i have not spent a lot of time with the LORD lately. I thank the LORD for prayer! The ability to talk to the LORD whenever and wherever has been my life saver over the years. And yet again, this is keeping me afloat. I always have time to talk to him.
I have watched two stink movies lately in my after midnight sessions with riley. But both had messages straight from the LORD. That shed light on my life - in both these cases about my marriage. How do i know it was from the LORD? Because i recognised it immediately as truth. It was about me and it's always as if they looked into my soul and found what I already knew was there but couldn't put my finger on. As always the LORD being the creator of my soul cut right to the heart of me.
I said to him, why are you using these two mediocre movies to speak to me - i mean they could at least be memorable ones! And i realised it's because I haven't spent a lot of time in study or reading my daily sources or in the word. So typical of him - he stepped into my every day life.
I love it when he does that because it shows me how much he cares that he can still touch my life right where I'm at. I watched these movies because I don't need to concentrate on them, but they might be funny or a bit of a story that i can follow in the background while i hang with my daughter. A romantic comedy would be great...but haven't found anything yet :)
Anyways he's given me a lot of food for thought. I have a lot of personal homework to do!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
day dreaming
every now and then i have crazy ideas and get the travel bug. I have a list of places i would love to visit before i die. The biggest on this list would be Antarctica. I hope I get to go. An even bigger dream is space travel, but that wont be in my life time...and even if it was, it would be waaay too expensive.
So last week was hanging with my son and another idea popped into my head. Why can't we go live in New York for a year or two. Myles could get a transfer...We've always wanted to go to New York. But then the whole 9/11 happened and put that idea to bed for a while.
If we did, then what year would that be? How disruptive would that be for the kids education? It would have to be before they went to school which means in the next couple of years. But then I would miss out on crucial years in my nieces and nephews lives. Especially the older two and the youngest one!
I still haven't ruled it out. But thought maybe we could just go there for a couple of months and explore the place. That way myles gets to spend time with us rather than at work.
I'm such a dreamer! But dreaming did get me to London, Paris, Jerusalem, the Serengeti, the Disney castle in Germany with the impossible name Neuw...stein, Austria, Switzerland, Holland, etc. So will happily keep dreaming :)
So last week was hanging with my son and another idea popped into my head. Why can't we go live in New York for a year or two. Myles could get a transfer...We've always wanted to go to New York. But then the whole 9/11 happened and put that idea to bed for a while.
If we did, then what year would that be? How disruptive would that be for the kids education? It would have to be before they went to school which means in the next couple of years. But then I would miss out on crucial years in my nieces and nephews lives. Especially the older two and the youngest one!
I still haven't ruled it out. But thought maybe we could just go there for a couple of months and explore the place. That way myles gets to spend time with us rather than at work.
I'm such a dreamer! But dreaming did get me to London, Paris, Jerusalem, the Serengeti, the Disney castle in Germany with the impossible name Neuw...stein, Austria, Switzerland, Holland, etc. So will happily keep dreaming :)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
movies
my little girl just went to sleep. I am watching more movies since she's staying up late. She slept the day away and wanted to eat and play after midnight.
I am one of these people that watch movies, find something in them, like in last post, and then off i go to wake up my hubby to discuss it with him. Of course, I don't just wake him willy nilly...is that a universal term? I only wake him up when it's relating to us or our marriage.
So watched this movie, wont say what it's called cos might reveal too much about us, and since only one of us blogs, it's not fair on the other to blurt out marriage stuff. But my point is this movie was really bad, it had characters i didn't even like. This was a good thing because it was like they were keeping it real, that people can be funny and stupid and weird. We're not perfect.
2nd point. This movie actually hit it on the nail about marriages and how different men and women are. And so after this I am going to wake up my man and have a deep and meaningful, which he won't enjoy because he's so not a night owl.
But that's me, far from perfect, one of these people who can't sleep when something needs discussing or is weighing heavy on my mind. So even tho i am really tired...had 50th tonite of one of my loved ones which was really low key and enjoyable...but didn't get home till late. Still common sense tells me i should go to be bed because i have church in a few hours, and baby will wake again. But no, I am still waking up my man :)
I am starting to wonder if this is me, up late thinking about my life, working out my issues at the opposite end of the day. I can cope with that. That's life.
