so i found a social volleyball competition within our area, at long last! But of course i'm preggy now...1 month. When i was talking to the LORD ages ago about finding exercise that i would enjoy. He found me bellydancing and he gave me this place to look up for volleyball. Myles and I drove past it but saw nothing advertising volleyball. But my cousin who also wanted to play found out that some of her friends from her church were in the competition. So i called the phone number (duh, i know i should have done this before!). But i was easily put off and i allocated the task to myles :-)
Now i have entered a family team and our 1st game is tonite. Exciting!! But being pregnant i have to wonder at how wise i'm being. The LORD gave me this to help me become more healthy because he knows how much i love volleyball. I should have done it before...is it better late then never??
I know that if there is one thing i can do well it's protect myself from a volleyball. I know how to let it bounce of me without injurying myself - good body posture. And these are beginners we are playing against so very few of them even know how to spike a ball. And I don't plan to spike or leave the ground myself. All this tells me I should be fine and I need to exercise while preggy because my body is not in the best shape.
I read in my baby bible that volleyball is fine with caution. So I'm doing it and trusting that the LORD will watch me as I remain dilligent in my efforts to safe guard my body. I may not have started this pregnancy healthy but i will try do better during it.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
heaven?
what do you think we will be doing in eternity?
I often wonder this. I think our lives here are practice ground for learning how to love the LORD first and others. So makes me wonder what he has planned in eternity for us.
I'm not one of those people who think we're all just going to sit around resting and patting wild animals...not that there's anything wrong with that. I just think with the LORD being the Master planner, the Creator of all life, the many universes...there must be more.
I'm one of these people that love the idea of exploring the stars, the many planets and universes, so i love programmes like Star Trek, Stargate, Firefly, or anything which imagines other worlds, or uses our imaginations...like LORD of the Rings, and yes even Harry Potter. I have probably scared off lots of Christians with that revelation.
I'm excited by anything which involves battles of Good vs Evil...Harry good vs evil. Sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone. I'm reminded of 1 Corinthians 4:4...my conscience is clear but that does not make me innocent it is the LORD who judges me. So lets agree to disagree and let the LORD sort it when we see him :-)
So in my mind we are involved in Interstellar exploration, overthrowing principalities that we know nothing about, fighting spiritual wars, and using so much more than the 5% of our brains that we use at the moment. To be able to create, or work with the LORD on many other creations he has....so many many possibilities.
But because we're all so different other people, not like me, must have different images of heaven...what would you like heaven to be like? What do you imagine we will be doing in eternity?
I often wonder this. I think our lives here are practice ground for learning how to love the LORD first and others. So makes me wonder what he has planned in eternity for us.
I'm not one of those people who think we're all just going to sit around resting and patting wild animals...not that there's anything wrong with that. I just think with the LORD being the Master planner, the Creator of all life, the many universes...there must be more.
I'm one of these people that love the idea of exploring the stars, the many planets and universes, so i love programmes like Star Trek, Stargate, Firefly, or anything which imagines other worlds, or uses our imaginations...like LORD of the Rings, and yes even Harry Potter. I have probably scared off lots of Christians with that revelation.
I'm excited by anything which involves battles of Good vs Evil...Harry good vs evil. Sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone. I'm reminded of 1 Corinthians 4:4...my conscience is clear but that does not make me innocent it is the LORD who judges me. So lets agree to disagree and let the LORD sort it when we see him :-)
So in my mind we are involved in Interstellar exploration, overthrowing principalities that we know nothing about, fighting spiritual wars, and using so much more than the 5% of our brains that we use at the moment. To be able to create, or work with the LORD on many other creations he has....so many many possibilities.
But because we're all so different other people, not like me, must have different images of heaven...what would you like heaven to be like? What do you imagine we will be doing in eternity?
ivf
I'm pregnant, found out yesterday. Praise the LORD for his mercy over us and his grace which completely covers us. Part of me was expecting not to be preggy because I have not been very successful at working on my health. I left it in the LORD's hands. But when i had to ring the nurse to hear my results I couldn't do it. Suddenly, I was scared, that two embryos had been sacrificed unsuccessfully. So Myles rang.
So all going well, I am due in June. Caleb will have a sibling or two (if Myles gets his wish for twins).
I have 3 embryos left in storage. So I will have to do this again. If it's part of the LORD's plan I could have at least 3 children under 5. Someone said to me, isn't this enough, but if the LORD gave me so many embryos then I have to give each one of them a chance at life. Even if it means being preggy 3 years in a row :-)
If the LORD has planned life for any of my embryos them it's my responsibility to give them that chance to grow from 8 cells to a baby, like our Caleb.
