myles

My man playing with my children.

proving to be a very productive time without my man. only because my brother has pitched in to help me sort my backyard. Since we did the biggest loser comp. it has been full of sports equipment. I do have a lot of stuff to get rid of! Purging I think is great for the soul. Including old attitudes!

I miss myles. I knew I would but it's not his presence like I thought I would. He is such a big help with the children and weekends we spend even more time together. It's not in relation to the kids. I just miss my hubby.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder. We have been together 19 years and I realise he has changed so much in the last 10 years or so. It made me realise something about myself. I still treat him as if he's the same. Instead of learning to love and appreciate who he is now.

It doesn't help that the man I fell in love with was so awesome and ahead of his time! But now at 40 he's learning what it means to be him, who God created him to be, warts and all.

I am one of the lucky ones. My husband is supportive and loving and he never stops trying. He's forever trying to accommodate me. And I need to do the same with him. Old attitudes of mine have no place in this new family of ours.

home alone

40 yrs old and home alone with my children for the 1st time ever! My brother lives with us but he's mostly at his girlfriend's place. My hubby has gone to NZ for the weekend. His Mum's plaque will be unveilled on Saturday. Hope he will be ok.

Home alone should be interesting - aaaahhh! putting them to sleep at night will be the hardest...caleb will wonder where his Dad is. Lots of fun!

I'm wondering how I will cope. As long as we stay accident free I should be ok. That's when I start to panic. I could easily ask one of my relatives over to help out but I actually want to see how I will go.

My daughter is crawling all over the place and my son wants me to play soccer with him...all good stuff. But a whole weekend??

small things can outweigh big things

I wrote a post a few days ago which I didn't post. It was just to revealing, layed my heart bare for the world to see. And it was just too much of my heart.

But since I wrote it the LORD has really answered so much of it. And I'm trying to put it into practice. It requires me renewing my mind.

I can share this - you know when things weigh you down and you can't get them out of your head? Well, that's me. I'm a problem solver so when something bugs me, I can't just put it aside.

So in writing about it, the LORD of course has shown me yet again that I don't have to let my mind rule my spirit or my emotions. The world does not have to be perfect for me to enjoy it still.

In fact I can be dealing with huge issues and still manage to enjoy my every day life. This image of my son and my man popped into my head when the LORD was counselling me over this. I wish I had taken a photo! It took place the day before when we all spent the morning together.

They were sitting on a bench on a main shopping road, so there was a lot of hustling and bustling around them, and they were happily sharing lebanese bread together watching the world go by...just hanging out together waiting for me and riley to return.

It was such a great image. I stood there watching them for a bit. It was such a lovely morning together with lots of 1sts. We started off with great coffee in a new coffee shop. Found this deli with yummy salads and great bread which we had never noticed before! Plus a wonderful french style homeware store. It was like we had never walked along that road before. Yet we've been their so many times!

So this all happened the day before the battle with my mind! Praise the LORD for he never leaves me nor forsakes me. That he is ever present in my life and patiently teaches me. Reminds me how blessed I am to have the family I do have. And most importantly to cast my cares on to him! He reminds me that I don't have to deal with the big stuff on my own. And that there are much better things to dwell on which may seem small to others but are just as powerful to me.

health kick

don't think i've posted on this...but about 3 mths ago I started a 'biggest loser' comp with my family. My sister-in-law was doing it at her work, so I thought there are a few of my close family needing to do something about their health. We did really well in the 1st couple of months until christmas hit and then it was hard to meet up and people went away on holidays. Might do it again later in the year for another 3 mths. We met once a week compulsory to exercise together, and then another night for those super keen.

Most of us lost some weight. It really kick started me on doing something about my health. I've lost 13 kilos. I'm trying to increase my exercise so I'm doing something everyday. I found that just running around after the children helped. Most days I only sit down for an hour at most in total....5 mins here and there.

But my little ones are starting to have more of a routine...every time I say that to myself Riley starts teething again and doesn't sleep for very long!

Yesterday I managed to actually read something during the day. I'm realising more and more than I need to spend time doing things that I love like meeting up with my girl cousins, reading, crafty things. Rather than just duties and chores!

Myles and I are planning to be more involved in other activities this year. My worry is exercise will be sacrificed and that is a huge priority for me. In the back of my mind is this thought - I'm an older parent and i need to stay young and healthy for my kids. I want to see my grandchildren. I can't do that if I'm unfit and unhealthy.

I realised a few years ago that I take care of my mind and spirit but never my body. I have apologised to the LORD about that because he gave me such a good beginning. I use to be skinny and sporty. But i've used and abused one of his gifts to me.

The LORD is covering me with his grace because he knows this is such an area of weakness for me. Even when I take giant steps backwards I still keep losing weight.

But now I really need to move to another level and change my lifestyle. It has to have lots of activities which focuses on my fitness. Those three magic words which the LORD seems to have written over my life pop into my head:

BALANCE SIMPLIFY ACCEPT

discipline

i just had a moment with my son which has brought home to me that I need to decide how to discipline him and stick to it.

I use to think that a little smack on the hand was ok esp when they're young like caleb's age now. But that was before I had caleb. I gave him one smack on his leg when he did something really naughty last year sometime. I was so upset with myself that I decided i would never do it again. It's not ok for him to smack people so why is it ok for me? How can I teach him if I don't lead by example??

So just now, I was breastfeeding riley on the couch, caleb sitting next to me. I didn't realise he had riley's toe in his mouth till she gave a little yelp. he had bitten her toe. Once i realised what he was doing I immediately told him off. And moved him away from us. He reacted badly which is normal for him. I told him to say sorry to his sister and he refused so I let him sulk while continuing to breastfeed.

But then he reached for her foot again and i instinctively flicked his hand and said 'NO!' It was a smack, ever so small but still. Caleb totally lost the plot and was so angry and tried to hit me. I was so taken back by it. I said 'No, caleb don't hit me' but he tried again. His face was so angry and hurt by me.

I just wanted to hug him and say sorry. In his lifetime where has he learnt to raise his hand and hit? Has he seen my nieces and nephews do it? I know he was with a couple of boy cousins and they were beating each other up as if it was a game, and I immediately took him away. Was it that one time when I hit him??? My son is 2yrs old and 2 mths. He already knows how to hit another person!

I am never going to hit him. I know it was reflex to protect riley, my other hand was holding her to my boob, so I was caught out. I should have removed myself from him. But I just didn't think he was going to try bite her again.

It was a rebellious moment. Maybe it's a human reaction. Maybe caleb was acting instinctively to protect himself.

Now I remember, I was kissing her foot better at the time so when he reached for her foot that second time...he may even have been trying to kiss it better too! But I just reacted instinctively. I have to be very careful from now on. My son is at the terrible 2 age so I need to be consistent about how I discipline him. Never again will I smack him.

We kissed and made up, lots of big hugs all round. But it caused me to pause.