I am one of these people that watch movies, find something in them, like in last post, and then off i go to wake up my hubby to discuss it with him. Of course, I don't just wake him willy nilly...is that a universal term? I only wake him up when it's relating to us or our marriage.
So watched this movie, wont say what it's called cos might reveal too much about us, and since only one of us blogs, it's not fair on the other to blurt out marriage stuff. But my point is this movie was really bad, it had characters i didn't even like. This was a good thing because it was like they were keeping it real, that people can be funny and stupid and weird. We're not perfect.
2nd point. This movie actually hit it on the nail about marriages and how different men and women are. And so after this I am going to wake up my man and have a deep and meaningful, which he won't enjoy because he's so not a night owl.
But that's me, far from perfect, one of these people who can't sleep when something needs discussing or is weighing heavy on my mind. So even tho i am really tired...had 50th tonite of one of my loved ones which was really low key and enjoyable...but didn't get home till late. Still common sense tells me i should go to be bed because i have church in a few hours, and baby will wake again. But no, I am still waking up my man :)
I am starting to wonder if this is me, up late thinking about my life, working out my issues at the opposite end of the day. I can cope with that. That's life.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
hope
i'm a sci fi fan and i was watching a babylon 5 movie. A line was used on it about hope. The captain said he's never known hope to be anything but on a diet...something along those lines. I thought wow is that true? Is that true of the hope the LORD promises us? He said in Jeremiah that his plans are to prosper us and not harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future.
Is that hope the LORD speaks of on a diet?? Is that the hope of glory in me? Is that Christ in me?
Hope is usually most relevant in the midst of trials and tribulations. Is it ever so slim and faint that it doesn't spell out a feast in the presence of my enemies, like Psalm 23 speaks of? Cup overflowing, mercy and goodness following me for the rest of my life??
At first glance it sounds true...I remember when they wheeled me around in that hospital bed to have my operation...to remove my 7 week baby in my fallopian tube. As I lay on that bed watching things wizz pass my eyes, was i filled with hope or despair? It's a moment i remember clearly. I prayed all the way and it didn't change the fact that I was about to lose a child that I only knew existed in me that very same day. We had been trying for about 3 years to have children.
I took refuge in the LORD. And I prayed the impossible prayer to save this child as they were wheeling me towards an operation which would end his/her life. I took hope in the knowledge that this proved I could have children even tho he/she was growing in the wrong place. That seems like the hope i had was on a diet. Small consulation for the loss of a life. We had been trying for 3 years and this was our reward?? Little hope surely. Especially as this would mean more difficulty having a child with only one fallopian tube and to make matters worse they also found a large cyst on the opposite ovary...hope on a diet.
Three months later, before my cyst operation I was told they wouldn't be able to save my ovary and this would mean I couldn't have children...with no fallopian tube attached to my only good ovary. Yip, at first glance the LORD's promise of a future and a hope seemed very slim. I remember sitting in that doctor's office. I remember having to hold back tears as they stated that fact to me. Taking away that wonderful future I hoped for.
But I knew the LORD was with me. I knew my child was safe in him and that one day I would meet this little soul again. That even tho i didn't know him/her, the LORD knew. This was his creation and he was taking my child home.
I was devastated. But i put all my hope in the LORD. Hope of more children, hope that this child would experience eternity before me, see my LORD, see my Saviour, hope in the unseen. I knew Satan was trying to steal my future.
So as I prayed on that hospital bed, I was filled with such peace and comfort. I needed it to get thru the operation. Mourning would come later.
That was my hope. And yes the LORD did have a future planned for me and a hope. Yes there was a feast waiting for me. My reward for this hope? A reward I thank him throughout my days for? Two beautiful little ones fast asleep as their crazy Mum bakes a banana cake at 3:20am on this warm Sydney night.
Is that hope the LORD speaks of on a diet?? Is that the hope of glory in me? Is that Christ in me?
Hope is usually most relevant in the midst of trials and tribulations. Is it ever so slim and faint that it doesn't spell out a feast in the presence of my enemies, like Psalm 23 speaks of? Cup overflowing, mercy and goodness following me for the rest of my life??
