God's hands

i want to bring God glory...by making dreams come true.
so when i do something for someone they don't thank me but they thank the LORD
so when I bless them they don't give me the credit but all credit goes to the LORD.

I want them to be blown away by how much the LORD loves them. He sees them right where they are and he wants to reach out to them and bless their world. So they know that the LORD is relevant to their everyday lives.

So I do stuff to meet their every day needs.

Other times I do stuff that's just out there and that really blows their minds. I want them to know that our LORD is the God of the impossible and he is more than able to bless them beyond anything they can think or imagine. These aren't always big things either, but just things that make them feel special and loved.

The holy spirit puts ideas into my head and then he helps me to fulfil them. It always amazes me how much our budget stretches when it needs to. We always meet our needs and can afford to do things for others that most people would think is too much.

As the LORD increases what's in our hands we are able to increase what's in other people's hands. We are his hands to the world.

vince

hit me hard today that I'm not going to see my cousin. I have a thing about saying goodbye to my loved ones that have died. It's as if not seeing them means I have no closure, especially when they live in a different country. I feel like they are still there because the last time I saw them they were alive.

My cousin, Vince, is a part of my inner circle of family - he's a part of me. I have a very large extended family - that's just my mother's side. She had 14 brothers and sisters and from them I have over 60 1st cousins. Out of all these families, I have one particular family which I have always been connected to - my aunty's family, and Vince is her youngest son.

He was only 3 years older than me and now he's gone. I feel like I should be there. I've lost one of my dearest, my closest family. I know I can't be there - I have a little 4 mth baby who needs me and I needed the money to help with the funeral, fares, etc. My mum and my two brothers got to go which is awesome.

But I'm still here and I feel like I've missed an opportunity i will never have again - to say good-bye to someone special to me.

I hope and pray that everyone will focus on his good side and not go on about what he struggled in life to overcome. He wasn't perfect, but in his weakness he showed me qualities that very few in my family have - to be able to serve with a cheerful heart. He knew what people said about him and it upset him, but it didn't stop him from giving.

LORD

i didn't get to say good-bye. i know he's with you and it doesn't make sense to talk to a dead body, but it's all that remains of him. he's too busy with you now having an awesome time, joking and laughing with everyone else so he wont hear us.

But i have no idea how things work in heaven. So on the off chance you let our loved ones hear our last words - say good-bye to him from me and ask him to forgive me for not helping him sooner. Forgive our family for not remembering the many little things he did for us whenever we went home. Tell him I'm going to miss him and I love him.

Please be with my family at home for his funeral. Help them to be united, to be filled with your spirit of peace and to work together. Help them to listen to each other LORD. And please protect them all. Let this be a time for your good works so something good does come out of all this sadness. Please comfort them and bring them closer to you during this time.

Thank you LORD for your unfailing love for us, your faithfulness to your unfaithful children, and your awesome grace through our Saviour which covers us every day. We put our hope in you LORD and look forward to your plans being fulfilled in our lives. In Jesus name I pray.

overload

lots on my mind at the moment. Prayed last nite for the LORD's protection over my family as I feel there are a lot of underlying conflicts within my immediate circle of loved ones.

But at the same time there is progress with my business as opportunities arise out of sadness. It's the LORD's timing for me that in needing a Pacific focus in my business and not being able to travel that my family are going to two Pacific destinations this year. For a funeral and for a birthday.

I am scared because it's finally starting to happen business wise - a dream that has taken me years to realise. Also, progress in my main purpose in life - shelter from the wind, refuge from the storm, blessed to be a blessing

Myles and I are looking at buying a holiday home. A home just for ourselves wouldn't bless others. But a holiday home that lots of people can use would be a great blessing. We could use it to bless the families at church, we could approach shelters, orphanages, foster home organisations, to use our place as a getaway for all the people they serve. Plus our own family who can't afford holidays away for large groups, plus my nieces and nephews.

I feel like i have revealed two huge dreams to others that I have kept to myself - my dream business, my missionary dream to go into poor stricken countries and meet their basic needs...
it's all happening....maybe this is the floodgates of heaven that I have been praying about....tithing promise coming to fruition...my son calls

another loved one

lost another loved one in the weekend - my cousin. He was one of the LORD's children who struggled with his daily life but even though I saw him down I remember him smiling and joking. He was a server and a giver and he spoke his mind. Even though people said things against him, still he offered them hospitality from his humble home in Samoa, sharing whatever he had.

I believe the LORD loved him. He was that 1 lost sheep out of a 100 that the LORD would leave the 99 to look for and rescue because the LORD loved him so much. Now my cousin doesn't have to struggle any more because I believe he is finally home.

I must have a simple faith. I believe our relationship with the LORD starts the first time we reached out to him, called on his name. I believe the LORD is the most just judge because unlike us he sees everything. He sees us when we are alone and cannot hide. He sees us when we do a simple kind act so small no one else notices. He sees us when we are broken, when we are sinning, when we praise him, when no one else sees us - he does. He formed us and saw all our days before we were even a thought in our parents minds. We are no surprise to him.

He knew my cousin better than anyone. He saw what we didn't see all the good and the bad. And he gave me such a heart for my cousin that I know he had an even bigger heart for him. 'His grace is sufficient for when I am weak I am strong' - that is my cousin. In his weakness he showed his true character that he was still able to love those who looked down on him, who judged him. He had a good heart, even though it upset him, he was still able to love. That is who my LORD is. I believe my cousin was more like the LORD than others gave him credit for.

But that's just me.

muddled thoughts

what if your life was THIS for the rest of your life? Whatever 'THIS' is for you...your every day life, what you spend most of your time doing, what you do for a living, who you spend your time with...all of the above.

What does 'THIS' look like for me? It's hanging out with my son which means looking after him, entertaining him, feeding him, loving him, hugging him, kissing him, etc. Hanging out with my husband...riding in the car, shopping, laughing, eating in the same room, watchng tv, sleeping, etc. Hanging out sometimes with family, occassionally with a friend or two.

What if 'THIS' was it? Nothing more and nothing less. Would i feel like I had fulfilled my purpose in life? Or would I feel like something was missing, like I hadn't done enough?

I dream BIG dreams. It's the way the LORD made me. I imagine the floodgates of heaven opening and see the wonders the LORD would achieve. It makes me want to jump up and down and rush out and conquer evil. So what if I never did this but settled in suburbia, in a safe church, with a safe life thinking my marriage is wonderful while ignoring the cracks which show up when I stand still....

Most people would think I was a positive, encouraging, happy person....except my husband and my mum. Why is that? They see my negative side, experience my disappointment and anger.

I wrote once that if I could say i was a good wife and mother then that would be enough. But i don't know what that looks like. Does it look like a wife who accepts everything and does whatever is required of her , keeps house and puts herself second? Or is it a woman who wants to be everything she can be and encourages her loved ones to be all they can be? Problem is sometimes people don't want to be anything more than they are right now. So encouragement sounds like a nagging pushy wife or an overprotective and overpowering mother....and then you stand still and you can't be bothered being anything more than you are right now.

i don't have the power to fix everything, but for some reason I insist on trying.

i'm talking in circles.