latest baby plan

Our little son is still refusing to come out of his hiding place. So the plan now is I'm going to hospital tonight for an induction. Basically this means they try to bring labour on and if it works i start to dilate.

I'm doing this earlier than most because the doctor was worried about my age and possible complications. I was told that they will start the process tonight and so hopefully by tomorrow morning I should be labour.

I am hopeful it will work the first time so they don't have to try again. He can't stay in me forever!

So hopefully tomorrow night myles will be writing a post saying we've had a little boy or the ultrasound was incorrect and actually it's a little girl.

still preggy

My due date has been and gone and our little son doesn't seem to be in any hurry to come out of his well-padded home for the last 9 mths.

He's fine according to our last doctors appointment -it's just me now. Early hours of the morning I was starting to lose the plot...my emotions got the better of me. I'm excited and worried all at once. Worried that if he takes too long something will happen to him, excited that any minute now I could go into labour. But I'm sick of waiting, doing nothing and waiting.

Myles has taken the day off to keep me occuppied. My days were starting to drag on and I can't sleep at nite. It's not that I want to hang out with people because I'm not good company right now. I'm just all about baby and that's all I can cope with. If Myles didn't take today off I would spend the day in a heap of tears and he would come home to a hysterical wife.

But God is good and I get to spend hours with my man enjoying a beautiful day. My mum even has plans so I don't have to worry about what to do with her.

baby

nearly there...only a few more days. I am half expecting to go to hospital tomorrow night and give birth in the early hours of tues morning.

It's been 9 months but it feels like years...2000 we started this journey, trying to have a child. Now I only have a few days.

I have no idea what the LORD has planned for the next couple of days. But my hope is in him and he has always been faithful to me.

LORD
it's nearly time. Thank you for blessing me with this miracle. I ask again for your continued protection of our child. Please be with us. Keep me focused and strong so I can bring him into this world healthy and full of your life.

I love you LORD, and I look forward to pressing through and holding our baby in my arms. I would love to meet him on 5 dec but if you know something i don't and he would be delivered healthier on another day, then I can wait. Your will be done.

I pray that myles and I would work as one in the next couple of days, show us how to do this LORD. We give you the glory.

in the name of my saviour and Lord, Jesus, your son. amene

i had a cough this morning...

...and it reminded me of Jesus. How he created us.

Somewhere in the process of creating humans (and LOTS of other animals) God decided that there should be an involuntary mechanism for the brain to tell the throat area to spasm and exhale air such that anything stuck would be expelled. eg: To cough

Wow.

For evolutionists I ask - what came first - the throat or the 'cough' command from the brain?

If we had throats and no 'cough' command then its a good chance (since we have all most probably coughed to clear our airways in our life) that humans would have died off.

If we had a 'cough' command but no throats - why would evolution and keep this mutation? How would it create it?

And finally, this combination of throat organ and 'cough' command must have happened very early in the evolution process as so many species share both 'evolutionary mutations'.

Unfeasible evolutionary? One could argue a cold clinical case that it is unfeasible (without some grand designer).

Thanks you Lord, for throats and coughs.

PS: some people may argue that if God made the throat so perfect he should not have had to create a 'cough' command. My answer: While our throats may have been created perfectly, us humans are still dumb enough (free choice remember) to stick all sorts of things down it and all sorts of speeds!

a praying mum

my mum is staying with us at the moment - baby-sitting me. Every morning she has a routine of waking up and worshipping the LORD. I can hear her from my room singing and praying.

I wonder how many times my mother's prayers covered my steps as I was growing up. The power of a praying mum - only the LORD knows. I am grateful for her worshipping heart and as I am about to become a mum, I know that this is something I want to emulate, in my own way.

Even now she prays for each of us. Her generation grew up with this prayful attitude handed down to them from their parents. It works for her and helps her to draw near to the LORD. I am blessed because of her prayers over the years. It's a blessing I want to pass on to my child.

We don't agree on a lot of things and my ways are more my Dad's ways than my mum's. Even our beliefs and how we practice these are poles apart. But she has a quality that I greatly admire - what she says is what she does. She knows what she believes, right or wrong, she steps out in faith. She's not double-minded and is not easily swayed by new practices or people.
She does not change with the wind.

So even though we disagree or I don't like what she does sometimes, I admire her faithfulness to what she thinks is right.

I admire people who don't think like me, who challenge me, who make me step back and think about what I truly believe. I don't have to agree with them to admire them. Give me people who speak the truth over diplomacy any day.

baby countdown

11 more days to go...still hoping the LORD answers my prayer, in which case have 10 days to go...wow so close!

thoughts in progress

thinking a couple of things in the last few days....still working it out....

i think i had this world's view of what being ONE means...summed up in that Tom Cruise line to whats her name....'you complete me.' Where you and your man become in sync with each other and know each other so well that when one is weak the other is strong...you're so discerning of each other that you know what the other person is thinking.

You're so in love with each other that when you're away from each other it feels like part of you is missing. You kind of walk around not really there and all your conversations seem meaningless because he's not there to share life with..

Now I'm starting to think God's idea is more like - you expect less but give more. So you expect less for yourself and give more to the other person. You expect less from that other person and give more to them.

I think the LORD is turning my idea of being ONE upside down....

2nd thought...from Joel Osteen. I missed the sermon but caught the line. He said whatever pain you've been through or are going through...to survive it you need to dream a bigger dream than this pain. It will help keep you focused on the dream so you can cope with the pain.

Made me think what is my big dream? What is OUR (myles and moi) big dream? What do we want to achieve specifically before we die? It has to be something so big that we're PASSIONATE about achieving it and won't let anything Satan throws at us stop us from PRESSING FORWARD. It has to be specific so you don't procrastinate over it and waffle through life having no clear idea of how to acheive it.

As I am about to have a baby, I wonder about God's timing that he should put these thoughts on my plate right now.

what is my priority?

my wife sent me this today...worth sharing!

"One thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize." (Philippians 3:13-14)

What does this mean?
Deciding to focus on your top priority in life is a daily choice. As followers of Christ, your top priority is to share with others the love that is found in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. If you try to do everything, you'll wind up being average at many things instead of excellent at anything! To live your best life, make time for the key relationships in your life--whether that is your spouse, your children, or your parents. People are God's most precious creation; so set aside quality time for the special people the Lord has in your life.

A Prayer for Today
God, I pray that You will help me focus on the few things that You want me to accomplish today. Make me sensitive to the needs of the people You've placed in my life. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Courtesy of joelosteen.com

baby countdown

2 weeks and 6 days to go...excited....very prayful for baby's safety....wondering if i've forgotten to do something....

when pregnant women have too much free time...

I'm a West Wing fan (tv series abt president of U.S., white house staff, etc). At the moment fox is showing reruns nearly every night. I love the characters on it - they are full of personality and have some of the greatest lines. Watched it today and was laughing hysterically at the head counsel for the president - his top lawyer.

I said to the LORD, that's the kind of people he needs working on our side. I love people who are outrageous and show no fear and are full of balls. I'm just not a traditional conservative christian so if I could pick a dream team for the LORD I would pick most of the white house staff.

