times they are a changin

i am thinking of giving my blog a new name.  so much has changed since we 1st started this blog and now it's like my own baby.  Change seems to be where i am at.  So might change everything.  last post as not about us.  time to update.

out of the dark...

i think it's time to start blogging again.  Only because I have so much i want to write and looking back on this blog has shown me where the LORD has shown up in my life in the last few years.  My memory is so bad these days that this is a good thing :)

My brother dying has rocked my world and my faith.  It has shown me that I have a lot of changing to do.  His death was a slap in the face for me, a wake up call.  There is no time like the present to change because life is short.  I took it for granted that Rob would be around forever and now he's gone.

As a christian I am a foreigner in this world.  I'm a traveller, an explorer, at heart, so this fits in with my personal view of the world.  Some girls dream of a career, of finding the love of their lives, of being married, etc.  But for me a job was my means to being able to travel.  I just wanted to see as much of this world as possible before my time was up.  I am just blessed to have found the love of my life as well.

Life is a holiday.  To be enjoyed, to be challenged, to take risks, to laugh, to love, etc.  Eternity is our reality, when we get to go home. I need to make the most of this life.  And I know I'm not.  I'm cruising but not like the kind with ocean views.  More like stuck in the depth of the ship with no windows.  Every day matters to the LORD. And it should matter to me.  I have more than enough but i'm not making the most of this life the LORD has blessed me with.  I have got to stop accepting what this world dishes me like it's all i have to choose from.  It's so not true.  Why do i have so much???  Not to swindle it away and hand this over to my children.

LIFE IS PRECIOUS.  DID JESUS WASTE HIS 30 SOMETHING YEARS BEING A CARPENTER'S SON OR DID HE PREPARE FOR HIS MINISTRY, FOR HIS DEATH?

I thought i was eternity focused before...losing my brother has made me more so. 

accept, balance, simplify...3 words from the LORD for me.  I get the feeling I'm going to take these words to my grave, to eternity because my life doesn't end at the grave.  Thanks to Jesus.

rob

my brother died 38 years old, heart attack in his sleep, 16 may 2009.

This is my last entry. I have learnt so much about myself from this. But mostly I miss him. He was a big part of my life. We both moved to sydney way back when and we have lived together most of this time. I think I have only ever spent 5 years apart. As my husband said, he was his flatmate.

He had the biggest heart and time for those no one else did. He just found the love of his life about 6 mths ago. He was starting the next stage of his life. Getting more healthier.

I am heart broken. And my world is very grey. Even tho i know he is with the LORD. He died too young. What I would give for another minute with him.

I would tell him how much i loved him, even tho he knew.
I would tell him how proud i was to be his sister.
I would tell him I wish the LORD had shouted at me that he was short on time so he could have had a less stressful last month. So we could have found a way out.
I would tell him how much I'm going to miss him, my children will miss him, how having him in our home made me feel more safe.
I would tell him that my life will always feel incomplete without him.
That i was looking forward to him getting married and having a family.
That i was glad he had found his soulmate no matter how brief the time.
That I was sorry for anything I have ever done to hurt him.
And then i could have wished him a safe journey home to his Maker.

Where he would struggle no more, feel no pain, see our Dad and my child, Ange's children, and fulfil his eternal purpose. Rest in peace is not something i would wish for him, not the resting part anyway, peace most definitely. He wanted to be one of the LORD's soldiers so I hope he's busy organising some offensive against the enemy. Or gathering people together to tell one of his stories.

Enjoy being a part of the bigger picture, have the best time doing whatever the LORD has assigned you, and look after our house until we meet again

what is it about my Saviour

i love the LORD because he 1st loved me.
Isaiah 61 is true of me. He gave me beauty for ashes.
a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness.
Songs of praise healed my spirit.
I was broken but he put the pieces back together and made me new again.
Restored my innocence, removed my sins as far as the east is from the west.
I was heading for destruction but no one knew
Only the LORD saw me in the dark, my tears he wiped away.
He is my Saviour. A simple truth about the Son of God.

I love the LORD because he could have ruled the world but he chose to serve.
He chose to spend 30 something years in obscurity as a carpenter's son.
He did not seek fame or try to stand out of the crowd.
He chose obedience over power.
He chose to submit, to love unconditionally.

I love the LORD because he was so different from this world. He had a way of turning everything upside down with a simple act. He spoke to a Samaritan woman when he shouldn't have. He wept when he saw his friends suffering even tho he knew he would fill them with joy within moments. He paid attention to the unlovables of his world. And made fishermen famous. Obedience, submission, servanthood, and unconditional love. He didn't conform even to his world's image of him. He simply went about his business and completed his purpose.

Even as he was about to go through undescribable suffering, he spent his last moments of freedom praying for us. His disciples and all other believers. He prayed for me and you. His love the world had never seen before. He wasn't just an innocent man dying unjustly. He was the Son of God choosing to die for us. For me.

some crazy thoughts

i sometimes think the only things that make sense in my life are my children.

freedom...galatians 5:1...how free am I? how burdened am i by a yoke of slavery (or the message version...never let anyone put a harness of slavery on me)....i don't feel free....need more simplifying and balance. The LORD died to set me free...am i honouring him by making the most of this freedom or did he die for me in vain??

if the LORD was living my life what would he get rid of? What would he prioritise? Do i need to be more like him or more like who the LORD made me to be? Becos I'm not like my Saviour. But there are certain characteristics about him that I adore and would love to call them my own too.