RECONCILIATION

current thoughts:
the LORD sacrificed himself to reconcile the world to him.  He didn't die just for us Christians but for all humanity.  He died for everyone so there would be a door from our world to his and whoever chooses to open that door will find him.  But still it's our choice to make.  He provided a way for us to come to him.  For sin to lose it's power over us full knowing that we couldn't do this ourselves.  He's so far beyond us that there was no way we could meet his standards once we made that choice to follow our own wills.  Nothing we can do to earn it.  We will never reach our potential in this world because we need him to guide us.  He made us and he knows us better than we know ourselves.  But he has given us the option of unlimited time to become all that we can be.

When we decided we knew best in Eden we took that option away.  But God loved us so much he let it happen knowing one day he would sacrifice his son, himself.  So that we would have another choice to death.   So what's time on this planet all about.  Why not just skip it and make the choice now...if you choose to be boss of your life...there's a line to hell.  If you choose to let God be boss...there's a line to heaven.  Why spend thousands of years, and countless lives  who have/are struggling in this world, or enjoying this world only to make that decision a moment later??   Why not end it after Jesus was resurrected?

Creation isn't finished...God hasn't finished creating.

So what do we do with the 0-100 odd years we get on this planet?  I say enjoy it.  So when we go to eternity we don't waste a moment of it having to learn what we should have already learnt, having to grow up...or be sent to kindergarten cos we wasted our days on this planet saying God is boss but not living it.  Living lives of duplicity.  I WANT TO BE ALL THAT I AM MEANT TO BE FOR THIS MOMENT IN TIME.  Not wishing I was more or pretending I am more, or thinking I'm less and wasting time feeling sorry for myself and living in the past or fighting the present.  Whoever i am at this moment in time is worth celebrating.  Becos the LORD made today for me, for you, for us.

Let's enjoy it please.

simplify

lots of thoughts lately...life changing...renewing mind...transforming thoughts.

sometimes i feel so very blessed.  when i'm looking at my children sleeping between me and my husband. my daughter holding on to her brother, snuggled into him and caleb snuggled into me.  my man's arm around them both.  why has the LORD given us so much and others so very little?  it's moments like that i can't thank him enough for letting us have children after trying for so long, and an entopic pregnancy.  Meanwhile their are children starving, families living on the street in this cold winter weather.  It just makes me want to do more.

i've decided i don't need all these material possessions.  what i need is a home for my kids, welcoming and safe for them both.  but i have too many things, lots of unnecessary clutter.  I want to find that balance of enough so my home doesn't feel sterile but without the collections. 

To simplify my life.  So that it's about the things i love and not everything else.  i love to travel.  i don't need lots of vases and candle holders and kitchen stuff, and linen, etc.  I'm planning to radically change my life.  Be healthy, enjoy the outdoors, and have a place to rest our heads and gather as a family.  Home should be simple.  So i'm going to go thru each room and purge.

But i realised i need things on the wall.  photos and paintings. And texture and plants.  It means making things more.  And not collecting stuff for one day.  But on that day when i need it, I can just get it.  But not before!

month of may

may is going to be a very emotional month for me.  My brother's birthday.  My brother died 10 days after his birthday.  My anniversary with my man.  Realised something about myself.  I will never be able to look at 16 may, when my brother died, as anything but sad.  I thought maybe one day because my sister and mum want to make it a special day.  But my Dad died 7 yrs ago and I still hate that day.

But his birthday.  I will always celebrate that day.  Next year is his 40th so will throw him a big bash :)

This year our anniversary, 20th years as a couple, was overshadowed by the focus on Rob.  1st birthday since he died, etc.  But I also realised that I want to make our anniversary something worth remembering and celebrating.

Don't know how all these mixed emotions will balance out...but next year i will do better.

judge me on this

live life to please the LORD not myself

love my beloved with all that i am

be inclusive not exclusive

unity is more important than being right

what can i do today to make the most of it?

if it doesn't bare fruit then why do it?

life is my practice ground 
to love God and to love others

my brother

i am missing my brother so much this week.  it's because his birthday is around the corner.  i asked the LORD last nite to help me to live without him.  I know he's already doing this, but sometimes i miss him so much i just can't bare the next moment.  I just have to wait for it to pass me by...that's when mindless tv is great.

Having a gathering this weekend which he would have loved.  Has a few of his favourite people but it's also the kind of gathering he likes...good food, good company, just chilling at someone's home for the afternoon.

When i do new things I keep thinking he's missing out.  It sometimes makes me not want to do them.  But I hope the LORD lets him share these moments with us.  And he's with the LORD...having amazing moments of his own.  I have to see it as me making the most of this life, making it more precious, treasuring and not wasting every moment because he would want nothing but good things to come from him leaving us.  He would want his niece and nephew to have the best lives.  Not a mum missing her brother so much that she can't even enjoy her own life.

I miss him but i am coping better with my feelings then months ago.  It's ok to miss him.