time out

since i wrote my last post i have really been put to the challenge about what needs to change and how I can be responsible for my life! In all honesty I can say last night and today has been totally crap, but as always in the midst of confusion and trials the LORD shines hope.

I visited Faith's blog which was just what i needed. I remembered I was going to do one of her wonderful list things on christmas day. But I never did. It's just what I need to chill out so going to make a cup of tea, let my man mind my kids behind me as I zone out :)

Seven things I did before I was a Mom:

1. played volleyball for a club - loved it!
2. walked in the rain ...just seems a bit irresponsible to do that with little kids :)
3. danced and danced out on the town with my family. I still dance but with my little ones to wiggles songs or occassionally at family weddings and birthdays...but that's too old ABBA songs!
4. drank gin and tonic - in fairness I had 2 last month at my cousins hens/bucks night. But the long wait before I could breastfeed riley wasn't worth it so will wait till riley can drink from a bottle.
5. movie marathons...in cinemas when they have 3 movies in a row starting at 11pmish and finishing about 6amish.
6. all nighters with loved ones - stay up all night and go to bed after breakfast!
7. paint...sooo haven't done that! But I have a list of ideas for next ones to do.

Seven things I do, now that I know Jesus really loves me:

1. cast all my cares on to him including my gripes :)
2. listen for his voice in my every day life
3. give more than i take
4. examine my heart
5. sing without reservation because I sing for him
6. love more and judge less
7. change

Seven things I would like to do:

1. see more of the world the LORD has made, especially with my children
2. learn how to sew! Becos it hinders so many of my craft projects
3. learn how to drive
4. buy a holiday home by a beach so my extended family can go on holiday
5. visit Watoto in Uganda
6. spoil my grand-children
7. spoil my mum

Seven things that still attract me to my husband!

1. he loves to play with his nieces and nephews and now his children
2. he loves to help others
3. he still makes me laugh
4. he lets me have time to do this, even though it's taking me ages and the kids are going crazy
5. he's so happy to see his son running to him after work and he has love written all over his face as he scoops him up and squeezes him!
6. most of the time he sits in shopping malls patiently waiting for me to finish
7. his beautiful eyes

Seven favorite foods:

1. ham on the bone
2. lattes
3. chippies/crisps
4. mangoes
5. lime ice cream
6. seafood pasta salad my cousin makes
7. pork buns
   

Seven things I say most often:

1. No, caleb...hopefully temporary :)
2. baby...to both my little ones
3. love you
4. thank you LORD (whenever my kids escape seriously injuring themselves after a tumble! this happens often)
5. why? (to the LORD, my hubby, myself!)
6. careful...to caleb mostly :)
7. when are you coming home? to guess who :)

New year old year gripes

There are times when i seriously don't like myself. I'm snappy and lose the plot over things like messy kitchens and bathrooms. Certain people rub me up the wrong way and i find fault everywhere.

These are things that concern me because they add unnecessarily to my daily chores and with a little effort by everyone, my life is made easier. But is it worth losing my joy over?

So today i hung out with an old girlfriend of mine. Always afterwards I feel a lot lighter and happier. Why is it some people lift you up and others pull you down? Does that mean i should surround myself with the 1st lot and banish the 2nd lot to a small corner in my life...only to be dealt with when necessary. Or am i just being to fussy??

IT'S A NEW YEAR! Life does not have to be an accumulation of wasted moments. I am 40 years old. I am in charge of my own life. If I don't like it then something needs to change otherwise I'm doomed to live wasted moments.

I would much rather celebrate life and have real life changing moments. Hanging out with my kids is awesome and fun but being responsible for everything in my home is not. I'm not the only adult here.

Last week I went to bed at midnight or soon after. Even by 11pm one night. But my little ones have been waking up a lot due to the heat and riley is teething. So I have had lots of broken sleep. I'm not good with broken sleep. Yet still i'm expected to do everything else in the house.

Something has to change. It's a new year, a great time to start a fresh and shake off the old ways!

potential

Every now and then I sit doing something ordinary like watching tv and a thought slips into my head. What am I meant to achieve in this life of mine? I'm 40, what was i meant to do by now? Am I doing it or am i nowhere near close to where I should be??

I'm worried about other people in my life, that they will be swamped and give up, their relationship with the LORD. But what about my relationship with the LORD?

