sabotage

Do you ever feel like you're sabotaging the LORD's blessings and plans in your life? I do. The LORD has given me so much and yet I act like an ungrateful child who looks at what I don't have instead of what I do. I mourn a past that the LORD has taken away. Why???

This is one of those posts I talked about before where you can't really share the full story.

I am like this because the LORD's ways are not my ways. When he answers a prayer he doesn't always do it the way you expected or wanted. And sometimes he requires sacrifice from you...literally...you are that sacrifice and it's a cross you have to carry.

It's the LORD's way to teach me and help me grow. It definitely doesn't feel like. It feels like I'm falling apart and I don't know how to cope or shake free from what binds me. And the funny thing is it would be so much easier if i followed his example.

I've been going through something which I thought I had to go thru to get to the other side. But the LORD showed me that's not his plan. I went to my cousin's church for a night service and realised that the LORD had put my house in order and i was to walk in it. Not walk in the past but to walk in his plan to prosper me.

He rescued me from this situation so I wouldn't have to continue living it, but so I could move on from it. I can't cope with it, and he knows that. I need to consider it done and dusted. Leave it in his hands and focus on what I have control over and what I can do.

I can't control how other people feel about me, how they behave towards me, or even how much they love me. All I can do is love them the best I know how and not let them steal my joy. Make the most of what I have, focus on all that's positive. And in my life there is so much that is positive.

My head said what if i'm living a lie?? Then the LORD will sort it, but I can only be true to myself. I can't stop people lying to me. Only God can. Until he tells me they are lying to me, I have to trust him and believe that my life is in his hands. He is in control even if I am not.

But what if I get hurt again?? I can choose to let it hurt me again and again or I can choose to NEVER let it take a hold of me again. Hurt is something Satan wants me to feel. I'm not defeated, no weapon formed against me will prosper because my reward is eternal. My hope is in the LORD and the joy of the LORD is my strength.

It only hurts because it makes me feel helpless and unworthy and unloved. But the LORD loves me. And I am worthy of his love, not by my deeds but by his grace. I can't earn his love or anyone else's. It must be freely given.

I can't pretend either. But I can choose to shake it off, take it captive in the name of Jesus, and not dwell on it. Yes, it hurts. But only because I let it.

I don't feel like I'm explaining this very well. But the gist of it is: the LORD wanted to save me from this pain, from having to battle this on my own. He set up a rescue plan. And I thought that meant I had to cope with the consequences. But he rescued me so I wouldn't have to do this. He did the spring cleaning because he knew I couldn't.

All I have to do is accept that his mercy and grace is enough. That my life is still on track and under his control, not Satan's. I don't have to deal with it anymore. He let me know what was happening but he wasn't expecting me to dwell on it.

It was a case of 'Daughter this is the truth about the life you are living. But don't worry because my plans for you are still on track...your husband will be saved, your children born. Think of it no more. But strive forward in the plans I have set up. Leave the rest to me...I will sort it and it will be for your good.'

ok, i think that's what i was trying to say.