The writers made them so full of quick wit. They have a strong sense of right and standing up for what they believe in. Yet every one of them is fallable. But that's what makes them lovable. They stuff up, they pick themselves up, have a laugh, and get back to the good fight. Some of them (like Leo's secretary) are just weird yet they find a home in the white house, where weird fits in with everything else.

If I could pick one that represented who I would like to be then it would be that top lawyer character. He's completely out there and crazy but excellent at what he does. I don't remember him in the later series' - I think he gets replaced...but for the one episode I've seen him in he's great.

Someone needs to do a christian tv show where the characters are like this - mixed up bunch of full of life characters who range from moments of conservatism to outrageous and stupid. Instead of all conservative and traditional because that seems to be the world's view of us. Why would they think this if it wasn't an image we portrayed? But surely this isn't the reality of the LORD's body??

Surely their are more christians like us out there who are far from perfect and don't fit the world's image of christianity???? Who have fits, make bad choices and kick themselves over it, who can be loud and blunt, and quiet and snobby, who scream sometimes 'leave me alone, i'm having a moment', who lose the plot over stupid little comments their mum makes and then regret it, who watch scarry violent movies like 'Wolf Creek' and wish they hadn't...who are involved in personal relationships which drive them crazy and are far from perfect.....who have lots of moments of 'what about me' and then remember 'oh it's not about me, d'oh'...............surely there are others out there??

baby countdown

4 weeks and 6 days to go......

baby brain

according to my baby books and antenatal classes, women become forgetful and lose a few brain cells when they become preggy...unfortunately these don't return once baby is born.

my baby brain experience = my mouth runs the 100m sprint while my brain runs 10k marathon over mountainous terrain at very high alttitude.

this is very unusual for me because as a rule I always think before I speak, I even say little prayers when people are speaking to me along the lines of 'LORD, please speak through me. Help me to see their heart, to walk in their shoes'. Most of the time this works :-)

But now I say things before my brain has even had the chance to wake up and yawn....so I find myself stuck in mid sentence because I've forgotten what I was trying to say. In the first few months I would try to use my powers of recall and work it out. But now I just give up. My favourite phrase these days: 'I forgot what I was trying to say...oh well' and I move on. Why fight it?

I forget people's names...this wouldn't be so bad if they were people I barely knew. I end up saying 'you know what's her name' and people look at me like 'you don't remember your niece's name?'. Yes, I forget names of people I love dearly.

Perhaps it's a master ploy on the LORD's part - to prepare us for the hours of painful labour....the moment we hold baby in our arms we forget just how much it hurt us to push that little alien out.

symbols

it's looking like baby's name is going to be Caleb - today is D day. Only hitch came on Sunday when myles went to church and found that one of the church couples had a grandson called Caleb - he was born this month. They live in NSW country but still it rained on our parade a bit.

I am 5 weeks and 1 day closer to baby being born. I am still hoping and praying he is born 5 Dec if that fits in with God's will for baby. It would make him a day ahead of schedule so shouldn't be too complicated for the LORD to arrange :-)

I was packing my hospital bag last night and thought of my Dad. Taking his dressing gown with me - what do Aussie's call that? a robe??. Will wear it when baby is born, and I've tidied myself up after a long painful labour (preparing myself for the worse), when my family flood in to see how much of a monkey baby looks like.

That dressing gown is symbolic of my Dad's last months. I remember walking the corridors of Wellington hospital with him that 1st month he was diagnosed with cancer. I stayed in the hospital with him and that was all he wore - his pjs and that dressing gown. He wouldn't leave his bed without putting it on - he had to look respectable.

Whenever it was washed, it had to be returned to him that same day. Now I have it. Taking it to hospital will be like having a physical symbol of my Dad with me. I would rather have him next to me, but the LORD's will was to have Dad with him instead.

I doubt very much the LORD lets our loved ones see our lives once they are with him. They're too busy enjoying eternity. But if he gave me a choice as to which moments left in my life I would want to share with my Dad, then seeing me holding baby with my family around us would be one of those moments.

I would say 'here's your grandson Dad' and I can just imagine his beaming smile and tears...yip, my Dad would have tears of joy.

zoooom in.....what do you see?

This is a link to Google Maps

ACCEPT ACCEPT ACCEPT

sometime ago in the life of this blog the LORD gave me three words ACCEPT, BALANCE and SIMPLIFY. These were three areas I needed to work on and I think I have made tons of progress in two of these, but not anywhere near enough when it comes to ACCEPT.

In fact when I have tried to recall these 3 words I nearly always forget ACCEPT. I remember the other two fine. Why is that?

Because in the last 4 years of my life he has asked me to ACCEPT lots of huge life changing events. The last 2 years have been hardest.

To ACCEPT things are out of my hands, out of my control...sad, hurtful, betrayal, heart-breaking and soul destroying events. Why does he want me to just ACCEPT these things? Because he wants me to TRUST HIM COMPLETELY. TO TRUST THAT HE KNOWS BEST. TO TRUST THAT BREAKING MY HEART NOW WILL BENEFIT ME AND MY LOVED ONES FOR ETERNITY.

That seriously sux. I have this constant battlefield between my MIND and my SPIRIT. My spirit gets the LORD's plans, and knows that if I just ACCEPT then I can move forward into the kind of future that only the LORD can dream up.

But my MIND can't get past the heart-break. It refuses to let go of the last 4 years of my life. It keeps saying if you ACCEPT then you are running the risk of having your heart broken for good next time. You need to protect yourself.

I know Satan is having a field day with my thoughts. But it seems so logical. To not listen would be to act like a door mat, a stupid woman who never learns but goes back for more.

Yet the LORD has blessed me during this time. He made Romans 8:28 a reality for me over and over again - And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

ALL THINGS meaning good and bad.

Out of heartbreak and sadness he saved my husband and I am about to have a child. These are not small prayers he has answered. But 14 years and 5 years worth of praying. Miracles.

Yet I still battle with this area. I wonder how long it's going to take me to press through???

• I have to ACCEPT that when things are OUT OF CONTROL he is in CONTROL.
• I have to ACCEPT that when there is MISTRUST he is always TRUSTWORTHY.
• I have to ACCEPT that when there is UNFAITHFULNESS he is always FAITHFUL.
• I have to ACCEPT that when I am being sacrificed he is making me more like his son, my Saviour, and not a door mat.

These are not easy things for me to accept because I am a strong independent woman. The last 4 years has stolen so much from me personally. Yet the LORD's message remains the same ACCEPT.

baby names countdown

Myles and I still haven't decided on a baby name. We're having a boy so you would think that only gives us half the names in the world to choose from. But we have six weeks to go and we are still unsure.

So I have given us till the end of Oct to come up with a name.

We obviously need help....especially when my man and other family members come up with suggestions like Elvis, Jet Li, Van Helsink, Judas etc.

Names are important, especially to the LORD, but even if we give our little one a name without meaning, we still have to think about possible nicknames which might scar him for life.

So if you're visiting our website, and you read this post, then please feel free to contribute to our baby's name.

BIG or small THE LORD ANSWERS

today I looked up an old post of mine . Claire was looking for a christian book about getting out of the boat. It reminded me of a message the LORD gave me about Peter walking on water http://notaboutus.blogspot.com/2006/02/walking-on-water.html

So this morning I looked it up and after reading it I said to the LORD that was a great message from him and I would love it if someone actually read it. Tonight I checked our stats and I had a reply from the LORD.

