faith

had a connect group last night. Someone asked why is our faith not as powerful as those first believers, why don't we experience what the apostles did when they first received the holy spirit with speaking in tongues, etc. The holy spirit moved in miraculous ways.

It has made me think of what it must have been like at that first meeting of believers as recorded in Acts. We don't share the same conversion story because we didn't experience what they did.

They gathered at a momentus point in time, beginning of a movement of faith which would shape the world, awaiting the promise of the Holy Spirit from a Saviour they knew in person, they saw ascend, witnesses to his resurrection, heard his words with their own ears, saw him heal the sick, raise the dead. They experienced first hand that all things are possible with the LORD by seeing him in action.

To me the Holy Spirit was so visibly powerful because the disciples needed this level of faith. They had the important task of setting the world on fire. They had to survive persecution, pass on this real faith from generation to generation to survive the dark ages so that in 2007 we would still believe. His deeds were a part of their personal experience, embedded in their memories so they would never give up. He met their needs.

With that level of faith came real sacrifice and real persecution. Perhaps the LORD knows that most of us are not up to the challenge. We want the miracles of old but can we walk in their footsteps? Most of the disciples suffered horrible deaths - can we carry this cross?

I don't think so. It seems only a few of us are able. The majority of us have different crosses to bear and different needs to be met.

The needs of my part of the world are on the most part not physical but emotional and mental. That's the major healing needed here to overcome evil. That's the power we need to show.

Its a worldly way of thinking that because every christian doesn't have the greater gifts of the Holy Spirit like healing the sick, prophesy, etc. that this means we lack power. I believe, we are thinking like the world when we give in to that mentality that we have to prove our faith by BIG HUGE WALK ON WATER MIRACLES. That's not how the LORD works. He performed those miracles because there was a need for them.

The Holy Spirit's greatest power to me is visible in a changed life. Believing that your life has changed is faith especially when others can't see it but you know it to be the truth. Each of us born again is a living 'walk on water' miracle.

To each of us he gives a measure of faith, a personal relationship with him through the Holy Spirit, his word and each other.

Don't get me wrong I would have loved for the LORD to heal my Dad of his cancer, to have had an easy labour and my son born on my Dad's birthday, but these things didn't happen. I believed for it and stepped out in faith and in the case of my Dad, he did get better before he got worse so I was sure he was going to be healed. But the LORD didn't give me that miracle.

Do I believe in the LORD less? Do I doubt he really exists? Do I doubt that all things are possible with the LORD? No, because my faith is built on an unshakeable truth - the LORD knows everything and I don't. I may not know his reasons but it doesn't change who he is - he is the Creator, the master planner and he knows what's best for me and all his creations. This I'm sure of.

What is faith: it's being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Heb 11:1)

no.1 goal this year

I have one goal above all others for this year:

TO ENJOY MY LIFE!

I want caleb's first year to be remembered as one full of fun, adventure, new beginnnings, new discoveries, travel, etc. I thought of this last week as I was talking to the LORD....how the last few years has been about reacting to circumstances and coping with things thrown into my life. To the point where I am waiting for the next test or trial to happen TO me and figuring out how i'm going to cope.

I thought I can't just let things happen to me anymore...i'm going to not only expect good things but proactively seek out good things to make the most of this year.

So while i'm repairing my body in preparation for our next baby...I am also going to do lots of things to enjoy my life. To have fun with with my family, esp myles and caleb.

I realise even my nieces and nephews are growing up so fast and I hardly saw them last year because i was preggy, but I have 4 mths or so before we try again. So i can just hang out with them and do fun things....will have to be different from before because of baby.

a houseboat trip for the weekend??

imperfection

The LORD is not a perfectionist. How do I know that?
We're still here - humanity that is.

Some key biblical heros stuffed up big time (murder, adultery, immorality, lies and deceit, killing christians) and yet the LORD still blessed them. If he was a perfectionist he would have looked elsewhere. He would have picked people with qualifications and proven experience in the areas he wanted them to serve in...that's what the world would do. But instead he picked the poor and the weak to humble the rich and the strong...he's the King of upside down thinking.

My problem is sometimes I expect perfection from him...

• i asked him to save my ovary and to save my ectopic baby. He saved my ovary but not my baby.
• i asked him to save my Dad from cancer and to provide a home with a whole list of requirements for all my family. He gave me the home but took my Dad.
• i asked him to save my husband. He saved my husband but it nearly destroyed my marriage.
• i asked him to provide me with a home with a pool and a backyard for my nieces and nephews to play in, near public transport, safe area for my child to grow up in. He gave me this home but the Landlord sold the house and I may only have six more mths here.
• i asked for my son to be born on my Dad's birthday. His due date was the day after but baby was a week late and it looks like the medical aid who looked after me in recovery was a God appointment for my future.

These imperfections range from big to small and some have rocked my world and others have just made life harder.


I realised then that he didn't care about making things perfect for me or for him. That's not his aim.


If God cared about perfection there would be no evil in the world with just one word from him. When Adam and Eve stuffed up, he could have removed them from the face of the earth and started again...he could have scribbled out earth altogether and drawn up another plan.

So when he 'stuffs up' my requests eg: when my Dad died at 59. He let me rant and rave and be upset with him, myself and the world. He comforted me and let me mourn. Last nite I cried yet again over the loss of my Dad. The LORD let my family experience this loss, feel this pain. Why??

He's not this world's idea of Santa Claus. He has trillions of lives to consider over many generations. So sometimes he will sacrifice my happiness in the short term for eternal purposes.

If he cared about perfect I would not exist. Instead he cares about saving us, about creating a master plan that only he fully understands, because Satan is so cunning that the LORD cannot reveal everything to us. Satan is so evil that it will take only the LORD's master strokes to right all that he has wronged.

I thought of those children who suffer at the hands of evil, of all the sickness and disease in the world that strike even the most innocent of us. These are the things the LORD is trying to put right. These are the things the LORD is trying to save us from. I say trying because we are a part of this master plan and we are all imperfect. If he destroyed evil none of us would exist.

I can't see past the pain that is in front of me but the LORD can...he sees eternity.

So yes I have lossed, yes I feel pain but I have also experienced such blessings that make my heart burst with joy. I just have to look at Caleb. And i know that these blessings only scratch at the surface of what the LORD has planned for us for the rest of eternity. Yet last night I only felt sadness and pain...it made me want to hold Caleb tightly but he was fast asleep. The LORD let me feel this, but he also gave me hope so i could cope...in the form of a 6 week old cutie.

it's all about caleb

wow, this blog really isn't about me thanks to my man :-). How to become one with your hubby...join google blogger (or whatever this is called now) and you no longer exist.

Good thing myles and i are the only contributors remaining so if this doesn't get fixed it's only us anyway. But my life is all about caleb.

my little man...

I held you in my hands today and I realised I held a life
a life shaped by me, influenced by me??
i fear that I will bend you too much to think like me and see the world like me.
This is NOT my prayer for you.

Instead i ask the LORD to:
Let my hands stay open and not grasp you tightly;
let me watch in wonder as you grow and flourish;
let me see the world from your eyes, listen to your thoughts;
let me enjoy every moment as you become the creation he made you to be.

To let him by my guide and yours.

blessed are we....

well it has taken some time to get back to the blogging thing...I think about it often when i have questions on life...or particular praise I want to shout to thee world.

The main praise is of course the birth of Caleb. THANKS LORD.