had a great day today. church in the morning, followed by lunch with my little family, then movie with my girlfriend. Some christians might find this scandalous but I actually like 'sex and the city', it's hilarious and sometimes surprisingly relevant to this girl's life. And I get to escape into a life of fashion that I have no idea about...seriously the clothes they wear on that programme are nearly always beautiful. Carrie's home wardrobe was enough to make me feel like I need to upgrade...and that was her scaled down :)
Plus i saw my 1st episode last year...and then watched every series ever made for the next few months on foxtel which showed episodes every night. When my brother died I needed to laugh and the 1st episode I saw made me laugh so loud I had to watch more. Of course, I fast forwarded the many sex scenes, thanks to my IQ box which let me watch recordings.
So that was the movie I saw today. Apparently not great reviews. But if you're fan it's still great fun and leaves you feeling like celebrating everything girlie...I want the green dress, nightie probably for Carrie, that she wears in the final scene :)
So she was worried her marriage was losing it's 'sparkle' and it made me think just how important that was in a marriage. I've been with my man for 20yrs and I can honestly say that my marriage has lost some of it's sparkle...and if you've seen the movie you will know I'm not talking about sex. And I want more sparkle because to spend 50 years with one person is going to take more than just sharing every day life together of kids, meals, work, chores etc. I love my husband but sparkle ...that's like something only lovers can share.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Sunday, July 04, 2010
accept
accept accept accept accept. what's wrong with this beautiful life i have...two wonderful children who fill my heart with love and hope...a husband who loves me...a beautiful home...family....a church to belong to....more than enough for a good life....then why is ACCEPT such a hard word for me???? Am I so greedy that this is not enough for me? if it was taken away I would wish to have this time back when my life was so good.
My husband is making up my daughter's scooter. A birthday present for her. my 3 yr old son saying 'dad, i have two wrenches like that'...i shld be with them enjoying this moment instead of here.
Song playing 'i'm trading my pain for the joy of the LORD. yes LORD, YES LORD YES YES LORD AMEN.
God cannot be more clear to me :) Yes, LORD
My husband is making up my daughter's scooter. A birthday present for her. my 3 yr old son saying 'dad, i have two wrenches like that'...i shld be with them enjoying this moment instead of here.
Song playing 'i'm trading my pain for the joy of the LORD. yes LORD, YES LORD YES YES LORD AMEN.
God cannot be more clear to me :) Yes, LORD
grief overwhelming
I see you in that room teaching us your final lessons. I see you in that garden praying for us. You spent your last moments of freedom thinking of us. Help me to think of you.
Friday, July 02, 2010
mum
there's something about my mum that just rubs me up the wrong way. if i'm more like my dad then why can't i be like him and love mum for who she is?
everything i try doesn't work. i don't know how to shut up. it's very disrespectful and i don't know how to stop myself and walk away. it's because she's always telling me what to do. which wld be ok if it wasn't small stuff that i learnt when i was 10 or if it didn't feel like i was under a microscope and she was watching my every move waiting to tell me what i shld have done, or how to do it, or do it better...it's that. she drives me nuts and i just want to scream leave me alone and get the hell out of my face. yip :) that's the truth of it.
so i don't respect her. how do i fix that? LORD can you help me pls. things can't keep going on the way they are and i will not be able to live with her and I need to when she can't look after herself. I don't want my mum in a home. I love her and I miss her when she's not here, but a week is enough for me to wish she wasn't here.
when she nags me i need to let it go over my head. I need to think of it as her trying to be a good mum, not her trying to take over my life. There's just no privacy with her. She wants to know everything and be involved in everything. And i'm a private person. It's like a serious clash of personalities. I don't know how to love her.
Last time i balled my eyes out after a phone conversation with her which just made me want to pull out all my hair. I was crying and complaining to the LORD. And he just put this thought in my head 'she needs more love than you do' and that made me cry more because I thought of how she lost my dad who adored her and spoilt her, her husband, lover and best friend. She's living on her own, having to do more for herself then she has ever had to...trying to do life on her own. I have everything. hubby, children, lots of family, my brother living with us...she had no one.
I need to remember that even tho i am old she is still my mum. she's not a friend or or my sister who i wld treat with more respect and who would respect me more. I need to remember I am still her child. She deserves my respect. She use to change my nappies. Get over myself and accept that she's a bossy, negative, judgemental, think she's always right kind of person. Leave all that to the LORD and just give her the respect she deserves as my mother.
