we've started ivf again....taking nightly injections to help with ovulation. Myles is hoping for twin girls...who will of course be spoilt rotten by him :-) I'm just hoping for a sibling for caleb so he will have someone to play with.
i have been watching programmes of multiple births and huge families...hopefully it's not the LORD'S way of preparing me for more children then i planned :-)
I have so many plans but it's the LORD who directs my steps. I still have it in my heart to do short term missions to Africa. But for now my life is about building our little family. I just don't want to be one of those people who say they want to help but it will have to wait till my children are a little older....then it becomes it will have to wait till my children finish college...and then they are too old to go anywhere :-(
Kind of like the guy who wanted to follow Jesus but he wanted to go home and bury his Father first...this is not a small thing, it's a responsibility that you would think the Lord would have made allowances for...but it showed the tremendous cost of following the Lord...everything and everyone has to come 2nd.
But let me clarify this...i don't think it meant put ministry or service before your family. Because the LORD expects us to take care of those he puts in our hands. The key is: IT HAS TO COME FROM HIM...not from your own desires or people pressure....but the call to serve and sacrifice has to come from him. Plus once someone is dead it's too late to save them, and if they were saved then they're dancing in heaven already. Whereas the living still need to meet their Saviour thru us.
I am happy for the LORD to direct me because I'm responsible for Caleb. I don't know what's around the corner but I know the One who does. Who am I to second guess him??
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
not so hard!
I wrote that post yesterday about it being so hard to do the things we need to do because of all the everyday routines of life. And then the LORD showed us how easy it was to change.
Myles came home early from work. We grabbed the volleyball, packed our son up and went to the local park. As it turns out lots of other people had the same idea...a father and son practicing sprints, a whole group of kids playing ball sports...and us.
It was such a great evening. We had a bash (hit the volleyball to each other), Caleb lay on a mat drinking his milk. Then we came home, cooked dinner, listened to music, and basically hung out as a family. It was awesome
Thank you LORD, for proving to me that nothing is too hard!
Myles came home early from work. We grabbed the volleyball, packed our son up and went to the local park. As it turns out lots of other people had the same idea...a father and son practicing sprints, a whole group of kids playing ball sports...and us.
It was such a great evening. We had a bash (hit the volleyball to each other), Caleb lay on a mat drinking his milk. Then we came home, cooked dinner, listened to music, and basically hung out as a family. It was awesome
Thank you LORD, for proving to me that nothing is too hard!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
why is it so hard?
Myles and I have more time on our hands then most yet we feel like we have no time to do the things we need to do...no energy to do these things.
It's like the mechanics of living this life we have created of work...keeping house, cooking dinner, looking after caleb, shopping for groceries...prevents us from doing the very thing we need to do to keep this life going...working on our health, saving money for our future...for caleb's future.
If we lose our health - there is no future, we will live very short lives and Caleb will be alone.
If we don't save and our health gives way...Caleb will not be looked after as well as he is now.
We just don't get it!!! We know this is true yet we just keep living our lives the way it is as if we are going to live long enough to see Caleb grow up, marry, have children of his own. But we're not!
How plainer can I make it to my flesh: NO HEALTH, NO EXERCISE, NO LIFE! NO MORE WORK, NO MORE KEEPING HOUSE AND NO MORE CALEB.
I feel like screaming it's so frustrating that we can be so STUPID!!!
It's like the mechanics of living this life we have created of work...keeping house, cooking dinner, looking after caleb, shopping for groceries...prevents us from doing the very thing we need to do to keep this life going...working on our health, saving money for our future...for caleb's future.
If we lose our health - there is no future, we will live very short lives and Caleb will be alone.
If we don't save and our health gives way...Caleb will not be looked after as well as he is now.
We just don't get it!!! We know this is true yet we just keep living our lives the way it is as if we are going to live long enough to see Caleb grow up, marry, have children of his own. But we're not!
How plainer can I make it to my flesh: NO HEALTH, NO EXERCISE, NO LIFE! NO MORE WORK, NO MORE KEEPING HOUSE AND NO MORE CALEB.
I feel like screaming it's so frustrating that we can be so STUPID!!!
birthday
Turned 39 yesterday...that's seriously old! I don't think I look 39 and I most definitely don't feel that old :-) I probably feel 32 and look.....35.
