fatherless family

i met up with two of my cousins tonight plus kids, hubbies, etc. we were talking about our Dads. In my family, which is my mother's family, there were 14 siblings but in the last 4 years we have lost fathers. It began with my Dad and then 3 of my uncles within 2 and 1/2 years.

Out of my Mum's 14 siblings, 2 brothers out of 6 remain and 6 out of 8 sisters. My Mum lost two siblings in 1989 within a month of each other. And her 3 brothers within 2 years. Even my cousins that have lost their mothers have also lost their fathers. We are a fatherless generation.

Why am I recounting all of this? I think it's because my cousin tonight was talking as if two more of my aunties are near the end of their lives. We are losing a whole generation. It's very sad because most of them died young. Only 1 out of the 6 was over 60.

My Dad was 58 turning 59 when he went to be with the LORD. It's been 4 years but I still have moments when I am reminded of my Dad and I ball my eyes out. I still wish he was here. When I talk with the LORD I know he had a plan for taking my Dad but if I could change anything in my life it would be losing my Dad.

My cousin tonight was super close to her Dad. Her Dad was the most recent so it's still very fresh to her but it feels like he's been gone for ages. I think she's still mourning. And only time can lessen it but it will never go away.

It's like me. My Dad was larger than life. He was never sick, and he was so young at heart. He would play and play. He was like a big kid and like me I think he enjoyed hanging with kids more than grown-ups because they are all about enjoying life.

There will always be something missing in my life without my Dad's smiling, chuckling face.

CAN ANYONE HELP ME PLEASE?

can someone please tell me what 'BEING ONE' is because I have no idea what that means. We've been together for 17 years and I seem to have become more and more clueless about what this looks like.

What does a good relationship look like? What are the keys to...no not just a good relationship but an amazing relationship? I'm talking about men and women, husbands and wives...what does an amazing one look like? I have seen very few good ones, but an AMAZING one...I don't think I've seen one of those. Can anyone help me? Please let me know because i'm stumbling in dark trying to figure this out and I could use opinions other than my own!!!!!

Does anyone think they have an AMAZING relationship with their other half? What makes it so?

my little man

I have a dreaded lurgy...is that even a word?? Been spewing and cold chills. This means Caleb is off limits. I have had a whole day of not being able to hug or kiss him. It hit me again how spoilt i have been for the last 8 & half months. Holding this life in my hands that is my son.

That's a long time to be able to hug someone every day, several times a day :-) I can't believe how much the LORD has blessed us. But it's only 8 mths and I have lived 39 years almost. I hope and pray I have this privilege till i'm old and grey...sure I will be lucky to have a hug once a week...but those can be replaced with 'i love you Mum' over the phone...when he can talk :-)

For now I will make the most of holding him in my arms...my little man. I have years of hugs and kisses ahead of me, God willing. Can't wait to get better. I miss him already and it's only been a day. Makes me want to make the most of every moment with him....mums...it's the LORD in us...an overwhelming love for our little ones.

passing thoughts

My friend Lill sent me a Max Lucado devotion (Thanks Lill !). It reminded me of something I love about the LORD. I will say something in passing or think something in passing - it might be just a question or something I think I need or think I should do and then the LORD answers me.

He knows me so well and knows I love it. It freaks me out and makes me want to jump up and down with joy. Why? Because it shows me he is a part of my every day life. I'm generally just talking to myself. But he hears me and he's with me every single moment and he just participates in my life.

An example...I met this young Pacific Island girl at the church I was just starting to attend (before my Pastor left and started a new church which we joined). We connected and I left without seeing her again. Anyway months and months went by and one day I was at home thinking about her. Wondering if she was still at that church and how I should have kept in contact with her. I left my unit to do some shopping and as I stepped out my door I heard someone call me. It was her! She had just picked up her daughters who went to school a few streets away from my place.

I cracked up laughing because that is so the LORD. I think my thoughts are my own...but meanwhile it's his Spirit in me prompting me to think about certain things and people.

Another example...I was wondering about a certain issue one day and I watched Joyce Meyer on the internet that day and she was talking about that very same thing...Joyce has a list of archived programmes and I watch the one at the bottom of the list because they roll off and I don't want to miss one:-) That was the one I watched that day. And I recorded her episode that day on tv which isn't in anyway connected to the order on the internet and it was the same issue!!!

I knew that whispered thought to myself was something important to the LORD that I needed an answer to. He's so awesome like that.

Even if I'm not talking to him - he hears me and talks back. That's exactly what it feels like and I absolutely love it!!

ivf

I watched this baby programme about a mum who had twins and then sextuplets. She was truly amazing. If ever the LORD made someone to have sextuplets it was her. She was super organized and didn't have anyone helping her apart from her hubby. They kind of reminded me of myles and I - he was very complacent and easy going and she was very organised and fixed everything :-) except I'm only a little organised compared to her!

I wouldn't be able to cope - 3 boys and 3 girls plus twin girls?! Myles and I joke about having twins at our next IVF treatment but it never occurs to me I would have more...surely the LORD would know better than to give me that many!

I rang up today for IVF and the earliest appointment is mid Sept. I thought that's too late, but then I'm nowhere near ready health wise anyway. Belly dancing has been great - a part from a bad knee (need your knees for belly dancing cos that's the normal stance to shake your hips -knees bent). Weather has been wet and cloudy...so no walking, apart from at Byron Bay. Punched my punching bag today...but I need some volleyball to really get me moving.

I have blood tests first so that could take a few weeks and if they find anything wrong with me then I will have to wait till it's sorted before actually implanting the embryos. So I'm thinking Oct/Nov at the earliest. All going well I could be pregnant and doing it all again :-)