Someone in Germany searched for a very unlikely combination of my name and Peter. It gave him my post of walking on water. It never ceases to amaze me when the LORD does this...no matter how many times he does it!!!!

The other bizarre fact is this person's search also found a pastor with my name as his last name in my home village in Samoa. How freaky is that?! The world is not so big that even a tiny little village in a tiny little country can be found by someone on the other side of the world. But not just any village - the village where my family is from, where I lived as a child.

The LORD knows me too well. He knew I would enjoy this. It lets me know just how well he knows me. Someone actually looked up that post. It's like the LORD taking time out of his busy schedule of saving lives just to answer one of his daughters little requests. And I know he does this every day for all his children - just little things to let them know they are special to him.

I don't even know if this person was searching for my post or some other bizzarre combination - my name is not very common. I don't even know if this person received it well or didn't like what I wrote. But what really matters to me is the LORD answering me and showing me, yet again, that he is very much a part of my every day life. Very relevant and ever present!

I talked to him today and he answered me today.

When it pours HE reigns!!

I havent been on this for soooooooooo long i actually forgot my password and forgot how to create a post!!!! :p:p

Its been a drought for so long where i am, spiritually i mean, actually i think it was more financialy than spiritually. WOW...what a journey but i made it...from leaving work, to being without work for 6 months, to not goin to church, to not having my connect group anymore, to totally not goin to church or even speaking to anyone from church, to nights alone cryin on my bed, to more nights and days of cryin on my bed, to asking for help, to cryin again, and again..to THIS!!!!!

There were times when i wanted to put on my wings (the ones the lord tookaway when he planted my roots and showed me what committments were) and just.....FLY AWAY!! leave it all behind and just go....but i couldnt, i wouldnt, and i didnt...he taught me too much to give up!

what a battle its been....if i could only tell you all about it..but i start work tomorrow, a role that i know nothing about but wanted to do, after so many rejections and knockbacks, i got it!

and perhaps ill get to share my story again when i visit...but ill leave with one verse that was always on my mind " do not be afraid, be strong and courageous for I am the Lord your God and I will NEVER leave you nor FORSAKE you"

When you are unemployed, have no money, and living off the bare minimum, you tend to get easily discouraged, feel rejected by God and even go through the pain of feeling like hes punishing you for your past sins (the ones he said hes forgiven you for and remembers them no more??) yeah those ones...you cut off ties with frenz and even loose the courage to face family..next thing you know youre in a world of your own..for me it wad Planet Zella, Population 1......i wont say DONT do that coz its gonna happen and youre gonna feel like youre worth nothing, you will swallow your pride and ask for help and then feel ashamed for it everytime you see those people that helped you...yes!! Satan did dome to steal, kill and destroy, but our Lord said "whomever the son sets free is FREE indeed"

and a looooong time ago i received my conviction for freedom...and with it came the HOPE that never failed me..not once...!
so i cried at night but in the morning i was ready to battle it out again...the lord disciplined me big time...but he did not forsake me!

when it POURED on me and i was drowning....HE REIGNED over all my circumstances and filled me with hope day after day...when i trusted he directed my every step...when i doubted his love he remined me of the first time i realised it...when i cried he gave me every reason to cheer up...when i felt like giving up he quickened my spirit to remember who I was!!

for the struggling unemployed person out there....remember what the Lord has taught you in your journey, never give up the hope you found,never forget his plans for you and he will come to your rescue...just like he did for me!

count down

6 days 6 weeks to go.......aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

I can't believe I'm almost there. I have been carrying around this little alien for 33 weeks :-)

I am completely prepared for lots and lots of pain. But secretly I'm praying for a small child so it wont hurt so much. But if he ends up being huge then I will just have to scream even louder.

It's weird I'm not someone who lets people know that I'm in pain or struggling. I'm generally quiet and my beloved is the only one who knows I'm upset or in pain.

But I have no illusions about having a child - I wont be hiding anything.

Remember who I am says the LORD

GOD'S poetic answer to Job (a man who knew what suffering and loss was all about):

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?

On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?

"Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt'?

"Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?

The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment. The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken.

"Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?

Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this. "What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings? Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!

"Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of the hail, which I reserve for times of trouble, for days of war and battle?

What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?

Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, to water a land where no man lives, a desert with no one in it, to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass?

Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew? From whose womb comes the ice? Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens when the waters become hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is frozen?

"Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades? Can you loose the cords of Orion? Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons or lead out the Bear with its cubs?

Do you know the laws of the heavens? Can you set up God's dominion over the earth? "Can you raise your voice to the clouds and cover yourself with a flood of water?

Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, 'Here we are'?

Who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind?...................

Job 38:4-36

future thoughts

DO I WANT THE FUTURE THE LORD HAS PLANNED FOR ME?

Or is it just too hard?

HE SAID "TRUST IN ME WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND DON'T LEAN ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING."

THEN HE WILL MAKE MY PATHS STRAIGHT.

Can I trust him with ALL my heart?

Or do I know better than the LORD what is right for me?

plans to prosper you

when you're going through a storm, around a mountain several times....anything that leaves you feeling like the LORD has abandoned you. It's very easy to wonder if the LORD's plans are actually making any progress.

It's very easy to forget the LORD's plans. Especially if you spend months or years struggling and getting further away from the vision the LORD gave you.

What happened to that dream?? What happened to that vision and passion to be full on for the LORD? Something about preparing for eternity??

It was easy when life was easy, but when it became hard and the LORD took away your security blankets and your safe lives...did you still trust him?

That's the LORD. You are his child that he lifted up on his shoulders and showed you wonders far away that you wouldn't be able to see standing on the ground. But instead of throwing you into the air so you could grasp these wonders immediately - he puts you back on the ground. And you are still a child and the only way you can grasp those wonders is to grow up. This can take years or months depending on how fast you learn life's lessons.

plans to prosper PART II

What does this mean for me? I forget that whatever I'm going through is nothing compared to the future the LORD has planned. I forget the vision the LORD once showed me. I forget his passion is so much greater than mine. I get bogged down in the moment and I can't see the bigger picture because my emotions get the better of me.

The more I get bogged down the further I move away from the future he plans for me. The longer it takes for me to get out of the desert.

Do I want the plans he has for me? Do I want to live a life beyond any of my dreams, be so passionate that I can stand by my LORD for all of eternity? Do I want to know what the LORD meant when he said I could be ONE with my man?

OR do I want to settle for whatever Satan has planned and live a mediocre life? Something safe so Satan doesn't have to worry about me doing anything amazing. It will still be enjoyable and I wont have to worry about learning anything if I don't want to.

If only the LORD would leave it at that, abandon me instead of reminding me of his vision for my future every now and then so I don't give up. HIS REAL PURPOSE IS TO KICK ME IN THE BUTT AND TELL ME IF I WANT THAT FUTURE THEN I HAVE TO PRESS THROUGH AND BE OBEDIENT. NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO SHRINK BACK OR SET UP CAMP - NOW IS THE TIME TO RUN LIKE CRAZY AND SHAKE OFF ALL SATANS TRAPS.

