Feb 21st I had a hugely stressful day because of one of these - FAMILY. Since then I have been on a roller coaster ride as Satan has thrown everything at me to prove that FAMILY does stress me out and there's nothing I can do about it.
I don't think I've ever had a more stressful time about family than this. It felt like it was completely out of my control. I wasn't even involved. I was being talked about but nobody would say anything to my face. I was being isolated because bad reports about me were being circulated and made to not feel welcome where previously I was always welcome.
So my 1st strategy was to carry on as normal. Treat everyone as I normally would and pray that the LORD would help them to remember that I am not the kind of person who would hurt those I love...I don't even hurt those I don't love. I didn't visit those concerned because I wasn't welcome and I knew they needed time.
But it kept getting bigger. More people were involved and my character was thrown in the mud. I was being accused of things I didn't even do but not to my face. Nobody wanted to speak to me. Then my Mum became involved. That was the final straw.
I am grateful that my Mum who knows and loves me defended me. She of all people knows how much I hate gossip, how much I hate people talking about people and not talking to the person concerned, about people judging people based on what other people say instead of hearing the full story. I try very hard not to repeat stories which make someone else look bad. If I am asked I will tell the truth but I will try to say the least possible.
If I have a problem with someone, I don't involve the whole family, I go straight to that person and tell them. I always thought that was a good strategy. But what if that person doesn't even want to say hello to you, doesn't even want you in their house? I found out that strategy sux.
If my Mum asks me how somebody is doing...I don't say well actually they are behaving like crap and they did this and this and this...I tell her I haven't seen them lately or I don't know. I don't want her to think badly of that person or be angry with that person.
Even now I hear people say things which makes it seem like I did something wrong - I still don't tell them the full story. I still hold back from sticking up for myself because I don't want to put someone else in a bad light. I am beginning to think this is a bad strategy.
Apart from my man who knows everything and zella who knows most things. Having this group has taught me to share more. Now I can actually talk about my man to other people, but that's because I know they will accept him for who he is. If I thought they would hold it against him I wouldn't tell them anything negative about him. I would rather they only know his good side.
I learnt some hard lessons and I had one key strategy confirmed as successful:
hard lessons:
- people don't care how much of a blessing you have been in their lives or remember how you supported and loved them when they are hurt.
- people will circulate bad things about you and leave out the good things.
- i have to explain myself more to those i love because they don't think like me and so they will misunderstand everything I do. People will misintepret your actions even though your conscience is clear and the LORD knows that your intentions are good.
- that loving and supporting one person because you see how alone they are and how rejected and judged they feel can have a negative flip side - it leaves someone else feeling loved less, supported less, respected less.
That last hard lesson is a big one for me because I feel empathy for people. I always believe that everybody needs at least ONE person who loves and supports them even if they stuff up, are weak, etc because I never want someone to feel alone, not if I can stand by their side.
I see their potential, I see their heart. I encourage them because I know they need it. I know that's what the LORD would want me to do - to fill them with hope for their future. But then someone else feels like they are less important because of this. I don't see it because I know they have lots of others who believe in them, who look up to them, who accept them with all their faults so they don't need me.
Yet again one of those key words the LORD gave me for this year has popped up - BALANCE!
SUCCESSFUL STRATEGY:
pray, pray and pray! what is impossible for man is more than possible for the LORD.
I believed the LORD would heal and comfort us and help us to remember that we belong to him. I didn't try to fix this FAMILY situation because I saw others try and they made it worse. I knew that only the LORD would be able to rescue us and he did. It took the LORD a week to restore broken relationships and help us to start again.
I have more confirmation that I did the right thing by withdrawing from so many church responsibilities. This was one of the relationships I had planned this year to work on. This was one of my target list. But Satan beat me to it. He sabotaged that seed the LORD planted in me. He tried to destroy it before I could even begin.
George was right, it's the seed Satan is after...destroy it and he destroys God's plans for us.
George's sermon is another post - awesome word from the LORD and perfect timing as usual!
