ivf

we've started ivf again....taking nightly injections to help with ovulation. Myles is hoping for twin girls...who will of course be spoilt rotten by him :-) I'm just hoping for a sibling for caleb so he will have someone to play with.

i have been watching programmes of multiple births and huge families...hopefully it's not the LORD'S way of preparing me for more children then i planned :-)


I have so many plans but it's the LORD who directs my steps. I still have it in my heart to do short term missions to Africa. But for now my life is about building our little family. I just don't want to be one of those people who say they want to help but it will have to wait till my children are a little older....then it becomes it will have to wait till my children finish college...and then they are too old to go anywhere :-(

Kind of like the guy who wanted to follow Jesus but he wanted to go home and bury his Father first...this is not a small thing, it's a responsibility that you would think the Lord would have made allowances for...but it showed the tremendous cost of following the Lord...everything and everyone has to come 2nd.

But let me clarify this...i don't think it meant put ministry or service before your family. Because the LORD expects us to take care of those he puts in our hands. The key is: IT HAS TO COME FROM HIM...not from your own desires or people pressure....but the call to serve and sacrifice has to come from him. Plus once someone is dead it's too late to save them, and if they were saved then they're dancing in heaven already. Whereas the living still need to meet their Saviour thru us.

I am happy for the LORD to direct me because I'm responsible for Caleb. I don't know what's around the corner but I know the One who does. Who am I to second guess him??

not so hard!

I wrote that post yesterday about it being so hard to do the things we need to do because of all the everyday routines of life. And then the LORD showed us how easy it was to change.

Myles came home early from work. We grabbed the volleyball, packed our son up and went to the local park. As it turns out lots of other people had the same idea...a father and son practicing sprints, a whole group of kids playing ball sports...and us.

It was such a great evening. We had a bash (hit the volleyball to each other), Caleb lay on a mat drinking his milk. Then we came home, cooked dinner, listened to music, and basically hung out as a family. It was awesome

Thank you LORD, for proving to me that nothing is too hard!

why is it so hard?

Myles and I have more time on our hands then most yet we feel like we have no time to do the things we need to do...no energy to do these things.

It's like the mechanics of living this life we have created of work...keeping house, cooking dinner, looking after caleb, shopping for groceries...prevents us from doing the very thing we need to do to keep this life going...working on our health, saving money for our future...for caleb's future.

If we lose our health - there is no future, we will live very short lives and Caleb will be alone.

If we don't save and our health gives way...Caleb will not be looked after as well as he is now.

We just don't get it!!! We know this is true yet we just keep living our lives the way it is as if we are going to live long enough to see Caleb grow up, marry, have children of his own. But we're not!

How plainer can I make it to my flesh: NO HEALTH, NO EXERCISE, NO LIFE! NO MORE WORK, NO MORE KEEPING HOUSE AND NO MORE CALEB.

I feel like screaming it's so frustrating that we can be so STUPID!!!

birthday

Turned 39 yesterday...that's seriously old! I don't think I look 39 and I most definitely don't feel that old :-) I probably feel 32 and look.....35.

Actually was at church women's retreat talking about how long we'd been married, etc. And when i said 12 years one of the girls said...did you get married in your teens! I think she thought I was around her age....so I guess I don't act my age either :-)

blessed with a burden

great line on a dvd I watched at the women's retreat which reminded me of the LORD's upside down thinking. It was a Father speaking to his daughter and he said she was blessed with a burden.

I think this could be said of all christians - something the LORD wants us to accept...that because we are his children, followers of christ we are blessed with a burden.

It seems a contradiction in this world's terms because how can BLESSING and BURDEN be used together. Yet I think we spend our lives learning this. Life is not about us. We are expected to carry our cross. But at the same time we so very blessed. We have eternal life. The LORD loves us and sacrificed his son for us. His love is unfailing.

Things happen to us, like Jesus said, in this world we will have trouble but don't be afraid because he has overcome the world. So whatever trouble we have...he provides a way for us to cope and he uses it for our good, so we can learn and grow and trust him more.

So our real burden is this: we have to not let our own personal burdens overwhelm us, no matter how much they are, so that we can continue the Lord's mission to save the lost.

It's a burden because my life is not about me...yet everyday I struggle with 'me' issues, 'me' problems, and 'me' messy relationships...And somehow these are not allowed to overwhelm me because the LORD needs me to focus on being a blessing to others.

As I become more mature...I need to be secure in who i am and trust that the LORD will take care of me as I take care of others....believe Matthew 6:33 is true that as I seek Him and His righteousness, he will take care of the rest...the 'what about me' things.