At first glance it sounds true...I remember when they wheeled me around in that hospital bed to have my operation...to remove my 7 week baby in my fallopian tube. As I lay on that bed watching things wizz pass my eyes, was i filled with hope or despair? It's a moment i remember clearly. I prayed all the way and it didn't change the fact that I was about to lose a child that I only knew existed in me that very same day. We had been trying for about 3 years to have children.
I took refuge in the LORD. And I prayed the impossible prayer to save this child as they were wheeling me towards an operation which would end his/her life. I took hope in the knowledge that this proved I could have children even tho he/she was growing in the wrong place. That seems like the hope i had was on a diet. Small consulation for the loss of a life. We had been trying for 3 years and this was our reward?? Little hope surely. Especially as this would mean more difficulty having a child with only one fallopian tube and to make matters worse they also found a large cyst on the opposite ovary...hope on a diet.
Three months later, before my cyst operation I was told they wouldn't be able to save my ovary and this would mean I couldn't have children...with no fallopian tube attached to my only good ovary. Yip, at first glance the LORD's promise of a future and a hope seemed very slim. I remember sitting in that doctor's office. I remember having to hold back tears as they stated that fact to me. Taking away that wonderful future I hoped for.
But I knew the LORD was with me. I knew my child was safe in him and that one day I would meet this little soul again. That even tho i didn't know him/her, the LORD knew. This was his creation and he was taking my child home.
I was devastated. But i put all my hope in the LORD. Hope of more children, hope that this child would experience eternity before me, see my LORD, see my Saviour, hope in the unseen. I knew Satan was trying to steal my future.
So as I prayed on that hospital bed, I was filled with such peace and comfort. I needed it to get thru the operation. Mourning would come later.
That was my hope. And yes the LORD did have a future planned for me and a hope. Yes there was a feast waiting for me. My reward for this hope? A reward I thank him throughout my days for? Two beautiful little ones fast asleep as their crazy Mum bakes a banana cake at 3:20am on this warm Sydney night.
Friday, October 17, 2008
life with two
i think because i have been tired all week, last nite i was looking forward to going out shopping. But it wasn't the shopping but more just the hanging out carefree. I spend my days with my two little ones, so they determine my daily schedule...when they eat, when they sleep or play, etc. Even though my man is at home at night, there is still sleeps, breast feeding, etc. I don't do lots in between because i am tired and i just want to sleep at the moment. (yes, can't wait for my little girl to get back to a routine!)
So it's nice to have a few hours where you just wander around, have coffee and a little something special, pop into shops and see what's out there. (popped into one of those dollar shops and they had electric hand held fans with a twist - they had a light which you could programme words into and they flash up as the fan spins around. Great stocking filler for my nieces and nephews!).
But last nite my man came home late and so by the time we got to the shops there was nothing carefree about it. We had to buy a 5oth pressie which was meant to be easy but wasn't. And didn't get to have coffee and hang out. Very sad.
And the nite before we had takeaways but didn't get what i ordered....so all very disappointing :)
It made me realise i really have to do better at scheduling time for myself. Otherwise I won't enjoy my two little ones as much and they will definitely not enjoy me! lol
I am normally up till 2am and then wake up 6am, , 7:30am, 8:30am...lots of broken sleep makes for a very sleepy mum. I'm having one of those 'what about me' moments :)
So it's nice to have a few hours where you just wander around, have coffee and a little something special, pop into shops and see what's out there. (popped into one of those dollar shops and they had electric hand held fans with a twist - they had a light which you could programme words into and they flash up as the fan spins around. Great stocking filler for my nieces and nephews!).
But last nite my man came home late and so by the time we got to the shops there was nothing carefree about it. We had to buy a 5oth pressie which was meant to be easy but wasn't. And didn't get to have coffee and hang out. Very sad.
And the nite before we had takeaways but didn't get what i ordered....so all very disappointing :)
It made me realise i really have to do better at scheduling time for myself. Otherwise I won't enjoy my two little ones as much and they will definitely not enjoy me! lol
I am normally up till 2am and then wake up 6am, , 7:30am, 8:30am...lots of broken sleep makes for a very sleepy mum. I'm having one of those 'what about me' moments :)
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