It makes me in awe of our God. How can those little cells grow into a child with all that genetic make up as decided by him. He makes us to have strengths and weaknesses and watches us grow...and learn what these are over a life time. How amazing.
Over our lifetimes, the LORD gives each of opportunities to meet with him, to choose to believe or not...but he never takes that choice away. He created us to know independence and yet one day we who believe realise that we are dependent on him...Our Creator...and then we give him opportunities to mould us.
To be that something beautiful worthy of keeping for all eternity.
So all going well, I am due in June. Caleb will have a sibling or two (if Myles gets his wish for twins).
I have 3 embryos left in storage. So I will have to do this again. If it's part of the LORD's plan I could have at least 3 children under 5. Someone said to me, isn't this enough, but if the LORD gave me so many embryos then I have to give each one of them a chance at life. Even if it means being preggy 3 years in a row :-)
If the LORD has planned life for any of my embryos them it's my responsibility to give them that chance to grow from 8 cells to a baby, like our Caleb.
It makes me in awe of our God. How can those little cells grow into a child with all that genetic make up as decided by him. He makes us to have strengths and weaknesses and watches us grow...and learn what these are over a life time. How amazing.
Over our lifetimes, the LORD gives each of opportunities to meet with him, to choose to believe or not...but he never takes that choice away. He created us to know independence and yet one day we who believe realise that we are dependent on him...Our Creator...and then we give him opportunities to mould us.
To be that something beautiful worthy of keeping for all eternity.
Friday, October 19, 2007
christian marriages
I wonder why a lot of Christian marriages end in divorce?
- Is it because we put so much pressure on ourselves to have perfect marriages because we know the LORD so we should know the answers?
- Is it because we don't want anyone to know that our marriages are not perfect so when we're around other christians, or at church, we pretend everything is fine, and never get the help we REALLY need?
- Is it because we've made a poor choice in partner and don't want to admit it until we can't hide it anymore so we never really accept that person?
- Is it because we think we're both Christians so we don't have to work at it like non-Christian marriages. We have the LORD and it will all work out?
I'm just guessing. But all these reasons set us up to fail. If we're so busy hiding or denying the truth about our marriages then how can the LORD help us?
He's all about helping us accept who we are, getting rid of the false images we create of ourselves, so that we can be the person he created us to be...when we are weak then we are strong, his grace is sufficient...this was the LORD's answer to Paul.
It's in knowing who we really are, with all our weaknesses that we learn to lean on him more, trust him more. If we're always hiding or denying our weaknesses, we pretend to be strong, instead of making the most of our REAL strengths. Pretending everything is fine is like denying we need the LORD's grace. Denying our Saviour.
It's through our weaknesses we learn such IMPORTANT lessons...WE NEED THE LORD. WE CAN'T DO LIFE WITHOUT HIM. NOTHING IS TOO SMALL FOR THE LORD'S HANDS. CAST OUR CARES ON TO HIM FOR HE CARES FOR US. SUMIT TO THE LORD. PROVERBS 3:5,6.
Marriages are that key relationship where we let our guard down, where we learn to trust another person with our lives. It's hard work because that person is as imperfect as we are. It requires us to accept NOT HIDE the things we cannot change:-)
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
our relationship
everyone thinks myles and i have this near perfect relationship...but this is far from the truth. Most of the time we get along fine because we have very similar temperaments when life is going smoothly...but not when we're upset. I am someone who has to deal with it and fix it no matter how emotional it gets or how much conflict it causes. Whereas my man is a sweep under the carpet until it can't be ignored kind of guy....and then it needs to be smoothed over so we can live with it, but not necessarily resolve it. Those are our extreme reactions.
We've had some major marriage problems to deal with and some of these have hung around all our relationship life together....I think myles gets his way more than he realises :-) You would think since myles became a christian 3 years ago we would communicate these a lot better...but most ot the time this hasn't been the case. We've been together 17 years...12 years of marriage...spent most of our 20s and all our 30s together.
Why am i sharing this because some of the key lessons of my life to date have been dealing with my relationship with myles. And to say that a believing husband is just as hard to deal with as a non-believing husband....myles should know he's had to put up with a believing wife all this time:-)
The number one thing the LORD has said to me about myles happened when i had moved onto a new level in my faith. I guess the LORD was waiting till i was ready. I was praying and upset with Myles and saying to the LORD 'change him, he's driving me crazy...blah blah'. And the LORD's still quiet voice, my Counsellor, the Holy Spirit, said one line to me...this is one of the ways he communicates to me, by putting a single thought in my head which is often very different from the thoughts i'm having at the time...and it speaks the truth into whatever situation i am in...the line was 'FOR HIM TO CHANGE YOU MUST CHANGE'.
