my brother died 38 years old, heart attack in his sleep, 16 may 2009.
This is my last entry. I have learnt so much about myself from this. But mostly I miss him. He was a big part of my life. We both moved to sydney way back when and we have lived together most of this time. I think I have only ever spent 5 years apart. As my husband said, he was his flatmate.
He had the biggest heart and time for those no one else did. He just found the love of his life about 6 mths ago. He was starting the next stage of his life. Getting more healthier.
I am heart broken. And my world is very grey. Even tho i know he is with the LORD. He died too young. What I would give for another minute with him.
I would tell him how much i loved him, even tho he knew.
I would tell him how proud i was to be his sister.
I would tell him I wish the LORD had shouted at me that he was short on time so he could have had a less stressful last month. So we could have found a way out.
I would tell him how much I'm going to miss him, my children will miss him, how having him in our home made me feel more safe.
I would tell him that my life will always feel incomplete without him.
That i was looking forward to him getting married and having a family.
That i was glad he had found his soulmate no matter how brief the time.
That I was sorry for anything I have ever done to hurt him.
And then i could have wished him a safe journey home to his Maker.
Where he would struggle no more, feel no pain, see our Dad and my child, Ange's children, and fulfil his eternal purpose. Rest in peace is not something i would wish for him, not the resting part anyway, peace most definitely. He wanted to be one of the LORD's soldiers so I hope he's busy organising some offensive against the enemy. Or gathering people together to tell one of his stories.
Enjoy being a part of the bigger picture, have the best time doing whatever the LORD has assigned you, and look after our house until we meet again
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
what is it about my Saviour
i love the LORD because he 1st loved me.
Isaiah 61 is true of me. He gave me beauty for ashes.
a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness.
Songs of praise healed my spirit.
I was broken but he put the pieces back together and made me new again.
Restored my innocence, removed my sins as far as the east is from the west.
I was heading for destruction but no one knew
Only the LORD saw me in the dark, my tears he wiped away.
He is my Saviour. A simple truth about the Son of God.
I love the LORD because he could have ruled the world but he chose to serve.
He chose to spend 30 something years in obscurity as a carpenter's son.
He did not seek fame or try to stand out of the crowd.
He chose obedience over power.
He chose to submit, to love unconditionally.
I love the LORD because he was so different from this world. He had a way of turning everything upside down with a simple act. He spoke to a Samaritan woman when he shouldn't have. He wept when he saw his friends suffering even tho he knew he would fill them with joy within moments. He paid attention to the unlovables of his world. And made fishermen famous. Obedience, submission, servanthood, and unconditional love. He didn't conform even to his world's image of him. He simply went about his business and completed his purpose.
Even as he was about to go through undescribable suffering, he spent his last moments of freedom praying for us. His disciples and all other believers. He prayed for me and you. His love the world had never seen before. He wasn't just an innocent man dying unjustly. He was the Son of God choosing to die for us. For me.
Isaiah 61 is true of me. He gave me beauty for ashes.
a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness.
Songs of praise healed my spirit.
I was broken but he put the pieces back together and made me new again.
Restored my innocence, removed my sins as far as the east is from the west.
I was heading for destruction but no one knew
Only the LORD saw me in the dark, my tears he wiped away.
He is my Saviour. A simple truth about the Son of God.
I love the LORD because he could have ruled the world but he chose to serve.
He chose to spend 30 something years in obscurity as a carpenter's son.
He did not seek fame or try to stand out of the crowd.
He chose obedience over power.
He chose to submit, to love unconditionally.
I love the LORD because he was so different from this world. He had a way of turning everything upside down with a simple act. He spoke to a Samaritan woman when he shouldn't have. He wept when he saw his friends suffering even tho he knew he would fill them with joy within moments. He paid attention to the unlovables of his world. And made fishermen famous. Obedience, submission, servanthood, and unconditional love. He didn't conform even to his world's image of him. He simply went about his business and completed his purpose.
