to blog or not to blog?

I was reading faith's blog and it reminded me of the blogging dilemma that I have. Blogging is not like your personal diary where you can write all that's on your mind, all the trials and battles you go through, or even all that the LORD is working on in your life.

It's the whole privacy thing. If you want to be able to write all this then you're better of remaining anonymous and not putting your name or family pictures, etc. because sometimes it's your family you're battling with. You have to think of their privacy.

So when you're going through something and it occupies all your head space then it's hard to blog about what's happening in your life. It's a bit like that saying...my man has used it occasionally...something about an elephant on the table and no one wants to discuss it. That's what it feels like for me. And you can't even write about the specific lessons the LORD is teaching you at the time.

So sometimes when I'm not blogging it means life has slapped me in the face and I'm working on it or recovering from it. But of course other times it's just because i'm too busy living life and too tired to write :)

home life

view from my pc...

• large windows that cover the back wall of our lounge,
• looking out on to our porch in the backyard,
• pine trees on the right side which extend way too high but give us lots of privacy,
• grassy yard enclosed by more trees.
• Next to me, on my right is a large bookcase with a collection of books, mags, little suitcases and boxes, pictures of loved ones,
• on my left I can see the kitchen,
• behind me is the rest of the lounge where hubby and brother sit watching some tv programme.

this is my new home. And I'm very blessed to have found a place which has a great balance of space and cosiness.

All that's left to do is add those finishing touches which personalise homes...photos, and pictures on walls, curtains, and rearranging chairs/couches now we have a better feel of the space. Plus I have a few extra bits of furniture to purchase from IKEA now I know what extra storage we might need.

And countdown is on for Gobbie...bought clothes for her, my only complaint is everything in the shops for girls is pink! I like pink but there are other colours just as wonderful...red, green, yellow, orange, blue....but no everything blue had a truck or some male oriented picture. So no more pink for me!

Doctors appointments are going well. I thank the LORD for taking care of Gobbie and me. Looking forward to a quiet and relaxing next 6 weeks building up to the big event!

transition

we are still unpacking our house! All funeral things are over as of yesterday so can put all my efforts into sorting and purging.

I have just over 8 weeks before baby is due unless she comes early :) She is still nameless and I can't keep calling her Gobbie.

It's weird to think there is going to be another little one in the house. I wonder how caleb will react. He slept for the first time in his own bed, separated from us, for the whole nite. So hopefully, by the time Gobbie comes home, he will have adjusted to his big boy bed.

Haven't spent much time with the LORD apart from talking to him through out my day. Looking forward to see quality time with him. My life feels like it's in a transitional phase...definitely because of the move, but also with a new baby, my mum over, no time to just sit back and enjoy life, lots of unfinished tasks to follow up on. But it's temporary.

Hope by the end of this week I will feel more settled.

another death

My uncle died on Tues. He has been sick for a couple of years - 75 years old, so it's a mixed blessing because now he's no longer in pain and he went to be with the LORD. I wasn't feeling sad about it until I saw him and my aunty. Having just been to Myles' mum's funeral it's all just too much sadness. Lost so many loved ones, 3 of them in April...bad month for my family. I think I'm over mourning.

It has been a busy time for us. I have been feeling sick and we're moving house. So been busy packing up old house, cleaning and unpacking at new house. My family is busy with funeral preparations so haven't had the usual cousins to help. But Monday we've hired a truck and 4 of my male cousins are coming over to help load and unload.

Funerals in my culture are no small feat. My uncle was a popular man in his community and church so it will be a big funeral with lots of people turning up at their house to pay their respect. There's always a lot of cooking and lots of people.

I would normally be over there a lot but with moving and being preggy and sick it's just not possible. Have had to prioritise so packing and cleaning is all i'm doing until the big move on Monday. We're not moving far from our current place so it makes it easy to troup back and forth.

My niece has been helping me pack and unpack. She's 9 and needs to know the exact schedule of her day...what we're doing every hour. So keeping her entertained has been funny while still letting her help me. She likes cleaning the outside of cupboards but not the inside. She loves using the cleaning spray and is always trying to create jobs that require spraying. She enjoys vacuuming but only what she can see is dirty :)

I can't wait to settle in to our new home and focus on baby. With the funeral, my Mum is now coming over earlier which is another mixed blessing....letting her help me while not letting her stress me over her perfectionist, only 'one way' to do everything attitude. caleb is going to love having her around. Will have to make sure she doesn't spoil him to the point of disobedient!

sleep is calling me.

God and me

what does it mean to be your daughter LORD?
is it perfection? Creation made perfect?
or is it acceptance? Of who we are and who others are.
that even angels are not perfect.
but they are loved, just as we are.

why did you make us so flawed LORD?
to right a wrong and give Satan a chance to repent?
Or to prove that love is the only way.
Satan chooses hate as his weapon because he knows you are love.

he tries to undermine you by attacking your greatest weapon - love.

He takes love from those who have it
Shines it in the light so we can see just how imperfect it is.
He steals it from us little by little so we don't even notice
And then we wonder why we are all strangers.

You say love never fails
love covers a multitude of sins
love activates faith
without it all the glory, all the miracles in the world are meaningless.

So what do you expect of me, your daughter?
Not just to live my life to the full, not just to achieve all that I can.
But to do all this with love.
To do less things than this with love.

Always when given a choice.
My choice must always be to love.
I am your daughter.
You made me this way.

What if I can't?
You will still love me.