Of course that killed me because I realised all this time i was waiting for myles to change, and the LORD was waiting for me to change. I balled my eyes out and praised him.
This is when i discovered Joyce Meyer. I'm a nite owl, so the next night i was awake in the early hours of the morning and i heard this unforgettable voice. And she said 'stop waiting for your husband to change, you need to change!' If you know Joyce you would know her marriage story which i recognised in my own.
I knew it was the LORD confirming his message to me. And so i took my eyes of Myles and put them back on me. It took a couple of years, but i stopped being angry with him, and trying to force feed him the LORD. I found Hillsong Church, their city congregation which was within walking distance of our home. And Myles came with me. He even took notes. I don't know how much sunk in but it was a worldly understanding and not a spiritual one. But i think hearing other people speak of the LORD was good for him. The LORD was at work even if myles didn't know it.
My next real breakthrough came after a long time of testing for me...when i lost a baby, a fallopian tube, part of my ovary, and my Dad. I was at a Hillsong conference and I had learnt a lot at my time with Hillsong. I found the LORD asking me to trust him and to follow him into the dark. My spirit soared and I said the unthinkable and meant it with all my heart 'WHATEVER YOU WANT LORD'
If i had known what the LORD would ask of me, I would have taken that statement back:-) but I gave him permission to do whatever it would take to save my husband even if it meant sacrificing me. But that's my man's story. What it meant for me was a final test in which the LORD would show me just how much more I needed to trust him.
It showed me that sometimes the LORD asks of us things we never thought we were capable of doing. That all our lives are preparation for key turning points where we can choose to obey or choose to turn our own way. These moments teach us so much about who we are and who God is. It builds our relationship with him, but it also puts it at risk. I learnt that God doesn't care about PERFECT...i guess that's why he loves us so much:-) And how far he would go to save his children, that one lost son or daughter.
Satan has plans for our destruction, moments like these when we are tempted to turn away from the LORD and to believe he has abandoned us and does not love us. But the LORD already knows all the days of our lives and he prepares us for these turning points so that we can stand up under it and he also provides a way out for us.
It was practice ground for what I already knew that life is not about me it's about saving others. About bringing God's children home, my brothers and sisters, and thankfully my husband.
And then Caleb was born...i couldn't feel more loved by Him. Two answered prayers - a saved husband and a baby. It reminds me of Matthew 6:33...seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Our God reigns.
We've had some major marriage problems to deal with and some of these have hung around all our relationship life together....I think myles gets his way more than he realises :-) You would think since myles became a christian 3 years ago we would communicate these a lot better...but most ot the time this hasn't been the case. We've been together 17 years...12 years of marriage...spent most of our 20s and all our 30s together.
Why am i sharing this because some of the key lessons of my life to date have been dealing with my relationship with myles. And to say that a believing husband is just as hard to deal with as a non-believing husband....myles should know he's had to put up with a believing wife all this time:-)
The number one thing the LORD has said to me about myles happened when i had moved onto a new level in my faith. I guess the LORD was waiting till i was ready. I was praying and upset with Myles and saying to the LORD 'change him, he's driving me crazy...blah blah'. And the LORD's still quiet voice, my Counsellor, the Holy Spirit, said one line to me...this is one of the ways he communicates to me, by putting a single thought in my head which is often very different from the thoughts i'm having at the time...and it speaks the truth into whatever situation i am in...the line was 'FOR HIM TO CHANGE YOU MUST CHANGE'.
Of course that killed me because I realised all this time i was waiting for myles to change, and the LORD was waiting for me to change. I balled my eyes out and praised him.
This is when i discovered Joyce Meyer. I'm a nite owl, so the next night i was awake in the early hours of the morning and i heard this unforgettable voice. And she said 'stop waiting for your husband to change, you need to change!' If you know Joyce you would know her marriage story which i recognised in my own.
I knew it was the LORD confirming his message to me. And so i took my eyes of Myles and put them back on me. It took a couple of years, but i stopped being angry with him, and trying to force feed him the LORD. I found Hillsong Church, their city congregation which was within walking distance of our home. And Myles came with me. He even took notes. I don't know how much sunk in but it was a worldly understanding and not a spiritual one. But i think hearing other people speak of the LORD was good for him. The LORD was at work even if myles didn't know it.