Actually was at church women's retreat talking about how long we'd been married, etc. And when i said 12 years one of the girls said...did you get married in your teens! I think she thought I was around her age....so I guess I don't act my age either :-)
Actually was at church women's retreat talking about how long we'd been married, etc. And when i said 12 years one of the girls said...did you get married in your teens! I think she thought I was around her age....so I guess I don't act my age either :-)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
blessed with a burden
great line on a dvd I watched at the women's retreat which reminded me of the LORD's upside down thinking. It was a Father speaking to his daughter and he said she was blessed with a burden.
I think this could be said of all christians - something the LORD wants us to accept...that because we are his children, followers of christ we are blessed with a burden.
It seems a contradiction in this world's terms because how can BLESSING and BURDEN be used together. Yet I think we spend our lives learning this. Life is not about us. We are expected to carry our cross. But at the same time we so very blessed. We have eternal life. The LORD loves us and sacrificed his son for us. His love is unfailing.
Things happen to us, like Jesus said, in this world we will have trouble but don't be afraid because he has overcome the world. So whatever trouble we have...he provides a way for us to cope and he uses it for our good, so we can learn and grow and trust him more.
So our real burden is this: we have to not let our own personal burdens overwhelm us, no matter how much they are, so that we can continue the Lord's mission to save the lost.
It's a burden because my life is not about me...yet everyday I struggle with 'me' issues, 'me' problems, and 'me' messy relationships...And somehow these are not allowed to overwhelm me because the LORD needs me to focus on being a blessing to others.
As I become more mature...I need to be secure in who i am and trust that the LORD will take care of me as I take care of others....believe Matthew 6:33 is true that as I seek Him and His righteousness, he will take care of the rest...the 'what about me' things.
I think this could be said of all christians - something the LORD wants us to accept...that because we are his children, followers of christ we are blessed with a burden.
It seems a contradiction in this world's terms because how can BLESSING and BURDEN be used together. Yet I think we spend our lives learning this. Life is not about us. We are expected to carry our cross. But at the same time we so very blessed. We have eternal life. The LORD loves us and sacrificed his son for us. His love is unfailing.
Things happen to us, like Jesus said, in this world we will have trouble but don't be afraid because he has overcome the world. So whatever trouble we have...he provides a way for us to cope and he uses it for our good, so we can learn and grow and trust him more.
So our real burden is this: we have to not let our own personal burdens overwhelm us, no matter how much they are, so that we can continue the Lord's mission to save the lost.
It's a burden because my life is not about me...yet everyday I struggle with 'me' issues, 'me' problems, and 'me' messy relationships...And somehow these are not allowed to overwhelm me because the LORD needs me to focus on being a blessing to others.
As I become more mature...I need to be secure in who i am and trust that the LORD will take care of me as I take care of others....believe Matthew 6:33 is true that as I seek Him and His righteousness, he will take care of the rest...the 'what about me' things.
Monday, September 03, 2007
my first fathers day - what does it mean?
it's me!
Indeed I had my first father's day yesterday. It was not really about a celebration and presents for me. Maybe when my son is old enough to hand make me cute presents I will look forward to presents!
I read recently a book from 1922 about 'courage'. It was the written account of a speech by a Rector from a university in the UK to his graduating students. And I picked it up in a second hand bookshop in Byron Bay, Australia - nearly 100 years later. It's funny how God works.
Anyway - one of the premises of 'courage' that he spoke about was having the courage to go against the 'wise counsel' of your "betters". One's 'betters' will always try to dictate how things should be done...to control the world to their own advantage.
Reflecting about this on father's day had me thinking that I need to totally think in new ways about how to be a father. I dont want to revisit the same way to be a father that my own father had (and in hindsight I think he would like ot do it differently too). I need to have the courage to be a father in my own style.
And at church it was reminded to me that even if I dont have an earthly father to guide my ways - I have the perfect example of a father in God.
And that leads to Jesus' upside down thinking.
Despite all this reflection I had a great fathers day. Time with my son, my wife, and my Lord. Very little distractions from the world. Amen to these blessings my Lord.
Indeed I had my first father's day yesterday. It was not really about a celebration and presents for me. Maybe when my son is old enough to hand make me cute presents I will look forward to presents!
I read recently a book from 1922 about 'courage'. It was the written account of a speech by a Rector from a university in the UK to his graduating students. And I picked it up in a second hand bookshop in Byron Bay, Australia - nearly 100 years later. It's funny how God works.
Anyway - one of the premises of 'courage' that he spoke about was having the courage to go against the 'wise counsel' of your "betters". One's 'betters' will always try to dictate how things should be done...to control the world to their own advantage.
Reflecting about this on father's day had me thinking that I need to totally think in new ways about how to be a father. I dont want to revisit the same way to be a father that my own father had (and in hindsight I think he would like ot do it differently too). I need to have the courage to be a father in my own style.