In real life it looks something like this:
Satan tells me lies by putting thoughts in my head - eg: live today don't worry about tomorrow, enjoy yourself now.....................why try it's too hard nothing is going to change.....................God will sacrifice you because he doesn't care about you.............you're not good enough, strong enough, worthy enough, so you might as well just give up.........................what about you? you deserve to enjoy your life?

BUT THE LORD TELLS ME:
Remember your dream? Remember who I am? Remember who you are?
You are my daughter and I formed you in your mother's womb.
I saved you, gave you a new beginning, and I will always love you.
My plans are to prosper you not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.

That future is eternal.
Choose me again and again. Choose life.
Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy you. I want to give you life in abundance, to the full.
I am in complete control, trust me.
I am able to do immeasurably more than all you can ask or imagine, according to my power that is at work within you.
I am your refuge in a storm. Stop working against me!
Draw closer to me and I will draw close to you. Seek me with all your heart and you will find me.
The battle belongs to me - don't do it alone.

some things change some remain the same

it's been a year since we started this blog. A year of our lives' thoughts and reflections. A year of our relationship with the LORD and others. So much has changed including ourselves.

Myles is in NZ visiting his Dad. It's weird when I travel on planes I don't think twice about it but my man travels on a plane and I suddenly get all paranoid about terrorist attacks. I was relieved to hear he made it safely. (Thanks, LORD).

We've been together 16 years and we still miss each other terribly when we're apart. I feel like a part of me is missing and I smile and laugh but on the inside I'm counting down the days until he returns.

Our marriage in the last few years has been a rocky ride but this is still true for me - he is my greatest gift from the LORD.

marathon last few days

We had a family wedding on Saturday. My Mum arrived from NZ on Wednesday. Thursday we went shopping for 5 hrs with with my sister-in-law, niece and nephew. Very full on. Friday shopping for about 4 hours with my Mum then a family dinner. Sat wedding ceremony then kids and family came over to swim in the pool, packed them off, went to wedding reception. I didn't sit down or rest that day.

Sunday I woke up completely exhausted and could not drag myself out of bed! Something tells me I completely over did it! I was tired Friday nite, but Sat nite the wedding was so much fun I must have been running on adrenalin. Honestly, I forget I'm almost 32 weeks preggy.

I went from doing nothing to doing too much!! I felt like I was recovering from a hangover yesterday and I didn't have a drop!

So all I did Sunday was sleep, sit, put my feet up, had a bath. I woke up today feeling better, but still very tired...like I could sleep the day away. So after this it's back to bed with a book. Might go out for coffee later with a cousin, but haven't planned it yet because I'm wondering if I will have the energy!

Hard to Come Back

I have not been to church for so long and now I finding it hard to come back. Its not that I don't believe in God, I just keep finding excuses to not come back. But I think its time to stop being lazy and get back to God. I'm noticing I'm not as strong a person as I used to be and that is because I'm relying more on this world then I am on the Lord. I'm starting to feel that emptyness again. Its time to start doing instead of just talking about it.

my life purpose: save the logical

I have a favourite song which goes:

Maybe Lord
I can show someone else
What I have been through myself
On my way back to you.

And it popped into my head a couple of weeks ago that the purpose God has given me is:

SAVE THE LOGICAL: the emotionless, analytical information gatherers

That's who I am. That's what I have been through.

Yet through this I have found God. And now God has given me the experience and the mind to relate to the logical. Geek to geek. Vulcan to vulcan.

footnote: so I am going to blog some logical things I have learnt...so i can start gathering my thought.

God's Billboards

why i love Jesus

value the un-valued

I blogged recently on 'honour the un-honourable' about my dad.  And I am about to see him next week!  All part of God's plan for me to build a relationship with him.

What I have also learnt recently is to value the un-valued.

I have had times in my life when I have been very valued by the world.  And recent times when I have not been.  Believe it or not I was quite a cool kid at school.  Other kids weren't.  I have always kinda been valued by people at work.

What the Lord has really done is opened my eyes to value those that other people don't value. 

Sadly, this has been shown up in the church area of my life...where it is easy to value those that are perceived to have value (like me).  Whereas the real untapped value is those that don't seem to have any value - yet I know that the Lord is busily pointing to us and yelling "those people...over there....use them!!"

baby shopping

we have had one of those crazy weekends of shopping. My baby shopping list is so long that it's taken us the last couple of months to finally buy everything. There are so many little things and big things...when baby turns 6 mths, there's more to buy.

I still have little things to buy but i can do these at a leisurely pace now.

We had to buy the strangest things...a hose connector for our taps so we could fill in baby's bath from the basin rather than our very low bath tub. We bought a strong comfy armchair for our room so when I'm feeding at night I don't disturb myles by sitting on the bed, or disturb baby by taking him into the lounge and making him all alert so he won't go back to sleep.

Myles had a bit of fun yesterday though - we bought a video camera which cost us a bundle but hopefully will last us years. He was busy playing with it last nite - taking close up's of his fat wife and her huge tummy.

We are so privileged....we can afford to buy everything baby needs and things we would like. It's true we have baby savings and I always try to buy a bargain without sacrificing quality. So my baby has cheapo cute clothes but an expensive car seat because it met all my and australia's safety standards. Plus it had extra features I liked. Even then we went to a few baby shops to find the best price and finally found it on sale in the weekend. But we're very blessed. Lots of mums out there must struggle to buy the bare necessities even in a wealthy country like Australia.

With privilege comes responsibility...I owe it to the LORD to be a blessing because I am so very blessed.

I can imagine how different a shopping list would look like for a mum in Australia compared to a mum in the Pacific Islands or Asia, or India or Africa...a car seat would be completely unnecessary in some of these countries, let alone an armchair.

It's easy to get sucked in and think everything that's expensive must be the best quality but it's not necessarily true. So I spent heaps of time researching products. Take prams and strollers. There are so many out there, very trendy and very expensive. But I looked up the consumer website and found one of their best buys was only $250 compared to $600 for top of the range prams.

MY ADVICE TO MUMS:
decide what will suit your lifestyle and your budget. Then do lots of research on the internet and window shop before making those final big purchases.

I'm glad it's finally all done. I'm almost 31 weeks so only have 9 more to go if baby comes on time.

I have been praying one of those impossible prayers - that baby is born on a certain date. At the moment he is due 6 Dec, but I'm praying for 5 Dec. That's my Dad's birthday. I know the chances are very slim...but if anyone can arrange it, it's the LORD. All I can do is ask and wait to see if it fits in with his plans....please let it fit in with your plans, LORD :-)

africa

i am kicking myself for never having gone on a short-term mission to Africa. True my man has only been a Christian for a couple of years now and I have been with him since we were 21....but still!!!!

I'm 38 years old about to have a child and another next year...when will I actually be able to go? When the kids can walk and talk - 3 yrs time? My mum would shoot me if I said I was taking the kids to Africa.

My first step would be to go to Watoto and see all the great stuff they are doing over there and volunteer if possible.

I have lots of dreams and visions about missions in Africa and yet I've only been there once and not on a mission. I'm one of these dreamers who thinks we can remove poverty from Africa. I say that to some people and I can see from their faces they think I've lost the plot.

