dream about a plane crash

Just a night after a dream about my Dad I have a dream about a plane crash.

The Dream:
I am hanging with some people in an outside cafe when I look up and see something falling. Then we realise it is a plane. A big plane like a Boeing 737. It crashes and panic ensues. As I run around I ask myself "when?" and then I see signs in shops windows. But instead of saying 'Sale' or stuff like that, one signs says '24' (i think) and one says '10:30' something.

It was like the signs were saying on the 24th at 10:30am (it was day time so would not be 10:30 at night) a plane will crash. I also got a strong sense it was a Qantas flight.

Now I dont say that this is prophetic, but its strange! Unlike the other dream I dont know what it means. Maybe someone is trying to put me off flying Qantas to see my Dad?

dream about my dad...

...which is strange 'cause I hardly ever dream about him and I never remember my dreams.

The Dream:
Dad, Tali and I went to some evangelical modern large church, kinda like Hillsong. For some reason we did not sit together. The service starts with a bit of theatre which all seemed OK and then an OK sermon (I cant remember the details at all which must mean its not relevant). The general feeling I got was that it would be OK for Dad and not "too religo" for him. But then the service got into exuberant worship, loud "happy clappiness". Oh no I thought. The service ended and I looked around for Dad amongst the crowd. I saw Tali sitting in a row of seats holding a baby, smiling broadly, and the centre of attention from people close by. Then I looked two rows in front and Dad was sitting there looking grim, and the main point - his back turned towards the front of the church. The immediate thought that came to my mind was "he has firmly turned his back on the Lord - he is not happy - and the church is not relevant to him".

My follow up thought was "Dad needs me to have a personal relationship with him for the Lord to be relevant to him".

love moments

I was going to do a series of posts on God moments but the majority of them are painful memories and today i don't want to feel sad...so i've decided to write about my next favourite topic...LOVE.

TOP 5 LOVE moments...

1. when I was 16, I heard a worship song, which made me finally understand how much the LORD loved me. It hit me for the first time that the LORD not only forgave me for being a self-centered sinful little brat but he actually loved that same brat, died for that brat, and wanted me to forgive that brat. It was a new beginning for me, bringing truth to my world, and acceptance for who I really was.
2. at 17 when in a moment of madness...love made me waaay to brave...I wrote on a piece of paper why I liked a certain boy. All the other girls seemed to be taken by his looks and I wasn't. For me it was who he was...he made me laugh, he was quietly confident, he wasn't afraid to be different....I regretted writing that note for the next few years, but for him it was a highlight he never forgot.
3. at 21, almost 22...that same boy captured my heart...he came back into my life at 19 but neither of us were brave in love...until one day that boy was forced into action out of fear of losing me. We celebrate that day as our anniversary and 16 years later we are still together.
4. hillsong conference 2004, I went to that conference wondering what does the LORD want ME to do...I left that conference realising it had nothing to do with me....and it was just what does the LORD want FULLSTOP. I remember screaming out 'whatever you want LORD is fine with me' and I gave him permission to turn my world upside down.
5. seeing our baby boy via an ultrasound this week...wiggling around, touching his face. I was so relieved that he was alive and healthy. If ever anyone wants to see a miracle then look at an ultrasound of a tiny life growing in a tummy of another human being. I look at my tummy and still can't believe there is a little boy growing in there. It's mind blowing!!

BEING A HUSBAND

babe...nothing to forgive.

I don't find it easy to share my feelings. I do try to be the provider...while keeping it "all together".

I now know that while I am capable, my strength needs to come from God. And my idea of HUSBAND needs to come from God.

And by Tali's confronting honesty and truth I have been kicked down paths I did not want to go. God has not taken me quickly from A to B. He has taken me down painful paths of realisation to learn some HUSBAND lessons. And Tali has been God's discerning accomplice all along!

There is a lesson - that when a wife trains a husband...it has to be done with love. Honest love. Sacrificial love. Non-judgemental love. Tali is getting better at this all the time.

So babe, while you may feel you have treated me cruel, and made it hard for me to share and care, it's mainly cause I just did not share! It's a family upbringing thing. I am still not good...but am getting better.

Please love me while I am crap. It's the only way I am going to get better.

BEING A WIFE

I have a man who loves me so much he rushes home, barely has time to eat his lunch because he's trying to fit a job which requires 10 hrs into 8 hrs. Luckily for me, he's so good at his job and very rarely does he not cope.

Why am I writing this? Because the LORD just taught me an important 'NOT ABOUT ME' lesson. I wrote once that if I failed at everything but could pass on a legacy of God's love to our children then I could meet my Creator satisfied that I was a wife and a mother. Any other achievements would pale in comparison.....well tonight I failed at being a wife.

Of course, it's not the first time. But this wasn't one of those I forgot to do something for him or i hurt him moments. I forgot what the LORD's definition of WIFE is.

I have recently written a poem about my man and how much he means to me...yet tonight the LORD showed me what it means to walk in his shoes, to face his every day life worrying about me and how I will react to him if he should stuff up, or show any concern for himself over me.

I believe one of my gifts from the LORD is discernment. I can often cut through what people are saying and reach the heart of the matter. But when it comes to my man, I'm too busy focusing on me that i very rarely put myself in his shoes.

What I saw was a man trying his hardest to balance the many demands on his time and love. A man feeling like he can barely acknowledge even to himself that he is just hanging on to the edge of a cliff but even if he did just for a moment he would feel guilty and unjustified to even ask his wife for help.

It broke my heart and filled me with such compassion for him that I thought of many ways that I could help ease his burden within a few minutes.

The irony is I need him to share his feelings more. I need to know all this about him. But I make it so hard for him to share these things because he feels like he has to keep it together, because he can't afford to fail again.

But I love him and this has never changed. I don't want to be the cause of hurt or brokenness in him. He is my no. 1 practice ground for my purpose in life...to bind up the broken-hearted, to be his refuge in a storm. If I can't do it for the love of my life, then how can I do it for a stranger??

My work begins at home...otherwise I won't even be able to say to the LORD that I was a wife...his answer would be....' you call that a wife? Daughter, you never knew what that meant...definitely NOT what I meant BY 'WIFE'!!'

legacy of God's love....starts with God's no. 1 gift to me - my man.

Babe
if you read this public apology, then forgive me, and thank you for sharing your heart with me. I will do more to take better care of it. I love you and I know you are trying your best. Sometimes you succeed and sometimes you don't BUT I'm here to love you through both.

your wife