And at church it was reminded to me that even if I dont have an earthly father to guide my ways - I have the perfect example of a father in God.
And that leads to Jesus' upside down thinking.
Despite all this reflection I had a great fathers day. Time with my son, my wife, and my Lord. Very little distractions from the world. Amen to these blessings my Lord.
one of those days
today was Father's Day. Myles' first one. But it was a bit of a non-event as Myles isn't really into celebrating Father's day. So for me today was about my Father. At church, same as last year, they had slides which showed individual pictures of everyone's Fathers. A lot of them were no longer with us.
Of course, as the slides started, I was already in tears. Seeing my Dad's picture, I could barely look at it, because I was trying not to cry...still I did. Then straight afterwards we had a meet and greet session...which was the last thing I wanted to do, with so many tears, so I quickly made an exit.
The tribute is lovely and one day I hope to watch that slide without tears...but I doubt it. Will time take away how much i miss my Dad? It has definitely lessened the time i spend thinking about him. But on a day when its all about Dads and his picture is on a big screen...i don't think so.
He has been on my mind this week which makes it worse.
I understand my Dad is having the most awesome time in heaven with my little one, but I just miss him. I miss hearing his chuckle...i use that word because that's exactly what my Dad did the most...the female version would be 'giggle'. His quirky greetings for us his kids - I was his little monkey...he would greet me with 'Tali monkey' and start chuckling :-) I guess that's a father daughter moment.
I miss him I miss him I miss him.
LORD
I understand, and i have said this many a time, I know you have a purpose for taking my Dad when you did. He may have told you he had enough of the pain, losing control of his own body, his privacy invaded. Something my Dad was very traditional about. It upset me, and I know he would have been upset and would rather be with you. So yes I understand all that.
But I still wish he was here. I wish he was healed completely and returned to us. But instead that cancer consumed him.
I guess that's the problem with believing in a God of the impossible. You expect miracles and you put your hope in nothing but the best. I know I did. And it's what I was meant to do.
But he's now with you and I still miss him. LORD, give him my love. He would want me to live my life and do my best. Today, was a miserable day. I would have happily slept it away. And now it's over.
One day will I miss him less LORD? Or do I have to accept that I will always be sad. At the moment that's what I'm doing. Until it passes and life without him is bearable again.
I love you LORD. My life is in your hands. I know you know what's best for me and my family. But I also know that you know me. And today all I can do is hide in you right now. The best place to be.
in Jesus name, amene.
Of course, as the slides started, I was already in tears. Seeing my Dad's picture, I could barely look at it, because I was trying not to cry...still I did. Then straight afterwards we had a meet and greet session...which was the last thing I wanted to do, with so many tears, so I quickly made an exit.
The tribute is lovely and one day I hope to watch that slide without tears...but I doubt it. Will time take away how much i miss my Dad? It has definitely lessened the time i spend thinking about him. But on a day when its all about Dads and his picture is on a big screen...i don't think so.
He has been on my mind this week which makes it worse.
I understand my Dad is having the most awesome time in heaven with my little one, but I just miss him. I miss hearing his chuckle...i use that word because that's exactly what my Dad did the most...the female version would be 'giggle'. His quirky greetings for us his kids - I was his little monkey...he would greet me with 'Tali monkey' and start chuckling :-) I guess that's a father daughter moment.
I miss him I miss him I miss him.
LORD
I understand, and i have said this many a time, I know you have a purpose for taking my Dad when you did. He may have told you he had enough of the pain, losing control of his own body, his privacy invaded. Something my Dad was very traditional about. It upset me, and I know he would have been upset and would rather be with you. So yes I understand all that.
But I still wish he was here. I wish he was healed completely and returned to us. But instead that cancer consumed him.
I guess that's the problem with believing in a God of the impossible. You expect miracles and you put your hope in nothing but the best. I know I did. And it's what I was meant to do.
But he's now with you and I still miss him. LORD, give him my love. He would want me to live my life and do my best. Today, was a miserable day. I would have happily slept it away. And now it's over.
One day will I miss him less LORD? Or do I have to accept that I will always be sad. At the moment that's what I'm doing. Until it passes and life without him is bearable again.
I love you LORD. My life is in your hands. I know you know what's best for me and my family. But I also know that you know me. And today all I can do is hide in you right now. The best place to be.
in Jesus name, amene.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
he's part of my everyday life
i have definitely written about this many times. In fact I should just link to one of those.