Oh well, as Joyce Meyer says I would rather ask for a lot and get some of it, then ask for nothing and get all of it :-)

If I end up standing in front of the LORD not having fulfilled one of these I will be very disappointed with myself. I'm not sure how the LORD will feel...disappointed too :-(

God's chosen people

Had a bible study last nite - talked about the relationship the LORD has with the Jewish people.

It was great to hear that most people in our group believed they were still his chosen people.

To me, they are still his first born, his beloved children. Even though the majority of them rejected Jesus, our faith still stems from their faith. Jesus and all the disciples were Jewish.

I don't believe the LORD ever abandons those he loves. I believe he has a plan to save them. You just have to look at the history of his relationship with them - they were disobedient, he disciplined them, forgave them, they were disobedient, he disciplined them, forgave them....when they were unfaithful he was and always will be faithful.

There relationship is a perfect example of Father and child. Our God is the ultimate Father - he will always try to save his children. He is generational and eternal...I believe he is waiting for that generation of his children to set free and fulfil a key role in his final master plan.

I have a special place in my heart for the LORD's chosen people. They have struggled for survival and still they survive. Israel is surrounded by enemies and still it survives. Jerusalem still stands and is sacred to all three of the major religious groups. God still has a plan for them.

It looks like the LORD has set them up to struggle - I use to wonder why he would pick a home land for them surrounded by enemies...what is he trying to teach them? I think he is embedding in their very character a determination to stand in the midst of adversity. A mentality to never give up and to persevere against all odds like no other race. A spirit of unswerving faith in their one true God. To me, it seems he's preparing them for battle - perhaps at the end of days.

They have now until Jesus returns to turn to him. When he comes back the second time it will be like they imagined it would be - all powerful and all conquering. I hope then they will recognise their Messiah and ours is one and the same. Now that would be another great reunion!

aunty

My Uncle's wife died thurs 14 sept in New Zealand. She outlived my uncle who died back in 1989. They had her family service last week. I found out recently that none of my aunties or uncles spoke at her service. This is very sad because in my family, at least one person needs to get up and speak to represent our family.

It made me wish even more that I was there. I couldn't go but I desperately wanted to go to be with my cousins. I have been waiting for the busyness of the funeral preparations and family visitors to be over so I can ring them again and see how they are coping.

I just assumed my mother would say something because she knew Aunty best. And she made a special trip back down to Wellington when she found out she had taken a turn for the worse.

If I had been there I would have said this:

Aunty was someone who spoke her mind and didn't try to hide her feelings. She was a strong woman and reminded me of all my mother's sisters who are also very strong.

She was a no nonsense kind of person - what you saw was what you got with her. If she thought you were a naughty child, she let you know, so all the little ones in our family were very scared of her. That always made me laugh because no one messed with her.

She was always good to me and I thank her for that. I use to wonder what it was about her that captured my uncle enough for him to marry her. I loved my uncle. He was someone I always admired and respected. Actually he commanded respect so you never messed with him. He was the kind of person that you always had to speak the truth to because you knew he would know it anyway. It was the same with my Aunty.

Maybe that's what captured him. Here was someone who was his equal, someone without pretence, someone strong. For me, the greatest compliment I could pay my Aunty was that she was my Uncle's wife. I always thought she had to be an amazing woman to catch my uncle.

My cousins said that she was with the LORD the last few days of her life so they are confident she is now enjoying eternity with our loved ones. What a reunion that will be!

worth the risk?

that's the amazing thing about this desire to have children of our own....it doesn't matter if we don't have any previous experience. Even teenagers have children.

This desire in me is so strong it doesn't matter that we have been unsuccessful for 5 years, or that we lost a child, or that we were told I would never be able to conceive. We still kept trying because I felt like the LORD kept opening a window for us, and giving us hope to persevere.

It's weird because I have held my nieces and nephews and immediately I know I have no idea what i'm doing. I loved them as much as I would my own. I know this because I didn't think twice about changing their dirty nappies. But I can't cope with other people's babies.

I've never really been into 'babies' like some women are. They go all gooey just at the sight of a baby.

Yet this hasn't put me off. I still want children. I have this desire to shower them with love. Even if I prove useless or they end up being brats. I am more than willing to take the risk.

That must be what it's like for the LORD. Except worse for him because he knows for sure some of us will be children from hell. No matter how many opportunities he gives them to change he knows that in the end they will reject him. Imagine knowing a child would grow up one day to be Hitler. That's a scary thought.

what if i suck as a dad?

oh well...at least its not stopping me from trying!

life changing

Last nite had our antenatal class. Watched a video of a Father looking after his newborn baby girl. It made it more real to me...if the baby knew just how inexperienced her Father was, how it was just as new for him as it was her....how much he was making it up as he went along...i doubt she would have come out of her mother's womb.

Our baby is going to turn my world upside down. No longer will I be spending my days alone. I will have this permanent companion with me every moment of my day. My day will revolve around our baby. Feeding, clothing, bathing, entertaining him, and washing everything he spews or pees on, or dirties during the day.

I am about to go from one extreme to the other...and this will be my life for the next few years. Next year I'm doing it all over again except with the added responsibility of looking after a little boy at the same time. Two children under 2 is going to be one crazy fulltime job.

I will be just like that Father in the video, making it up as I go along. Sure I would have done classes, read books, but these all go out the window when faced with a baby who's only means of communicating with you is crying. Hungry, tired, wet or sick - they cry.

Everyone thinks Myles and I are going to be great parents. What if we suck??? What if we end up raising brats from hell that we can't control or even worse can't love???

Oh well, we can always send them to their grandmothers in New Zealand :-)

my future?

if i sow anger, mistrust, selfishness, judgement, apathy, disobedience and destruction

I will have no future

if i sow love

mercy

trust

hope

and faith

my future will be eternal

What can I as a christian learn from Steve Irwin

I dont know if Steve was a christian - though I did hear that Australia Zoo had a Chaplain which suggests that he did appreciate a spiritual element to things. However , I get distracted.

My main question is: what can I learn from him. I can learn from him what the Bible already tells me.

That what God wants us to do is follow our passions - our gifts. To not just mingle in church groups. But to get out to the world and do what we are passionate about. And while we do these things - be like Christ. Show people Christ.

If we only do christian ministry programmes etc which we are not passionate about - then we will give less than 110%. We will give as little as we can. And we will not be getting out to the world.

So, if I am in to playing rugby - play rugby. Mingle amongst other rugby players. And at the same time, show them Christ through me.

Honour the un-honourable

It's been a while since I have blogged and a reason is that I have been pondering the 'post that has stopped me from blogging'.

I have been reading the Bible story of Saul and his son Jonathan (read: 1 Samuel 9 onwards).

The main lesson I learnt was that God wants us to honour the un-honourable. Specifically - "honour your father". It says this even though the father may not be very honourable. There is no condition on this statement.

This made me reflect HEAPS on my Dad. I know my Dad is not perfect - but I was not honouring him - when I should be. God wants me to honour my father - and to make sure my Dad knows it. So I am going on a trip to my father's place - at a time when I should be at home with my pregnant wife. But I feel compelled to go.

But why was this so hard to post? Because I wonder how it reflects on me. I have done some un-honourable things - we all have - and while I am ok to admit it - I dont like the fact that I have been un-honourable. It makes me feel like I have no integrity. No authority. No validity in anything I post on.