My next real breakthrough came after a long time of testing for me...when i lost a baby, a fallopian tube, part of my ovary, and my Dad. I was at a Hillsong conference and I had learnt a lot at my time with Hillsong. I found the LORD asking me to trust him and to follow him into the dark. My spirit soared and I said the unthinkable and meant it with all my heart 'WHATEVER YOU WANT LORD'
If i had known what the LORD would ask of me, I would have taken that statement back:-) but I gave him permission to do whatever it would take to save my husband even if it meant sacrificing me. But that's my man's story. What it meant for me was a final test in which the LORD would show me just how much more I needed to trust him.
It showed me that sometimes the LORD asks of us things we never thought we were capable of doing. That all our lives are preparation for key turning points where we can choose to obey or choose to turn our own way. These moments teach us so much about who we are and who God is. It builds our relationship with him, but it also puts it at risk. I learnt that God doesn't care about PERFECT...i guess that's why he loves us so much:-) And how far he would go to save his children, that one lost son or daughter.
Satan has plans for our destruction, moments like these when we are tempted to turn away from the LORD and to believe he has abandoned us and does not love us. But the LORD already knows all the days of our lives and he prepares us for these turning points so that we can stand up under it and he also provides a way out for us.
It was practice ground for what I already knew that life is not about me it's about saving others. About bringing God's children home, my brothers and sisters, and thankfully my husband.
And then Caleb was born...i couldn't feel more loved by Him. Two answered prayers - a saved husband and a baby. It reminds me of Matthew 6:33...seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Our God reigns.
He is right by my side
I was reminded of something at church ...which i easily forget because i get caught up in the every day routines of life....the LORD is with me. He stands by my side so i'm never alone. His Spirit lives within me so I never have to deal with anything on my own.
I forget this when i'm drowning in something or i'm tired or i feel defeated in a certain area in my life...or when the same problems come around again and i haven't dealt with them still.
I can't overcome these things but He can. I may have never won a battle in a certain area, but nothing can stand against Him. And when those same problems come back to haunt me - i can hide in the LORD who is haunted by nothing.
It starts with just speaking the words to myself. Because it's me who needs to change and my mind that needs to be transformed.
I am not defeated and so I should never speak words like 'i can't do this' 'im too tired to try' or 'is this ever going to change?'. At least not without adding God to the picture....'i can't do this BUT GOD CAN'....THINGS WILL CHANGE BECAUSE THE LORD IS HERE RIGHT NOW AND HE'S NEVER GOING TO LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME!!
I forget this when i'm drowning in something or i'm tired or i feel defeated in a certain area in my life...or when the same problems come around again and i haven't dealt with them still.
I can't overcome these things but He can. I may have never won a battle in a certain area, but nothing can stand against Him. And when those same problems come back to haunt me - i can hide in the LORD who is haunted by nothing.
It starts with just speaking the words to myself. Because it's me who needs to change and my mind that needs to be transformed.
I am not defeated and so I should never speak words like 'i can't do this' 'im too tired to try' or 'is this ever going to change?'. At least not without adding God to the picture....'i can't do this BUT GOD CAN'....THINGS WILL CHANGE BECAUSE THE LORD IS HERE RIGHT NOW AND HE'S NEVER GOING TO LEAVE ME NOR FORSAKE ME!!
Sunday, October 07, 2007
a day of mourning
today the french put us in our place (again!!!)...i along with all of nz and all kiwis around the world am sooooooooo depressed at the loss of the All Blacks that I can't bare to leave my house! it sounds ridiculous and i wish i was kidding...but we lost our quarter final...i woke up in the early morning to watch it on tv and have been wandering around in a daze ever since....i can't believe we lost again....we have only won 1 world cup....we didn't even make the semis....we win every other game...aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.
it's like a black cloud is sitting over my head....i haven't even changed or brushed my teeth.....i just can't believe it....why why why....we had 4 years to get this right....i feel like drowning my sorrows.....i'm so upset...we never get this right...i never want to watch another game...it's like London all over again...i was in London when we lost that world cup...i nearly took up smoking. this seriously sucks!!!!!
For those who don't know what i'm talking about it's Rugby. Just a game to most people...but to me it's everything good about being from a small nation in a big wide world...we take on the world and we win...but never at the world cup...ok once but that was so long ago who cares????!!! 20 years....and we haven't won the world cup....i'm not up to going anywhere today.
it's like a black cloud is sitting over my head....i haven't even changed or brushed my teeth.....i just can't believe it....why why why....we had 4 years to get this right....i feel like drowning my sorrows.....i'm so upset...we never get this right...i never want to watch another game...it's like London all over again...i was in London when we lost that world cup...i nearly took up smoking. this seriously sucks!!!!!
For those who don't know what i'm talking about it's Rugby. Just a game to most people...but to me it's everything good about being from a small nation in a big wide world...we take on the world and we win...but never at the world cup...ok once but that was so long ago who cares????!!! 20 years....and we haven't won the world cup....i'm not up to going anywhere today.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
why do you believe?
