i just had a moment with my son which has brought home to me that I need to decide how to discipline him and stick to it.
I use to think that a little smack on the hand was ok esp when they're young like caleb's age now. But that was before I had caleb. I gave him one smack on his leg when he did something really naughty last year sometime. I was so upset with myself that I decided i would never do it again. It's not ok for him to smack people so why is it ok for me? How can I teach him if I don't lead by example??
So just now, I was breastfeeding riley on the couch, caleb sitting next to me. I didn't realise he had riley's toe in his mouth till she gave a little yelp. he had bitten her toe. Once i realised what he was doing I immediately told him off. And moved him away from us. He reacted badly which is normal for him. I told him to say sorry to his sister and he refused so I let him sulk while continuing to breastfeed.
But then he reached for her foot again and i instinctively flicked his hand and said 'NO!' It was a smack, ever so small but still. Caleb totally lost the plot and was so angry and tried to hit me. I was so taken back by it. I said 'No, caleb don't hit me' but he tried again. His face was so angry and hurt by me.
I just wanted to hug him and say sorry. In his lifetime where has he learnt to raise his hand and hit? Has he seen my nieces and nephews do it? I know he was with a couple of boy cousins and they were beating each other up as if it was a game, and I immediately took him away. Was it that one time when I hit him??? My son is 2yrs old and 2 mths. He already knows how to hit another person!
I am never going to hit him. I know it was reflex to protect riley, my other hand was holding her to my boob, so I was caught out. I should have removed myself from him. But I just didn't think he was going to try bite her again.
It was a rebellious moment. Maybe it's a human reaction. Maybe caleb was acting instinctively to protect himself.
Now I remember, I was kissing her foot better at the time so when he reached for her foot that second time...he may even have been trying to kiss it better too! But I just reacted instinctively. I have to be very careful from now on. My son is at the terrible 2 age so I need to be consistent about how I discipline him. Never again will I smack him.
We kissed and made up, lots of big hugs all round. But it caused me to pause.
2 comments:
I don't believe it is ok to hit children (or anyone!) either Tali. THere are so many more ways to punish when it is needed and effective disciplines actually work better than punishments. TIme aways are perfect for ages 18 mo-5 years old. one minute per year of age in a time out chair has always worked when my children were little. Now we take away privelages. I have a wonderful Christian book about effective disciplines and acceptable punishments called The Discipline Book by William Sears and his wife Martha. it is great. look for it...it will give you all kinds of ideas and methods...i used his toilet teaching methods and my 2 girls were fully toilet trained before age 3.
Thanks, Faith. will definitely look for it. was in my favourite christian bookstore on Frid, looking at child raising books. I was going to ask you if you knew of any good books!
I use to think a little smack when children were really naughty at this young age was ok...a couple of warnings using my tone of voice, and if they are still naughty then one smack on their hand. It's meant to stop them from ever pushing that far again. And hopefully you don't ever need to do it again. Never smack in anger only as a form of discipline, a last resort. That was the logic anyway. Theory is a far cry from actual practice!
That one time i tried to implement this was terrible. I hated it. It was one little smack. But I couldn't cope. At the time I hugged him so tight and kept saying sorry. He had no idea what was going on.
Now I just use my tone, and I carry thru with whatever punishment I've said to him...eg: when he doesn't take turns, he forfits whatever it is he was playing or doing. If he's really upset I hold him till he gets over it and moves on. But I never give in. Most of the time I let him cry and get over it himself. Hug him when he's over it.
I know consistency is the key and I can't say things that I'm not going to carry thru, otherwise I send him mixed messages. The punishments have to realistic.
My nieces and nephews know that I say what I mean so I spoil them but I'm also strict. They fight with each other alot. They know I'm always fair in working things out. They have stayed over at my place frequently over the years. I love them as if they were my own.
So now I will do the same with my little ones. But more importantly I will teach them to love each other and take care of each other.
Thanks Faith! And toilet training is next on my list. Caleb is getting very good at knowing when he's actually doing something. But I'm waiting till after his grandpa visits next month:)
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