But I know that I dont need to be perfect in God's eyes...and I have pushed through the barrier and posted. That's what studying God's word does for me...helps me know where I should be and push through barriers to get there. All praise to God.

rantings and ravings of a mother-to-be

The day before my birthday I kind of went on a bit of rampage against christians - including myself. Put it down to turning 38 on sept 11 or because I am almost a mother....or both.

I just get kind of sick sometimes at how INACTIVE the majority of God's people are - ordinary christians like me. We get soooo preoccupied with this life that we forget we are meant to be part of God's ETERNAL solution against evil. We spend so much time learning but not enough time DOING.

I'm having a child which renders me very inactive but i'm always thinking of ways I can DO SOMETHING. I'm not waiting for my life to be perfect...to have enough savings, to have an awesome business or job, or even to have the perfect family of 1 boy and 1 girl with two loving parents.

I give out of what's in my hand. Sometimes I give more than what's in my hand and then kick myself for being so impatient and not being a good steward. I'm good at giving but I know I can be even better!

My biggest project at the moment is building an orphanage home for 8 orphans and an adopted mum in Uganda. It will cost AUS$17,000. I want to make Jeremiah 29:11 true for these kids. So far I've raised $4,000 with the help of my fellow notaboutus girls. I am impatient to raise this money by middle of next year.

Yet I'm planning to raise and pay for two children of my own in the next coming years. But I want to do so much more. I'm afraid my kids aren't going to have a very normal upbringing because I'm not planning to settle down I'm planning to do more!!!!! I believe all things are possible with the LORD.

So yes, I ranted waay too much in my post 'WE CAN DO SOMETHING' but sometimes I just feel like kicking Christians out of their 'SLUMBER' as the bible puts it.

Our Lord and Saviour was a rebel - he did not accept the status quo. He did not sit back and build empires, or live a life of pleasure because he was going to suffer unimaginable pain at 30 something. He went out amongst the lost, he broke lots of religious rules of his time, and just with the power of his words and actions he changed history.

He did it by loving those that needed love, telling off those that thought too highly of themselves, and meeting peoples EVERY DAY NEEDS in REAL TOUCHABLE WAYS that CHANGED THEIR LIVES AND FILLED THEM WITH HOPE FOR A BETTER FUTURE!!!

ok, i thought i had finished ranting but i'm still doing it.

Finished now...go back to your safe little worlds and ignore me.

trust

you think you trust the LORD but you don't realise how small that trust is until he takes away the ground you stand on.

some rely on their education, on knowledge, on their family, put their security in knowing they will always be able to take care of themselves - the security of a job or a career, of being able to provide. Or if they're one of the priviledged few - rely on their true love. Their future seems secure and safe.

So what happens when the LORD takes it all away? Why would he let this happen to us? I believe he does it to show us that we don't really trust him. We don't know the meaning of trust. The moment he takes something from us, we try to to fix it, take back control of our lives, we put everything on hold until we can solve this problem. We stop trusting.

Because if we really trusted him we would know he let this happen to us for a reason. To teach us something about ourselves. To help us to let go and grow.

When the LORD answered my prayers to save my husband, to have a child, he did it in a way which showed me I had to trust him more than I have ever trusted before. I have to keep believing in the impossible, even when bad things happen, even if it means losing a child, losing a husband. I have to believe he knows what he is doing.

He teaches me that holding on to his hand as I step out into the dark is the safest place to be. Not the light that surrounds the little world I have created for myself and who I think I am. That was great when I was a child, but if I want to be everything I can be, I have to step out the door into the dark. Just me holding on to his hand.

There were treasures in this world which I couldn't do without. My security blankets. I feel like the LORD has stripped the most important ones away. Stripped away anything which I relied on. So my faith is in him alone. Not in who I am, but in who he is. My strength is in him not in who I am.

In the last couple of years I have been through trials and tests which have turned my world upside down. Yet I thought my faith was in the LORD. I know now that trusting the LORD is a life journey. It means believing that he knows better than me what's best for me. Especially when bad things happen. It's an every day commitment to choose to follow him.

I have so much to learn and it's not been easy. It wouldn't be a test if it was easy ;-)

WE CAN DO SOMETHING

My son is so vulnerable to the world that we are his only protection. This would scare me tremendously if 'we' didn't include the LORD. With the LORD as his protector and provider, he couldn't have a better start to life.

Yet there are children out there who suffer and don't have any protection.

Yesterday I read an account of such evil about the sexual abuse on a 12 year old boy . I cried at his suffering. People must read stuff like that in the news and think where is God? How could he let this happen?

Where was my LORD when this was happening to this little boy? Was he as upset as me? Or is he like a lot of people today who have heard stuff like this on the news and it's like nothing, like listening to a weather report because it's so common.

We accept the world is full of evil and there is nothing we can do about it.

For Christians, like me, it's one thing to be angry and upset, but what about us? What are we going to do about it? These men and young boys who abused this 12 year old boy, how did they become like this?

I am just as responsible as every other christian in this world. What are we doing to change the lives of these communities, of not only the little boy but the abusers? What are we doing to make Jeremiah 29:11 true for them as it is true for us?

I live a comfortable life. But I have known evil and I never want my little ones to suffer at the hands of evil. So it's my responsibility not only to protect them but to change the world they walk in. The LORD said we are to remain in the world but not be of this world.

To all the christians out there trying to make a difference, working in the frontline. Thank you for following the LORD's calling on your lives. You are our Father's hope in this world.

The rest of us, we ARE of this world when we accept evil reigns, when we do nothing but sit in our comfortable homes, building our safe churches in safe suburbs, our little empires and accept that outside this protected environment there is evil but we are fine.

I'm not saying go out to the enemy frontline unprepared. But WE KNOW OUR LORD HAS A HEART FOR THE LOST, FOR THE PRISONERS, FOR THE BROKENHEARTED. (Isaiah 61). Jesus said, in Luke, he came to proclaim the year of the LORD's favour which is from Isaiah 61. He is God's character. The LORD would leave the 99 sheep and go out searching for ONE lost sheep. That's his heart. He celebrates when ONE lost son returns home.

Aren't we meant to be becoming like Jesus more and more every day? We are all work in progress...but what are we progressing towards? Who do we really resemble - our Lord or this world??

In this world we are his body. We are meant to be like Jesus to the world. Yet we give the world an image of Jesus which resembles this world. We take care of ourselves. We take care of the saved. There is nothing wrong with equiping the saved....but if they NEVER leave the safety of CHURCH then what exactly are we equiping them to do??

If it's not our calling or our gift to go out to save the lost in such communities, then we work in our own communities.

Instead of doing nothing EVERY CHRISTIAN can do something.

We can ALL pray. Imagine if every single christian prayed for at least 1 minute a day for the lost, the brokenhearted ........ there are millions of Christians ....... imagine the power of our united prayer? What the LORD could do with our prayers would blow our minds away. Even Jesus took time out to pray.

We can pray that the LORD raises up a generation with his passion for the LOST. An army who will go out into all the world to proclaim his good news. We can do something, we can pray he would equip them with discernment, wisdom, his heart, and his power to break through the darkness.

