we fly out tomorrow - to see myles' mum in new zealand. I am praying for lots of discernment because Myles' family is different from mine. So I want to be mindful of her independence but at the same time I want her to know it's ok to be emotional about all of this. That she doesn't have to put on a brave face for us.

I am hoping Caleb brings her lots of joy and laughter. That seeing her grandson will help her to choose life...to make the most of whatever time the LORD has given her. I am praying that it will be years and not just months.

Of course, I'm worrying about Myles too. He's so use to being strong and in control that I don't want to be a burden on him in any way. I don't want him to have to look after me and everyone else. It's a time he can be selfish and take care of whoever and whatever he thinks best. I'm praying the LORD will shower him with love and guidance as he steps into unknown territory for him and his family.

I guess this is like stepping into the dark for the first time holding the LORD's hand. He has no idea what's out there or what to expect. I pray he holds on tightly to the LORD and doesn't feel like he has to cope on his own.

I'm also wondering how caleb will cope with staying somewhere that's not his home, how will he sleep, will he be himself or too scared to relax...lots of unknowns.

ok, overwhelmed now...need to pray.

LORD
I'm so leaning on you right now. Your word is flooding me....we can do all things through you who strengthen us, if we draw near to you then you will draw near to us...cast all our cares on to you for you care for us...We need you LORD. We are not strong and we can't do this without you. Thoughts of losing my Dad are flooding me, and now I face another parent who is going through the same circumstances.

I know that you are with us. That greater are you who live in us then he who lives in this world. That you are our refuge. That no one can snatch us from your hands.

Fill us with your discernment LORD. The way you saw into the heart of whoever you talked to, so you knew what they needed. Help us to do this with myles' family. Fill us with your Spirit LORD, so our words are your words, so we can comfort those that need comfort and laugh with those who need laughter.

Help us to be their refuge in this storm. Help us to be a blessing to them.

And please help Myles and I to communicate with each other. Help me to help him LORD. To be his right hand in this time of need, to be Jesus to him - no pressure just lots of love.

Thank you LORD. You already know my heart's desire LORD. And I magnify your name which is above all names, Lord Jesus. You said we overcome by our testimony and your blood sarificed on that cross for us. My testimony is this - you are the Son of God, my Lord and Saviour and that all things are possible with you, that you are the same today as yesterday. That you heal the sick, bind up the broken-hearted, and set captives free. That you intercede on our behalf and turn our prayers into something beautiful. Thank you Lord. I ask all this in your mighty name. amene.

magnify the LORD

When I think of the worse things that have happened to me...and there are a few that have devastated me in different ways...worse fear, affected me for life, broken my heart, lost loved ones, emotional and physical pain, screwed with my mind...yet what do all these mean compared to the best thing that has ever happened to me....SAVED AND FORGIVEN, CREATED NEW.

If I was to weigh them on a scale would all the pain and hurt outweigh the joy of my salvation???

Even if I feel pain for the rest of my life here it will never outweigh being SAVED FOR ALL ETERNITY. I realised this today.

I am reminded of some of the words of amazing grace and Isaiah...I was lost but now I'm found, blind but now I see, given beauty for ashes, a captive set free, a prisoner released from darkness, a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness. These all describe me, describe what it means to be saved.

I will magnify the LORD who is worthy to be praised. I am saved. I am saved. I am forgiven. I am forgiven.

My husband is saved. This is no small miracle. My husband was an atheist. He knew God existed for me, but not for him. Even if Jesus walked on water in front of him he would still disbelieve. It just didn't make sense to him. And now he believes. The impossible made possible.

He is saved. He is forgiven. Created new. He was blind but now he sees. Amazing grace.

The LORD loves us. The Maker of Heaven and Earth knows our names. He moved heaven and earth to save us. What is impossible for man is more than possible for our LORD.

I can't say: I am saved BUT it cost me everything. If I truly understand what it took to save me, transform me, then the cost is nothing in comparison. I am saved AND YES it cost me everything. It was worth it and more.

I can't live without the LORD. My sins are too overwhelming and my pride too great. My days of independence are long gone. Obedience is my choice. Why? Because I cost the LORD his life. It took everything to wipe away my sins.

It's easy to take it for granted because the LORD made it seem so easy to change me. But I didn't overcome my weaknesses, my sins. The LORD did. He removed them as far as the east is from the west. Why? Because he knew I couldn't do it. I would have drowned. This doesn't make me strong. The LORD is my strength. I can never take this for granted.

He restored my innocence and gave me a choice I thought I had already made...to choose life. Joshua's words I make my own:
But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, (whether the idols in your life, the lust of this world, whatever you devote your time and energy to above the LORD) But as for me and my family, we will serve the LORD.

listening

I thank the LORD that even in the midst of sorrow there is joy. I can still praise him because I know he will work this out for all our good. He knows our hearts desires and I trust him to do what's best for all of us. No weapon formed against us shall prosper.

Myles has 3 siblings - a twin brother, an older brother and sister. They don't believe in the LORD. I wonder how the LORD will use this difficult time in their lives to bring them closer to him?

At the moment, as I wait on the LORD, I am listening for him to reveal his heart, his will, for Myles' Mum, his siblings, us as a family. He said we could test and approve his will if we don't conform to the patterns of this world but instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Rom 12:2).

We are going to New Zealand next week to spend some time with his Mum. My aim is to bring her some joy and laughter in the midst of this. For her to enjoy Caleb and have her loved ones around her.

I wonder what is the greatest miracle to heal the sick or save a soul? There are a few souls in Myles' family that need saving. I pray that the LORD will send us as his hands, and fill us with his words and his heart for his lost sheep.

only have the LORD

Found out tonight that Myles' Mum has an aggressive cancer. She has 1-6 mths to live. The biopsy results are not in yet, but it is unoperable and there is nothing they can do apart from ease the pain or at most palliative chemo.

So the doctors can do nothing and we only have the LORD to help her.

It's a funny thing to say that we ONLY have the LORD. It's like saying we ONLY have the Creator of life, we ONLY have the Saviour of the world who raises the dead, walks on water. We ONLY have the Maker of heaven and earth. We ONLY have the Healer of broken hearts who gives beauty for ashes and sets prisoners free. We ONLY have the God of the impossible, my LORD and Saviour.

It's times like this I'm so grateful I only have the LORD. Who better to have on our side, when the world says it's hopeless. Only God can heal my Mother-in-Law and perform a miracle.

I'm still waiting on the LORD. He can rescue my Mother-in-Law. He gave me my miracle son and I'm pregnant again. He healed my broken heart a long time ago and set me free. He transformed my husband into a new creation and within one night removed a lifetime of disbelief.

Yes, I am thankful that we only have the LORD. For there is none like him.

dad

I woke up this morning remembering my Dad's smiling face. He had one of those sunshine smiles that he always greeted his loved ones with. You always knew he was happy to see you. I miss that smile.

And he had this chuckle when he laughed and when you tickled him he screamed like a girl :)

My Dad, glad he's with the LORD, but if I had a choice I would wish him here with us!