vince

hit me hard today that I'm not going to see my cousin. I have a thing about saying goodbye to my loved ones that have died. It's as if not seeing them means I have no closure, especially when they live in a different country. I feel like they are still there because the last time I saw them they were alive.

My cousin, Vince, is a part of my inner circle of family - he's a part of me. I have a very large extended family - that's just my mother's side. She had 14 brothers and sisters and from them I have over 60 1st cousins. Out of all these families, I have one particular family which I have always been connected to - my aunty's family, and Vince is her youngest son.

He was only 3 years older than me and now he's gone. I feel like I should be there. I've lost one of my dearest, my closest family. I know I can't be there - I have a little 4 mth baby who needs me and I needed the money to help with the funeral, fares, etc. My mum and my two brothers got to go which is awesome.

But I'm still here and I feel like I've missed an opportunity i will never have again - to say good-bye to someone special to me.

I hope and pray that everyone will focus on his good side and not go on about what he struggled in life to overcome. He wasn't perfect, but in his weakness he showed me qualities that very few in my family have - to be able to serve with a cheerful heart. He knew what people said about him and it upset him, but it didn't stop him from giving.

LORD

i didn't get to say good-bye. i know he's with you and it doesn't make sense to talk to a dead body, but it's all that remains of him. he's too busy with you now having an awesome time, joking and laughing with everyone else so he wont hear us.

But i have no idea how things work in heaven. So on the off chance you let our loved ones hear our last words - say good-bye to him from me and ask him to forgive me for not helping him sooner. Forgive our family for not remembering the many little things he did for us whenever we went home. Tell him I'm going to miss him and I love him.

Please be with my family at home for his funeral. Help them to be united, to be filled with your spirit of peace and to work together. Help them to listen to each other LORD. And please protect them all. Let this be a time for your good works so something good does come out of all this sadness. Please comfort them and bring them closer to you during this time.

Thank you LORD for your unfailing love for us, your faithfulness to your unfaithful children, and your awesome grace through our Saviour which covers us every day. We put our hope in you LORD and look forward to your plans being fulfilled in our lives. In Jesus name I pray.