...not only does he answer prayers, but he listens to my thoughts and questions and he answers these too. He uses every day means eg: my reading for that day, a devotion, a Joyce episode, a book i'm reading
http://acceptbalancesimplify.blogspot.com/2007/08/passing-thoughts.html
...not only does he answer prayers, but he listens to my thoughts and questions and he answers these too. He uses every day means eg: my reading for that day, a devotion, a Joyce episode, a book i'm reading
http://acceptbalancesimplify.blogspot.com/2007/08/passing-thoughts.html
he knows what I love...
...and uses these with perfect timing to bring a smile to my face and let me know that he's with me and he loves me. eg: when my Dad was dying with cancer, he showed me my 1st shooting star.
I love thunderstorms, seeing lightning in the night's sky, is like seeing the LORD's power. A few months ago, I lost the plot and started to panic about all the many things on my plate. I rang up a couple of my girls, we went to the beach at night, which always calms me. As I was starring at the sea, lightning lit up part of the sky with brilliant forks of colour. It was near us but not over us. Just what I needed.
When the LORD does this I feel like he's saying I know how you feel daughter and I'm right here with you. Even in the midst of darkness I am your light. And yes it always makes me smile and warms my heart.
I love thunderstorms, seeing lightning in the night's sky, is like seeing the LORD's power. A few months ago, I lost the plot and started to panic about all the many things on my plate. I rang up a couple of my girls, we went to the beach at night, which always calms me. As I was starring at the sea, lightning lit up part of the sky with brilliant forks of colour. It was near us but not over us. Just what I needed.
When the LORD does this I feel like he's saying I know how you feel daughter and I'm right here with you. Even in the midst of darkness I am your light. And yes it always makes me smile and warms my heart.
upside down thinking
I think I've written about this one a few times...
...the meek shall inherit the earth, love your enemy, overcome evil with good, when we are weak we are strong, when we ask for more patience he surrounds us with more people to be impatient with!
...the meek shall inherit the earth, love your enemy, overcome evil with good, when we are weak we are strong, when we ask for more patience he surrounds us with more people to be impatient with!
he knows everything yet he still lets every moment unfold
He knew Jesus would survive as a baby to only suffer as an adult and die a horrific death. But he let every moment of his 30 something years unfold so he would become everything he was meant to be - the Saviour of the world.
Paul, who persecuted christians, would one day be his greatest messenger to the Gentiles. Peter who denied the Lord 3 times but became the leader of his church. Who walked on water only to stumble and have to take his hand. He knew all this would happen, but he lets everyone learn from their life experiences, build character and test their faith.
Its like reading a book even though you know the ending...there's turmoil and suffering and you want to skip over it and get to the good bits or the happy ending.
He knows Satan laughs and mocks him...but he will have the last laugh.
Paul, who persecuted christians, would one day be his greatest messenger to the Gentiles. Peter who denied the Lord 3 times but became the leader of his church. Who walked on water only to stumble and have to take his hand. He knew all this would happen, but he lets everyone learn from their life experiences, build character and test their faith.
Its like reading a book even though you know the ending...there's turmoil and suffering and you want to skip over it and get to the good bits or the happy ending.
He knows Satan laughs and mocks him...but he will have the last laugh.
he lets me be me
when I'm stupid, make mistakes, or don't know when to let go and move on, he make allowances for it and covers me with his mercy and grace.
I never feel condemned by the LORD for making mistakes. Instead he reminds me that though I may stumble I will not fall, for he is more than able to help me stand. I surrender it to him. When I am weak I am strong because I lean on him and he is my strength.
I can remember being super upset with my Mum and he let me rant and rave about how demanding and bossy she was, etc, etc. And then he quietly whispered one thought to me...she needs to be loved more than me...and it stopped me in my tracks. I balled my eyes out as I realised my Mum was on her own - she had lost the love of her life, her best friend. I had just lost my Dad - my best friend was fast asleep in our bed :-)
He let me have my moment and then he calmed me down with just one statement.
I never feel condemned by the LORD for making mistakes. Instead he reminds me that though I may stumble I will not fall, for he is more than able to help me stand. I surrender it to him. When I am weak I am strong because I lean on him and he is my strength.
I can remember being super upset with my Mum and he let me rant and rave about how demanding and bossy she was, etc, etc. And then he quietly whispered one thought to me...she needs to be loved more than me...and it stopped me in my tracks. I balled my eyes out as I realised my Mum was on her own - she had lost the love of her life, her best friend. I had just lost my Dad - my best friend was fast asleep in our bed :-)
He let me have my moment and then he calmed me down with just one statement.
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