how does He do it??

how does the LORD cope with sickness? I have 2 children he has millions. Does he feel what we feel? Jesus did experience all we have, he had mercy on us, he cried when he saw us in pain, he loved those who belonged to him and showed compassion to many.

The LORD knows each of us. He knows all the days of our lives before we even know them. Yet he is right there with us for each moment of our lives. He feels the pain i feel today - caleb was getting better and yesterday he vomited twice, and tonite he woke up and vomited. It's very upsetting for me, because he's so upset and all i can do is hold him because i can't instantly wave a wand and make it all go away.

The LORD sees caleb's little face too and he sees mine. He's seen his children experience the most horrific things in this world. And he doesn't wave a magic wand and make it instantly go away. I would want to intervene. But i know that's not the plan.

It's like seeing Jesus suffer at the hands of the soldiers, tortured and nailed to a cross...how did God not unleash all the power he holds to wipe those soldiers from the face of the earth and beat Satan to a pulp??? I mean the angels must have been pacing up and down like caged lions waiting to be released so they could devour all before them and save Jesus. But they could do nothing without God's permission.

How does the LORD suffer with us so?? How does he comfort us and hold us in his arms and not want to act?? Even if he is all knowing. Satan's time on this earth keeps rolling on...i know God sees time differently from us but still...how can he live in the moment and view the future the same way??

So glad that my job is sooooo much smaller. I just have to figure out why my son is spewing and if i can't do that I have to do what i can to comfort and help him through it. I only have to be discerning about my two little ones and I pray the LORD grants me so much grace in this area. Because I have no idea what i'm doing.

I just have to care for my two little ones, hold them in my arms. Unlike the LORD who holds the world and works out what's best for all...the seen and the unseen.

sickness

kids are both sick. now i know what it feels like to be my brother. He has 4 kids and when one gets sick they all go down!

I don't cope well with sickness. Caleb has very rarely been sick but when he is i become a blubbering mess. So having two kids sick as been a huge learning experience. But here's something interesting. My little girl has the cold and when i talk to her i say things like 'you can fight this little one', 'keep fighting'...what's with that??? Yet with caleb it's all been 'my poor baby' and lots of comforting talk.

Yet my daughter I seem to be trying to build her up or something! Am i expecting more from her already? Or is it because she's my 2nd child and so i have more experience and know she will be alright? But she's only a month old. I see her struggling to breath and wish i could do something to help her breath, tried sucking the mucus out of her nose because the silly nose drops weren't doing a lot of good and causing her a lot of stress, making her even more blocked up.

it's weird because my relationship with my own mum who is here helping out is deteriorating. And i hope and pray that I build a much more loving and accepting relationship with my little girl.

For some reason in my family more is expected of girls. They have more responsibility. I'm typical of girls in my family. I don't want that for my daughter. I don't want to expect more of her than caleb. she can be her own person. I don't want to be doomed to repeat the mistakes of my parents but then i don't want to overcompensate and go the other way.

Balance, balance, balance. LORD, help me to love her the way you love her. To be her guide and her greatest cheerleader. To be a great steward of this awesome creation you have placed in our hands. She's so vulnerable and I guess part of me what's to make her strong so she can cope with this world. Please draw close to her LORD and help her to love you. Thank you for protecting her and being her rock and her refuge. Hide her in your wings LORD as she battles this cold. help her to a speedy recovery. Thank you LORD.

being a mum

I know it's only been a month since riley was born and being a mother of 2 will take some time for me to get use to...but it's hitting me just how much my life is going to be full on. I know I have to be fitter and healthier to be able to cope but just working out routines is going to take time.

I have learnt one lesson - never carry a newborn into your toddler's bedroom when he's just woken up. Because mine doesn't wake up a happy chappy but crying and wanting to be carried...and my arms were full with riley...I was like 'wait a minute son, i've just got to put riley down'...run back to lounge put riley down, run back to room and pick up a hysterical caleb :)

Today both my babies fell asleep - riley on the couch and caleb on my lap...I wanted to have a nap too...so instead of carrying caleb to the room, I put him on his toddler couch on the floor, I grabbed floor cushions and made myself a bed next to him and we all camped in the lounge. Except riley woke up 10mins later :)

Right now I don't have time to myself. It has hit me in the last week because I'm always being Mum. 24/7...unlike a job you can leave at the office, I never stop being Mum. Mum's are an amazing lot. I have no qualifications for it, and every day I learn how to be a Mum, learn something new, learn the job...and unlike other jobs most of my learning is going to be by trial and error. There is no job description, list of duties, and someone to teach you how to do the job...yes, I have books and advice but each child is different and two children in one family are not the same as two children in another family.

I know in a few months it will change again and I will have a better idea of how my two little ones fit with each other and me. I can't wait till my 6 week check up and hopefully I will be able to do more exercise and then do more with caleb. Already I am doing too much but I feel like I'm recovering well.

It's been great being able to run around and do stuff without pain and tiredness. I have been thanking the LORD for small mercies...3 hours sleep without interruption...the sound of rain as I jump into bed with my little family around me...my son sleeping without waking up.

Had a family bbq just to celebrate how blessed we are to have riley and caleb. I felt like celebrating with my close loved ones. I forgot how much work a bbq was but i enjoyed every moment of it, because I was just looking forward to hanging out with them all, the noise and laughter, the smiling faces of my family. It was great. But the next day could barely move my legs :)

Being a Mum has to be the most challenging and the most rewarding job ever. There is a lot of self-sacrificing...or is that just the kind of mother I choose to be?? I want to put them 1st because they need protecting and loving...I am learning to love without expectation...so when do parents change and start expecting more in return? I hope that never happens to me.

my little girl

here's a pic of my not so 'little' girl. She was bigger than her brother in length and weight but for some reason she just seems so much more fragile than he was.

Not sure if I have said this but I've always been scared to have a little girl. For a couple of reasons...

her safety...this world is not made for little girls...but i thank the LORD that she will be holding his hand in this world...i can't go everywhere with her but he can. I know personally how messed up this world can be and I wish I could protect her from it, but the LORD knows best and he will be with her every step of the way home.

i'm not a typical girl...I've always loved the outdoors, running around, playing sport, playing with a ball, or wargames with my cousins. Didn't play with dolls or dress up or other girlie things. Preferred hanging out with boys than girls because they were always so catty.

So I worried that if I had a girlie girl I wouldn't be able to meet her needs. But I have worked out some strategies...if she needs help with make-up or her hair, I have a couple of close relatives I can turn to :)...if she wants to play with her dolls than I have 2 cousins who just had girls around same time as me...I can invite them around :)

Having said all that I can be very girlie...love flowers, love bright colours, Pacific colours, so lots of beautiful bright flowery summer dresses for my little one. I think with all the many women in my family Riley will be fine. Lots of variety to choose from and help her to decide who she wants to be and what she will love and include in her life. Most importantly she will have the LORD, her Creator, to show her who she was destined to be.

baby girl

quick word - had a healthy baby girl - Riley Diana. Caesarian after going into labour...couldn't get pass that magic mark of 8cm. Just as well I didn't have a natural birth - Riley was bigger than Caleb - 4.52 kilos or 9.9lbs and 56cm long or 22inches.

I thank the LORD for blessing us with another healthy child. I feel like I have been waiting for her for ages, so am soooo happy we are both home and well.

will write more when I have energy.