But in all truthfulness we can do something to change ourselves, our loved ones, our neighbours. Not by judgement but by love. God's love is irresistible. It's us, we are such bad examples of God's love that we make God RESISTIBLE. We are not enough like Jesus for the world to recognise him in us.

So where was God when this little boy was being abused? Crying like me, not only for that child but also because his body wasn't there to represent him. To bring light into his world, to heal the brokenhearted. That's just my little opinion.

God is not evil. Satan is. God gave humans from the beginning of creation FREE WILL. We chose to use that free will to help Satan in his quest to be NO. 1. We became a part of the spiritual battle by choosing to believe we knew better than God.

The consequences of Satan's betrayal and our actions, is EVIL in every sphere of our world. God's answer to EVIL is JESUS. Whoever believes in him will have eternal life. That's part of our promise. But in the meantime God waits.

He waits for us to realise that he didn't give us a spirit of timidity but of power, love and self-control. We need to believe that all things are possible in his name. That the Holy Spirit lives in each of us to teach us and guide us in this world.

If God acted now and ended the world to save that little boy from his pain. Then millions would be lost because they don't know him yet. To remove evil, is to remove even the smallest atom of evil...liars, the selfish and self-serving, the proud, anyone who does not believe in Jesus.

The LORD cannot abide by any EVIL. So he waits. He waits for his children to save the world, to go out to this little boy and help him. To go out to the abusers and save them.

I can't begin to imagine the LORD's plan but it's not just about saving one moment. It spans 1,000s of years, it spans an eternity of love. When you add up the hurt caused in the world, and put it next to eternity.......how can you compare?...only the Creator of life can measure this. Only he can make these hard choices that I can't even begin to fathom. He knows the end game.

If it was left to me I would have acted in that moment when that boy was captured. I would have destroyed those abusers and sent them straight to hell. But evil lives in me too. I would have to send myself to hell - all humanity to hell. I am still a sinner and so is every other Christian. None of us are perfect. How can we cast the first stone?

Thankfully the LORD knows better.

He waits for us. He waits for believers in every generation to save as many people as we possibly can. To bring as many people out of the dark of this world into the light. He's not waiting on a chosen few to save the lost - he is waiting on every single christian in his church body to do what only they can. Each of us has a part to play.

Only God knows the hour when he will say 'ENOUGH, the last lost sheep has returned home' and then he will unleash all the power in his hands to remove EVIL once and for all. To balance the accounts of the world in favour of love for all eternity.

dreamin

In the last couple of weeks baby has grown heaps. He's kicking big time now.

It's weird but during this pregnancy i have dreamt about extended family so much - my grand-parents, aunties, uncles, cousins, even family that I don't know but my grand-parents know. Some of them I'm not even close to. Plus my immediate family - my Dad, Mum, sister, brothers nieces and nephews.

I read in my baby 'bible' that dreams about family are seen as connecting the generations. I wonder if that's what the LORD is doing? Some of them are weird dreams and a lot of them are set in Samoa, and they are full of action. We are always busy doing stuff like playing, gardening, having a reunion, etc.

Is the LORD showing my baby what a weird family he belongs to ;-)

Father's day

Missed my Dad today. It's been 3 years since he died and special events are still bitter sweet for me. Went to church today and heard others speak of their Dads and I couldn't stop the tears.

Last week I thought about him a lot in relation to my child growing in me. When my Dad died I didn't feel like having children. I know it was part of the grief but it took me a long time to think about trying again. Whenever I pictured my children they were not with me or myles but sitting on my Dad's lap giggling as he bounced them up and down pulling faces at them.

I imagined them playing games with my Dad like he use to do with us. My Dad was many things - when it came to children he was so full of fun and mischief. Now my son will be born and he will never experience my Dad's love except through myles and me. I will pour so much love into him and tell him about his Grand-father who loved to play just like his mum and dad.

I know he's with the LORD having the time of his life. And still i wish he was with me. Selfish i know but I never really got a chance to spoil him. Yes I was a good daughter and helped carry some of his load. But it's nothing compared to the love he poured into my life, to the lessons he taught me.

One day we will meet again.

new home for bro

LORD

Need to find my brother a new home but it has to be one that Mum will feel comfortable staying in as a second home. I know it's a tall order, but you have never disappointed me when it comes to homes. I thank you so much for that.

It needs to be a place close to ours so I can commute by bus or a quick train trip. So riverwood, penshurst, hurstville, mortdale, narwee would be great areas. Penshurst, riverwood or hurstville would be my top three.

It has to be a security block, safe on the outside so I nice street with lighting, lighting around the building or at least around the front entrance. A lock up garage, internal laundry, near a park would be great or something which would be entertaining for the kids to visit.

The actual unit has to be roomy, super clean, and cosy. Kitchen and bathroom spotless and a safe balcony. Preferably on the 1st or 2nd floor.

Out of all these you know better than me what she definitely needs to feel comfortable here. I know this is a tall order but I have asked for the impossible before and received it. You said in your word that we have not because we ask not and when we ask, we ask with the wrong motives.

You know my motives LORD. To give Mum a home here in Australia where she feels she belongs. In the hope that one day she will move over here and be surrounded by family who love her.

Thank you for being our provider. To make it even harder, she is coming here in Oct so would be great to find this place in the next couple of months.

Thank you LORD that all things are possible in your name. That whatever we ask for we shall receive if we believe. I believe that you know what's best for us LORD and I ask that you guide our choices and help us to find this place.

Thank you so much for your love. in your mighty name Lord Jesus, name above all names. amene

hard labour

we had our 2nd antenatal class this week. It ran through how long on average labour would be, different positions, etc. Gone are the days which are still shown on tv programmes of a mum lying in a bed with doctors down the end giving her instructions. Now they prefer upright positions to help with gravity...so either standing up, crouching or sitting up. All very undignified...12 hours or more of undignified grunting and pain.

When the LORD said he was going to make child-bearing hard, he wasn't kidding!

So my man and I were discussing how he would have to coach and take care of me during the majority of that 12 hours. He's a morning person...anything after 11pm he starts to struggle.

Imagine if I don't go into labour until late evening, he has to stay awake till the next morning helping me.

When I say morning person....I mean we could be talking about the end of the world and myles wouldn't be able to keep his eyes open. He's completely incapable of functioning at that time.

I can just picture it now...i'm screaming in pain, myles is sitting on the bed massaging me and next minute I can feel the pressure of his head on my back as he drops off to sleep and starts snoring.

He said he doesn't need my mum's help, but I think he will be begging for it at 2am and I'm nowhere near pushing baby out :-)

How cool would it be to forgive instantly

As soon as someone does something to you - to forgive them instantly.  Without a moment's hesitation.

In my reading of the Bible I see so many times when the Lord forgives people instantly, totally, and without conditions.  And then He gets straight on with loving them.  Blessing them even!

The Lord shows us the way in being forgiving.  His classic example is him on the cross.  Beaten and tortured.  Mocked.  He forgives and gets straight into loving everybody.

I want to be able to instantly forgive people.  And then turn around and bless them.  Is that an awesome way to show them God's love in me or what!

In the few occasions I have done this it has probably blessed me more than the person I have forgiven.

It's my birthday...and I'll cry if I want to

Yes today is my birthday....and I could cry....if I wanted to.  There is so much in the world to despair in peoples lives.