I need to have it written on my hand, somewhere in front of me so I can remember: YOU ARE STILL HER CHILD SHE DESERVES RESPECT. Will try that next time i see her :)
everything i try doesn't work. i don't know how to shut up. it's very disrespectful and i don't know how to stop myself and walk away. it's because she's always telling me what to do. which wld be ok if it wasn't small stuff that i learnt when i was 10 or if it didn't feel like i was under a microscope and she was watching my every move waiting to tell me what i shld have done, or how to do it, or do it better...it's that. she drives me nuts and i just want to scream leave me alone and get the hell out of my face. yip :) that's the truth of it.
so i don't respect her. how do i fix that? LORD can you help me pls. things can't keep going on the way they are and i will not be able to live with her and I need to when she can't look after herself. I don't want my mum in a home. I love her and I miss her when she's not here, but a week is enough for me to wish she wasn't here.
when she nags me i need to let it go over my head. I need to think of it as her trying to be a good mum, not her trying to take over my life. There's just no privacy with her. She wants to know everything and be involved in everything. And i'm a private person. It's like a serious clash of personalities. I don't know how to love her.
Last time i balled my eyes out after a phone conversation with her which just made me want to pull out all my hair. I was crying and complaining to the LORD. And he just put this thought in my head 'she needs more love than you do' and that made me cry more because I thought of how she lost my dad who adored her and spoilt her, her husband, lover and best friend. She's living on her own, having to do more for herself then she has ever had to...trying to do life on her own. I have everything. hubby, children, lots of family, my brother living with us...she had no one.
I need to remember that even tho i am old she is still my mum. she's not a friend or or my sister who i wld treat with more respect and who would respect me more. I need to remember I am still her child. She deserves my respect. She use to change my nappies. Get over myself and accept that she's a bossy, negative, judgemental, think she's always right kind of person. Leave all that to the LORD and just give her the respect she deserves as my mother.
I need to have it written on my hand, somewhere in front of me so I can remember: YOU ARE STILL HER CHILD SHE DESERVES RESPECT. Will try that next time i see her :)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
RECONCILIATION
current thoughts:
the LORD sacrificed himself to reconcile the world to him. He didn't die just for us Christians but for all humanity. He died for everyone so there would be a door from our world to his and whoever chooses to open that door will find him. But still it's our choice to make. He provided a way for us to come to him. For sin to lose it's power over us full knowing that we couldn't do this ourselves. He's so far beyond us that there was no way we could meet his standards once we made that choice to follow our own wills. Nothing we can do to earn it. We will never reach our potential in this world because we need him to guide us. He made us and he knows us better than we know ourselves. But he has given us the option of unlimited time to become all that we can be.
When we decided we knew best in Eden we took that option away. But God loved us so much he let it happen knowing one day he would sacrifice his son, himself. So that we would have another choice to death. So what's time on this planet all about. Why not just skip it and make the choice now...if you choose to be boss of your life...there's a line to hell. If you choose to let God be boss...there's a line to heaven. Why spend thousands of years, and countless lives who have/are struggling in this world, or enjoying this world only to make that decision a moment later?? Why not end it after Jesus was resurrected?
Creation isn't finished...God hasn't finished creating.
So what do we do with the 0-100 odd years we get on this planet? I say enjoy it. So when we go to eternity we don't waste a moment of it having to learn what we should have already learnt, having to grow up...or be sent to kindergarten cos we wasted our days on this planet saying God is boss but not living it. Living lives of duplicity. I WANT TO BE ALL THAT I AM MEANT TO BE FOR THIS MOMENT IN TIME. Not wishing I was more or pretending I am more, or thinking I'm less and wasting time feeling sorry for myself and living in the past or fighting the present. Whoever i am at this moment in time is worth celebrating. Becos the LORD made today for me, for you, for us.
Let's enjoy it please.
the LORD sacrificed himself to reconcile the world to him. He didn't die just for us Christians but for all humanity. He died for everyone so there would be a door from our world to his and whoever chooses to open that door will find him. But still it's our choice to make. He provided a way for us to come to him. For sin to lose it's power over us full knowing that we couldn't do this ourselves. He's so far beyond us that there was no way we could meet his standards once we made that choice to follow our own wills. Nothing we can do to earn it. We will never reach our potential in this world because we need him to guide us. He made us and he knows us better than we know ourselves. But he has given us the option of unlimited time to become all that we can be.
When we decided we knew best in Eden we took that option away. But God loved us so much he let it happen knowing one day he would sacrifice his son, himself. So that we would have another choice to death. So what's time on this planet all about. Why not just skip it and make the choice now...if you choose to be boss of your life...there's a line to hell. If you choose to let God be boss...there's a line to heaven. Why spend thousands of years, and countless lives who have/are struggling in this world, or enjoying this world only to make that decision a moment later?? Why not end it after Jesus was resurrected?
Creation isn't finished...God hasn't finished creating.
So what do we do with the 0-100 odd years we get on this planet? I say enjoy it. So when we go to eternity we don't waste a moment of it having to learn what we should have already learnt, having to grow up...or be sent to kindergarten cos we wasted our days on this planet saying God is boss but not living it. Living lives of duplicity. I WANT TO BE ALL THAT I AM MEANT TO BE FOR THIS MOMENT IN TIME. Not wishing I was more or pretending I am more, or thinking I'm less and wasting time feeling sorry for myself and living in the past or fighting the present. Whoever i am at this moment in time is worth celebrating. Becos the LORD made today for me, for you, for us.
Let's enjoy it please.
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