Tell us why do you believe? When the world says your crazy what is it that compells you to follow someone you've never met, believe in an unseen God?
I believe not only because I grew up in a christian family but because when I was 16, at a crucial turning point in my life, the LORD intervened and saved me. I was at a youth camp listening to a song which broke me...I realised that the LORD had forgiven me but I had not forgive myself for being the person I was becoming. I felt I wasn't worthy of such a sacrifice. When I realised this a huge weight was lifted of my shoulder and I accepted the LORD's UNCONDITIONAL love wholeheartedly.
It gave me the strength to say NO to a major crisis in my life and turn back from a road leading to Satan. I began a personal relationship with the LORD which nothing and no one can ever replace.
What is it that compells me to believe?? It's me. I could have been one of Satan's little helpers but because the LORD made me a new person, restored my innocence, gave me beauty for ashes...I am the LORD's daughter...imperfect and beautiful all at the same time.
If anyone reads this please don't think i'm bragging...I know my place...I am one of many, many daughters, many children through the generations.
So why do you believe?
I believe not only because I grew up in a christian family but because when I was 16, at a crucial turning point in my life, the LORD intervened and saved me. I was at a youth camp listening to a song which broke me...I realised that the LORD had forgiven me but I had not forgive myself for being the person I was becoming. I felt I wasn't worthy of such a sacrifice. When I realised this a huge weight was lifted of my shoulder and I accepted the LORD's UNCONDITIONAL love wholeheartedly.
It gave me the strength to say NO to a major crisis in my life and turn back from a road leading to Satan. I began a personal relationship with the LORD which nothing and no one can ever replace.
What is it that compells me to believe?? It's me. I could have been one of Satan's little helpers but because the LORD made me a new person, restored my innocence, gave me beauty for ashes...I am the LORD's daughter...imperfect and beautiful all at the same time.
If anyone reads this please don't think i'm bragging...I know my place...I am one of many, many daughters, many children through the generations.
So why do you believe?
caleb in action
my son was so well behaved today. here he is in action as he climbs my wall of cushions to reach all those wonderful things he's not allowed to touch :-)crazy day
what a day we had today. Firstly, myles and i both forgot i had an ivf scan and blood test appointment today for different reasons. I had to have this today for the timing of my embryo transfer and the Doctor able to do this was only available in the morning.
Rec'd a call at 8:30am from the clinic, called myles to rush back from work so we could attend together and because i can't drive :-( For myles that meant jumping on a train then picking up the car driving to pick me up and drive to the clinic. He gets to the car...flat tyre! Thankfully the LORD was on the job and Myles happened to be talking to our Pastor who was just leaving home with his family.
So I'm sitting on my doorstep anxiously waiting and praying, thinking something must be wrong with the car...when my Pastor drives up with his whole family in tow...and myles jumps out of the back seat.
Very funny...so we did the scan and blood test and they couldn't find my vein so had 2 jabs todays :-(
Plus I was meant to meet up with a friend and son that I have always cancelled on or something has come up...I turned up an hr and 1/2 late...thanks to IVF mix up.
We had to get my sister in law to pick us up after...it was a relief to meet up with my friend and just chill in the sun after all that drama.
So the scan showed it's all go for the transfer. I had a trigger injection tonite which killed...one of those scarry long needles. And next few days are crucial...transfer tues.
What a day! And i chilled out tonite with a Stargate overload. Hope the weekend is quieter :-)
Rec'd a call at 8:30am from the clinic, called myles to rush back from work so we could attend together and because i can't drive :-( For myles that meant jumping on a train then picking up the car driving to pick me up and drive to the clinic. He gets to the car...flat tyre! Thankfully the LORD was on the job and Myles happened to be talking to our Pastor who was just leaving home with his family.
So I'm sitting on my doorstep anxiously waiting and praying, thinking something must be wrong with the car...when my Pastor drives up with his whole family in tow...and myles jumps out of the back seat.
Very funny...so we did the scan and blood test and they couldn't find my vein so had 2 jabs todays :-(
Plus I was meant to meet up with a friend and son that I have always cancelled on or something has come up...I turned up an hr and 1/2 late...thanks to IVF mix up.
We had to get my sister in law to pick us up after...it was a relief to meet up with my friend and just chill in the sun after all that drama.
So the scan showed it's all go for the transfer. I had a trigger injection tonite which killed...one of those scarry long needles. And next few days are crucial...transfer tues.
What a day! And i chilled out tonite with a Stargate overload. Hope the weekend is quieter :-)
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