what if your life was THIS for the rest of your life? Whatever 'THIS' is for you...your every day life, what you spend most of your time doing, what you do for a living, who you spend your time with...all of the above.
What does 'THIS' look like for me? It's hanging out with my son which means looking after him, entertaining him, feeding him, loving him, hugging him, kissing him, etc. Hanging out with my husband...riding in the car, shopping, laughing, eating in the same room, watchng tv, sleeping, etc. Hanging out sometimes with family, occassionally with a friend or two.
What if 'THIS' was it? Nothing more and nothing less. Would i feel like I had fulfilled my purpose in life? Or would I feel like something was missing, like I hadn't done enough?
I dream BIG dreams. It's the way the LORD made me. I imagine the floodgates of heaven opening and see the wonders the LORD would achieve. It makes me want to jump up and down and rush out and conquer evil. So what if I never did this but settled in suburbia, in a safe church, with a safe life thinking my marriage is wonderful while ignoring the cracks which show up when I stand still....
Most people would think I was a positive, encouraging, happy person....except my husband and my mum. Why is that? They see my negative side, experience my disappointment and anger.
I wrote once that if I could say i was a good wife and mother then that would be enough. But i don't know what that looks like. Does it look like a wife who accepts everything and does whatever is required of her , keeps house and puts herself second? Or is it a woman who wants to be everything she can be and encourages her loved ones to be all they can be? Problem is sometimes people don't want to be anything more than they are right now. So encouragement sounds like a nagging pushy wife or an overprotective and overpowering mother....and then you stand still and you can't be bothered being anything more than you are right now.
i don't have the power to fix everything, but for some reason I insist on trying.
i'm talking in circles.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Saturday, April 07, 2007
easter
what does this mean to me...
so much. it was a critical time in history, in the life of my Lord, in God's master plan, and in my little ordinary life.
it was Jesus who saved me as a 16 year old. How can someone who lived over 2,000 years ago, whose life i have only read about, and who I have only met in spirit, change me so dramatically? It took one final moment as a 16 year old at a Youth Group camp to set me free. Just like that I felt like a new creation, innocence restored, my sins removed from me and a new beginning.
That's Easter. A story I knew by heart became such a reality in my life that I believe without a doubt my sins crucified my Saviour. My life was on his mind as he put aside his power as God's son to suffer on my behalf. Not just my life but every single Christian since that first Easter.
I know that because, before he was arrested, he prayed for us all. He thought of us. He was about to suffer a horrific death and he remembered us. (John 17)
Just reminded of a line in a song 'who am I that the LORD should know my name...' I am one of many who through the centuries and generations remember this legacy that belongs to us...
so much. it was a critical time in history, in the life of my Lord, in God's master plan, and in my little ordinary life.
it was Jesus who saved me as a 16 year old. How can someone who lived over 2,000 years ago, whose life i have only read about, and who I have only met in spirit, change me so dramatically? It took one final moment as a 16 year old at a Youth Group camp to set me free. Just like that I felt like a new creation, innocence restored, my sins removed from me and a new beginning.
That's Easter. A story I knew by heart became such a reality in my life that I believe without a doubt my sins crucified my Saviour. My life was on his mind as he put aside his power as God's son to suffer on my behalf. Not just my life but every single Christian since that first Easter.
I know that because, before he was arrested, he prayed for us all. He thought of us. He was about to suffer a horrific death and he remembered us. (John 17)
Just reminded of a line in a song 'who am I that the LORD should know my name...' I am one of many who through the centuries and generations remember this legacy that belongs to us...
A legacy of the love of a son for his father
and the love of a father for all his children.
He sacrificed one to save many,
my one and only beloved Lord and Saviour.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
the honest truth
i have a huge thing about lies. I hate them. It's not because I've never told any - in fact i've told plenty in my life time...small white ones that disguise who I really am so I don't look bad, large whoppers to protect myself from physical harm, and of course the kind that result in me being able to do whatever I want without other people knowing.
During most of these times I knew the LORD and talked to him about them because I wasn't stupid enough to think he was asleep at the time I was misbehaving or that he would look the other way because he loved me. I knew enough about real love from my parents to know that with lies come consequences and that lies spiral into bigger deceptions.
So when I was at University, I started making a conscious effort to stop lying no matter how small or how much trouble I would get into or what people would think of me. It took me a few years. I started building honest and real relationships with my loved ones. I no longer wanted to be something I wasn't - perfect.
When I started work I use to 'pull sickies' and for some reason this didn't make me feel guilty. I nearly always did feel a little bit sick, but never really enough to stay home for a day, and sometimes I just wanted to be at a beach. But eventually I stopped telling these lies.
This seems a lot of effort for one of the supposedly 'SMALLER' sins - I mean it's not like a murdered anyone or hurt anyone. But it's one of Satan's biggest weapons. It's a label used for him 'Father of lies'. It deceives people and keeps them from the truth - keeps them from the LORD.
Have you heard that saying that a good lie is half truth? That's Satans handiwork.
I witnessed Satan's work first hand as a child. I heard lies and saw what damage it had on relationships. Saw the deception as people pretended to be good but behind closed doors they were not. As I grew older I saw how people gossiped which to me is the definition of a good lie - a half truth, something someone heard but it's never the full story, always taken out of context. I hate gossip.