Even as he was about to go through undescribable suffering, he spent his last moments of freedom praying for us. His disciples and all other believers. He prayed for me and you. His love the world had never seen before. He wasn't just an innocent man dying unjustly. He was the Son of God choosing to die for us. For me.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
some crazy thoughts
i sometimes think the only things that make sense in my life are my children.
freedom...galatians 5:1...how free am I? how burdened am i by a yoke of slavery (or the message version...never let anyone put a harness of slavery on me)....i don't feel free....need more simplifying and balance. The LORD died to set me free...am i honouring him by making the most of this freedom or did he die for me in vain??
if the LORD was living my life what would he get rid of? What would he prioritise? Do i need to be more like him or more like who the LORD made me to be? Becos I'm not like my Saviour. But there are certain characteristics about him that I adore and would love to call them my own too.
freedom...galatians 5:1...how free am I? how burdened am i by a yoke of slavery (or the message version...never let anyone put a harness of slavery on me)....i don't feel free....need more simplifying and balance. The LORD died to set me free...am i honouring him by making the most of this freedom or did he die for me in vain??
if the LORD was living my life what would he get rid of? What would he prioritise? Do i need to be more like him or more like who the LORD made me to be? Becos I'm not like my Saviour. But there are certain characteristics about him that I adore and would love to call them my own too.
Monday, March 30, 2009
mother's diary
Reading thru the discipline book recommended by Faith. It's seriously encouraged me because I didn't have much luck putting into practice current baby techniques of letting them cry or old techniques of discipine. So a lot of the practices recommended in the book we have done just thru building relationships with our two little ones and adapting to their needs and what's right for us.
I think some people look at me and think I'm overly sensitive to my children but they're just as important to me as any adult so I do listen to them and answer them when they call me. And i'm flexible with their routines.
Caleb is super shy with people he doesn't know well and in a family of loud laughing social butterflies it's a bit hard for some to understand. But myles and i were both shy when we were little so he has a double dose of it! We don't try to force him to say hello, etc we just try to encourage him and interact with him.
I'm going to keep a diary of my little ones. How they're developing as little people...how our relationship grows...the many changes.
Today's note:
my son says 'no' a lot. I'm told at this age 'no' is normal. But he also has a habit of turning any suggestions into the negative....if he's said 'no' to something then even things he normally likes doing will get the negative response...eg: if I say do you want to go outside he will say, 'no don't want to go outside'. do you want a hug 'no, don't want a hug'....etc.
He is very strong willed. And refuses to do anything someone else tells him, if he gets in his 'negative' mood. What does this mean for him? I find myself asking the LORD why does he need to stand up for himself so? why does he need to be so strong willed? I wonder what he will have to face in the future, that he might need this in his personality?
I have learnt not to tell him to stop doing something instead I give him something different to do. Eg: instead of saying move back from the tv, which he immediately says 'no' to, I pull his couch out and say 'caleb come and sit on your couch' or if i'm sitting on the big couch I will say 'come sit with mummy' and he does. Without any problems.
I think some people look at me and think I'm overly sensitive to my children but they're just as important to me as any adult so I do listen to them and answer them when they call me. And i'm flexible with their routines.
Caleb is super shy with people he doesn't know well and in a family of loud laughing social butterflies it's a bit hard for some to understand. But myles and i were both shy when we were little so he has a double dose of it! We don't try to force him to say hello, etc we just try to encourage him and interact with him.
I'm going to keep a diary of my little ones. How they're developing as little people...how our relationship grows...the many changes.
Today's note:
my son says 'no' a lot. I'm told at this age 'no' is normal. But he also has a habit of turning any suggestions into the negative....if he's said 'no' to something then even things he normally likes doing will get the negative response...eg: if I say do you want to go outside he will say, 'no don't want to go outside'. do you want a hug 'no, don't want a hug'....etc.
He is very strong willed. And refuses to do anything someone else tells him, if he gets in his 'negative' mood. What does this mean for him? I find myself asking the LORD why does he need to stand up for himself so? why does he need to be so strong willed? I wonder what he will have to face in the future, that he might need this in his personality?
I have learnt not to tell him to stop doing something instead I give him something different to do. Eg: instead of saying move back from the tv, which he immediately says 'no' to, I pull his couch out and say 'caleb come and sit on your couch' or if i'm sitting on the big couch I will say 'come sit with mummy' and he does. Without any problems.
Monday, March 23, 2009
caleb
just had a ditzy moment. If you read this faith sorry, for making a mess of your comments! forgot that you have to approve comments on your blog 1st.
I had a hard moment today. With caleb and discipline again. He had the worse trantrum. And screamed at me when i took something off him that he was ripping up. In the end he said sorry and we hugged etc. But scared me into doing something about it.
So just ordered the book Faith recommended , actually there were a few. But thought I would start with the discipline one and see from there. Might get a whole library of them :)
I had a hard moment today. With caleb and discipline again. He had the worse trantrum. And screamed at me when i took something off him that he was ripping up. In the end he said sorry and we hugged etc. But scared me into doing something about it.
So just ordered the book Faith recommended , actually there were a few. But thought I would start with the discipline one and see from there. Might get a whole library of them :)
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