I found myself asking 'just how close am i to you LORD?'. Another thought popped into my head - How close do you want to be?

My answer is this - as close as i can be, as close as if i was resting my head on his chest...or as a child sitting at her Father's feet - safe, happy, protected.

Can I be that close to you LORD? If I was I would whisper into you ear 'hold on tightly to my brother and don't let him go'.

I wonder what my potential was meant to be? I am 40 yrs old and I still have a desire to reach my potential before I die...not to fulfil it, because I have an eternity for that, but to be where I'm meant to be at whatever age I meet the LORD.

I'm doing a 5 yr plan, and I think I need to step up my game. Life is just too short and I have 2 beautiful children who need me to be around for as long as i possibly can be...without being a burden to them of course :)

changes changes

LORD
plse hold on tightly to my brother. He needs you right now. I dont know what his relationship with you is like, but i know he believes and i know he prays. His life has been turned upside down now. I know they needed a changed because he was so stressed out with his job and family life. Something had to give. I'm sad for him that it has ended this way with the loss of his job after all his hardwork. I need you to fill him with hope about his future LORD. He has opened the door for you to turn this change around. You let this happen for a reason. Plse show my brother what he needs to do, help him to make right choices, to see your plans for him, to prosper him and not to harm him, to give him a hope and a future.

It's the first time my sister-in-law has said anything about you to me LORD. Please show her that you are taking care of them. That Satan meant this for their destruction, but you will use it for their good because you love them. I have prayed about them for years LORD. Please help them now. Letting this turning point in their lives bring them closer to you.

Please hold on tightly to them LORD. No weapon formed against them shall prosper LORD. Your joy will be their strength. Fill them now LORD. No more bad news. Give them that hope they need to pick themselves up and keep going. Show them what you see, lift my brother up on your shoulders and show him that you closed that door so he could move on to something better for his own personal growth and for his family. Show him the possibilities and fill him with your spirit LORD so that he can walk in your will. Be a lamp onto his feet and a light onto his path.

If you did this to discipline him then show him what needs to change. For you only discipline the ones you love, like a Father with his son. If it's because you wanted to set him free from his burdens so he move on to a better future, then show him what he needs to do next to walk in it.

Speak to him loud and clear LORD. Show him that he is sheltered under the shadow of your wing, and even though this is so hard and sad, he has so much more to look forward to. comfort him LORD, like you always comfort me, more so LORD because he's not use to your voice. He was brought up in traditional christianity, so having you step into his every day life needs to be as crystal clear as Thomas seeing the scars on your hands. Show him LORD that you are real and you care for him now, in the midst of his pain, you are there. That you will never leave him nor forsake him.

His wife is trying to be so strong for him. Please LORD fill her with your wisdom. Help her to understand her man. You know her personality LORD, plse use this to bring them both closer together. To strengthen their love and commitment to each other and to their children.

My brother weighs heavy on my mind. My heart breaks for him because he worked so hard for so long and this is how it ended. He needs to take some good from this LORD. Please let his managers remember the good he did, and reward him in some way so he can walk away on good terms.

My other brother is also weighing me down. It's funny but times like this I want to talk to my mum and my sister. Why is that LORD? For comfort or just to hear their voices and make sure they are both ok.

Help the rest of us to speak your words to him LORD. Fill us with your discernment and wisdom so we can help and not hinder. So we wont be a stumbling block for them, so we can love them as you would. So we can be like Jesus and speak words of wisdom that will touch their hearts and help them to see past the fog that surrounds them now.

in your mighty name Lord Jesus

answered prayer

I wrote the post on prayer yesterday in the early hours of the morning because I was leaving something in the LORD's hands that I couldn't fix and had no answers for. It has been on my mind for a while now but more so in the last week because it was looking impossible for me to change...no solution. Yesterday, the LORD showed me that he is working on it.

I would give details but it's about an impossible relationship. I needed to change my mindset and he has started that. He's changing my heart because I have told him that I don't know how and I need him to do it.

It always amazes me how something seemingly impossible is nothing to the LORD. He can get rid of the problem so easily and you are left thinking 'what was the big deal, how easy was that to solve'. He's the King of conflict resolution.

I was only saying yesterday to this person that we will just keep doing what we can and leave the rest in the LORD's hands. He is so good! I know it's only the beginning but he has so filled me with hope that I can't wait to see the rest of his handiwork.