Honesty is something I look for in people. It tells me that I can trust them because they are not afraid of the truth. No matter how sad or hurtful it may be, they know a hurtful truth is better than a kind lie. You can build honest real relationships instead of fake ones that crumble at the slightest crack in an image. It means your expectations are realistic and you accept that people are not perfect - that you are not perfect.
But if someone tells a lie, they are deceiving themselves about who they really are. And they can't risk the truth ever coming out because the lie becomes a lifetime of lies, have become stories set in concrete and make up the foundation of their homes, their relationships. It's like building a house on the sand.
I want to always speak the truth because the LORD is the truth. He didn't pretend about anything. When he was in the garden waiting to be arrested he spoke the truth to his Father. He was scared and wanted to be saved from the last steps of his life - painful, horrific final steps.
In my heart I think what really scared my Lord was being separated from his Father, his greatest love. He would be separated from love, he knew what it was to be truly loved. He would be separated from his Father and he would alone. When he was being physically, mentally, and spiritually abused he could not tell his Father to help him, he could not help himself. He had to suffer on, to experience humanity denying all his supernatural power to strike back. It showed who he really was - our Saviour.
During most of these times I knew the LORD and talked to him about them because I wasn't stupid enough to think he was asleep at the time I was misbehaving or that he would look the other way because he loved me. I knew enough about real love from my parents to know that with lies come consequences and that lies spiral into bigger deceptions.
So when I was at University, I started making a conscious effort to stop lying no matter how small or how much trouble I would get into or what people would think of me. It took me a few years. I started building honest and real relationships with my loved ones. I no longer wanted to be something I wasn't - perfect.
When I started work I use to 'pull sickies' and for some reason this didn't make me feel guilty. I nearly always did feel a little bit sick, but never really enough to stay home for a day, and sometimes I just wanted to be at a beach. But eventually I stopped telling these lies.
This seems a lot of effort for one of the supposedly 'SMALLER' sins - I mean it's not like a murdered anyone or hurt anyone. But it's one of Satan's biggest weapons. It's a label used for him 'Father of lies'. It deceives people and keeps them from the truth - keeps them from the LORD.
Have you heard that saying that a good lie is half truth? That's Satans handiwork.
I witnessed Satan's work first hand as a child. I heard lies and saw what damage it had on relationships. Saw the deception as people pretended to be good but behind closed doors they were not. As I grew older I saw how people gossiped which to me is the definition of a good lie - a half truth, something someone heard but it's never the full story, always taken out of context. I hate gossip.
Honesty is something I look for in people. It tells me that I can trust them because they are not afraid of the truth. No matter how sad or hurtful it may be, they know a hurtful truth is better than a kind lie. You can build honest real relationships instead of fake ones that crumble at the slightest crack in an image. It means your expectations are realistic and you accept that people are not perfect - that you are not perfect.
But if someone tells a lie, they are deceiving themselves about who they really are. And they can't risk the truth ever coming out because the lie becomes a lifetime of lies, have become stories set in concrete and make up the foundation of their homes, their relationships. It's like building a house on the sand.
I want to always speak the truth because the LORD is the truth. He didn't pretend about anything. When he was in the garden waiting to be arrested he spoke the truth to his Father. He was scared and wanted to be saved from the last steps of his life - painful, horrific final steps.
In my heart I think what really scared my Lord was being separated from his Father, his greatest love. He would be separated from love, he knew what it was to be truly loved. He would be separated from his Father and he would alone. When he was being physically, mentally, and spiritually abused he could not tell his Father to help him, he could not help himself. He had to suffer on, to experience humanity denying all his supernatural power to strike back. It showed who he really was - our Saviour.
Watoto
It’s been a while since I last updated this. I have spent the last few months having baby and adjusting to being a mum.
But Watoto is always in my thoughts. Even more so now that I have my own child. I want the best for him and somewhere in Uganda there are 8 orphans needing my best too.
I look at my son and think how vulnerable he is and how much he needs his parents to just meet his basic needs of comfort, food, and safety. I am blessed enough to not only be able to meet his basic needs but exceed them.
I realise why the LORD’s heart goes out to orphans and widows and why throughout the bible he asks his people to provide for them. It’s because they need protection and are forced to stand alone in this world. And his people are his hands in this world to reach out and meet their needs.
But Watoto is always in my thoughts. Even more so now that I have my own child. I want the best for him and somewhere in Uganda there are 8 orphans needing my best too.
I look at my son and think how vulnerable he is and how much he needs his parents to just meet his basic needs of comfort, food, and safety. I am blessed enough to not only be able to meet his basic needs but exceed them.
I realise why the LORD’s heart goes out to orphans and widows and why throughout the bible he asks his people to provide for them. It’s because they need protection and are forced to stand alone in this world. And his people are his hands in this world to reach out and meet their needs.
WATOTO - AS A FAMILY WE CAN BUILD A HOME FOR ORPHANS!
HOOORAY we have met our first milestone...we have raised a QUARTER of the target!!
It's been a slow go for a while, but we are getting there...and looking forward to raising a lot more by Christmas.
As my baby grows within me I realise more and more the responsibility of providing a future for our child. This is still my goal and hope for the 8 orphan children and adoptive mother...providing for their future.
We have built a quarter of the house!!
Love Tali
Some links:
- A cover letter about the programme click here
- The official website click here
Previous letters from Tali:
- Letter 1 click here
- Letter 2 click here
- Letter 3 click here
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