my little girl

here's a pic of my not so 'little' girl. She was bigger than her brother in length and weight but for some reason she just seems so much more fragile than he was.

Not sure if I have said this but I've always been scared to have a little girl. For a couple of reasons...

her safety...this world is not made for little girls...but i thank the LORD that she will be holding his hand in this world...i can't go everywhere with her but he can. I know personally how messed up this world can be and I wish I could protect her from it, but the LORD knows best and he will be with her every step of the way home.

i'm not a typical girl...I've always loved the outdoors, running around, playing sport, playing with a ball, or wargames with my cousins. Didn't play with dolls or dress up or other girlie things. Preferred hanging out with boys than girls because they were always so catty.

So I worried that if I had a girlie girl I wouldn't be able to meet her needs. But I have worked out some strategies...if she needs help with make-up or her hair, I have a couple of close relatives I can turn to :)...if she wants to play with her dolls than I have 2 cousins who just had girls around same time as me...I can invite them around :)

Having said all that I can be very girlie...love flowers, love bright colours, Pacific colours, so lots of beautiful bright flowery summer dresses for my little one. I think with all the many women in my family Riley will be fine. Lots of variety to choose from and help her to decide who she wants to be and what she will love and include in her life. Most importantly she will have the LORD, her Creator, to show her who she was destined to be.

baby girl

quick word - had a healthy baby girl - Riley Diana. Caesarian after going into labour...couldn't get pass that magic mark of 8cm. Just as well I didn't have a natural birth - Riley was bigger than Caleb - 4.52 kilos or 9.9lbs and 56cm long or 22inches.

I thank the LORD for blessing us with another healthy child. I feel like I have been waiting for her for ages, so am soooo happy we are both home and well.

will write more when I have energy.

the continuing saga of baby names!

Last nite, my Mum had the baby names book out and the rest of us (my brother and hubby) brainstormed on names yet again.

So far we only have Riley which Myles and I both like. Then my brother came up with the idea of letting caleb pick a name. So we wrote all the possibilities down on bits of paper....misty, storm, riley, ocean, tre, calypso, etc. And then tried to get caleb to pick one. Except he kept taking them all. So got him to hand me one from his pile. And guess what it was? RILEY.

Myles and I cracked up laughing. My mum didn't find it too funny - she doesn't like that name. So looks more and more like her name will be Riley Diana. But myles has taken a liking to Misty now...

pregnancy loneliness

when i feel helpless I feel lonely
why is that??
I literally can't help myself...i have to ask for help for big things and little things.
I can't complete things on my own...I need help to accomplish even small things.

This last month I have felt frustrated at my inability to cope.
I can't even stretch away my aches and pains.
Someone else has to massage me.
I can't enjoy my son falling asleep on my arm...it hurts too much.

Why does this make me feel so lonely??? because I'm alone.
No one else can carry my child.
I could barely walk 2 days ago...but I went out anyway.
I looked ridiculous.

I am worried for my baby.
I want to try a natural birth.
Having had a caesarian, if things go wrong I might lose my child.
It's a small chance, but still it's a risk.
I'm scared and have been praying I make the right decision.

I feel alone because I'm so dependent on others.
I hate being so needy.
But that's just how it's meant to be.
I only have to survive a little while longer.

Then I will hold my baby.
See the life that has been growing in me.
The aches and pains will not compare.
And every day I spend with her will be a blessing.

dreaming

1 week to go!!! Have that feel like writing feeling again.

Dreams:
to buy a holiday house somewhere within walking distance of a beautiful beach so i can take all my nieces and nephews and children there during the weekends. Give them experiences they wouldn't otherwise have.

to have my own business working from home. So I get to spend maximum time with my kids and do something i love.

to buy a plot of land where we can build a community centre which churches can book out for services (ideally free of charge), outdoor bbq park area, basketball courts, volleyball court, pool, cafe and bookstore. Where everyone is welcome and churches from different denominations work together for the good of the local community and on projects bigger than themselves...united as one.

to fund practical progammes which meet the basic needs of poverty strickened countries in Africa...like Watoto. one country at a time.

ok that's enough dreaming :)