Weaknesses.  Accusations. People not talking to each other.  Misunderstandings.  Judgements.  Loneliness.  Missed dreams.

Yet I don't cry.  I don't feel like it. 

Cause the Lord makes me happy.  I sing to him everyday. 

my church is inside my heart

Recently I have heard of a few people gossiping about church.  What it doesn't do.  What people at church don't do.

Well frankly it pisses me off.

My church is in my heart.  This thought opened my eyes to what church is for me.

It is not affected by what church people do or say.  Or what people say or do about church people.

No one is perfect.  I am not perfect.  So I don't expect others to be.

Church for me is about:
- worshipping the Lord
- serving other christians
- fellowshipping with other christians

That's why I enjoy setting up and packing up after church.  I don't care if I am the only person doing it.  If everyone else is just standing around chatting...trying to connect.

cycle of life

I'm feeling sad today...probably the hormones, and the realisation that for a person of faith i am full of doubts.

It's weird how the LORD made this cycle of life. We are born into this world as vulnerable little babies totally reliant on others to love us.

We trust and believe in them because we don't know any better.

Then we spend the rest of our lives learning better...doubting or confirming what we use to trust and believe. It would be much easier to spend the rest of our lives as naive children knowing no better.

But this is not the LORD's way. Like my beloved said he doesn't want droids.

At the end of our lives we trust and believe because we do know better.

I am not at the end of my life yet so I still doubt and I still question - there's no magic wand to get me from innocent child to experienced mature child. It will take the rest of my life experiencing 1st hand love, pain, loss, mistakes, joy, doubt, happiness, mercy, hope, and faith.

That's my LORD's way.

where are the facts?

Where are the clear guides to believing in God? The unemotional no-faith-required checklists?

I am a geek. I love facts!!

But Jesus wants faith. And true love. Not devoted droids.

Dang it...I guess Jesus has out thought me again!

slow dance

Have you ever listened to the rain slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

Do you run through each day on the fly?

When you ask how are you? Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told a child, we'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die cause you never had time to call and say,"Hi"

Life is not a race. Do take it slower.

i'm so stupid...

the biggest side effect of my being preggy is my dizziness....not the fainting kind but the 'i'm so stupid I can't even open a can without spilling everything everywhere' dizziness. Now I am someone who can organise and multi-task, have loads of common-sense and things come naturally to me. But now...

I'm so stupid...

• I booked my mum's airfare online with Air New Zealand which I do regularly. Only to turn up at the airport and find I had booked her on another airline, Qantas. Luckily both flights were around the same time to wellington, nz. But I booked her as 'MR' and not 'MRS'. Thankfully they still let her on.
• I went to my ultrasound appointment and forgot my medicare card so my man had to go back home, which is 30mins from hospital...if that wasn't stupid enough there's more. The receptionist asked me where I was born, I told her New Zealand. It took me a couple of minutes to remember I was actually born in Samoa. I overheard the receptionist talking on the phone to my antenatal clinic, 'oh, she said she was born in New Zealand'. I quickly ran over and told her I forgot i was born in Samoa, because I've lived most of my life in NZ. How can you forget where you were born??? I have never done that before. I love the fact I was born in Samoa, being an island girl is so much a part of my identity that it's just bizarre I forgot.
• I've gone out for the day and left the heater on yet I distinctly remember turning it off. My brother came home and found it.
• On a different day, I've gone out and left the front door open. Luckily my cousins popped around and discovered it.

There are two more, but they are waaaaay too shameful to share - 'too much information' for anyone to enjoy. Truly unfunky!

Dizzy things I do daily...spill whatever drink is in my hand, drop food, miss my mouth when i'm eating, open packets of anything and have them fly everywhere.

These things are not normal for me. I am usually very coordinated...I can kick a ball accurately, play volleyball and table tennis well with my right and left hand, juggle with my left hand. But now I can't even carry a glass of water in my right hand (yes, i'm right-handed).

Pregnancy has turned my hormones upside down. It was funny after the first couple of times............

faith

I seem to be discussing with different people different issues of faith.

There will always be differences but what makes us believe what we do? I have a view of the world which is ever changing but there are things that remain the same:

• I have a personal relationship with the LORD which to me means his holy spirit lives in me and guides me in my every day life.
• This personal relationship is built on revelation (through the LORD's spirit), through prayer, through the bible and the resources which he has given to me.
• I believe in the trinity - God, my Creator and Father (heavenly), Jesus my Saviour and Lord, and the Holy Spirit who is God's Spirit living in me.
• I believe in God's master plan to save his children and return to us the gift of eternal life which Satan stole from humanity with our help. Jesus died and took my punishment for my sins and through his resurrection fulfilled the LORD's master plan. But the final chapter has yet to be played out - when he returns and destroys Satan and all the evil he represents once and for all.
• No one knows when Jesus will return though a few signs are named in the bible, but basically he will return like a thief in the night and our job is to be ready at anytime and all times.

Non-christians will read that and think what a load of crap :-)

Yet 11 jewish men and many 1st century christians sacrificed their lives in a little middle eastern country so that 20 centuries later I would hear the truth on a tiny Pacific Island and believe. World views have come and gone. Empires have tried to destroy christians yet we still exist today and millions still believe.

It took one man's life, and 11 believers to realise that their jewish faith had been fulfilled in their lifetime. Their Saviour had come and they were willing to abandon their world view to believe that he was the son of God.

Today I believe the same. I hope whatever the differences between denominations that each of us who believe know the truth like those 11 disciples, like Paul. Even if we differ in practice and teaching but this remains the same for all of us. Jesus is LORD, son of God, the Christ risen, our Saviour.

It's our belief in who Jesus is that unites us.

body parts

even amongst christians there are a lot of faith questions that we disagree on...different denominations that emphasise different parts of the bible, different teachings and even have their own guides which are not biblical. How can this be God's plan for his church????

I am a simple christian woman...even that statement implies different things to different people. The word 'christian' means different things depending on which christian you are talking to. Why???

My only answer is this - because the LORD made each of us unique. Then he modelled his master plan of the church on the human body. The human body made up of many different parts playing many different roles united as one. A complex ever changing entity.

(I don't know why he didn't model us on something simple where everyone is the same. But if i remember to ask him when I see him then i will.)

Each of us has a place in that body...but we spend a lifetime trying to figure out what and where our place is. If enough of us get-together and form a hand or a finger...we look around at anyone else who is different and judge collectively that 'one of these things don't belong together' (or however that sesame street jingle went....)

So if you are part of a foot, say a toe and you are surrounded by people who are fingers which form a hand...you think you might fit in but something is still not quite right...you don't look like them exactly but you have a nail, you bend....but still you don't fit in...so you feel like a reject. Everyone that makes up the fingers know you are a reject. If they are nice they try to make you fit in...if not they treat you like an outcast.

Why don't we Christians understand the LORD's 'body' model?? Why do we try to get everyone to be the same? That's not of the LORD that's of this world. The LORD expects us to be unique, different to some and similar to others. But as one whole body we function best UNITED as one, every part playing its individual role to bring harmony to the whole.

The LORD created each of us for a purpose. He knows what and where our place is.

So if you're a toe stuck amongst fingers - get out! Talk to your creator and find the quickest road down to the other end of the body so the church can move forward!!!