hope

i'm a sci fi fan and i was watching a babylon 5 movie. A line was used on it about hope. The captain said he's never known hope to be anything but on a diet...something along those lines. I thought wow is that true? Is that true of the hope the LORD promises us? He said in Jeremiah that his plans are to prosper us and not harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future.

Is that hope the LORD speaks of on a diet?? Is that the hope of glory in me? Is that Christ in me?

Hope is usually most relevant in the midst of trials and tribulations. Is it ever so slim and faint that it doesn't spell out a feast in the presence of my enemies, like Psalm 23 speaks of? Cup overflowing, mercy and goodness following me for the rest of my life??

At first glance it sounds true...I remember when they wheeled me around in that hospital bed to have my operation...to remove my 7 week baby in my fallopian tube. As I lay on that bed watching things wizz pass my eyes, was i filled with hope or despair? It's a moment i remember clearly. I prayed all the way and it didn't change the fact that I was about to lose a child that I only knew existed in me that very same day. We had been trying for about 3 years to have children.

I took refuge in the LORD. And I prayed the impossible prayer to save this child as they were wheeling me towards an operation which would end his/her life. I took hope in the knowledge that this proved I could have children even tho he/she was growing in the wrong place. That seems like the hope i had was on a diet. Small consulation for the loss of a life. We had been trying for 3 years and this was our reward?? Little hope surely. Especially as this would mean more difficulty having a child with only one fallopian tube and to make matters worse they also found a large cyst on the opposite ovary...hope on a diet.

Three months later, before my cyst operation I was told they wouldn't be able to save my ovary and this would mean I couldn't have children...with no fallopian tube attached to my only good ovary. Yip, at first glance the LORD's promise of a future and a hope seemed very slim. I remember sitting in that doctor's office. I remember having to hold back tears as they stated that fact to me. Taking away that wonderful future I hoped for.

But I knew the LORD was with me. I knew my child was safe in him and that one day I would meet this little soul again. That even tho i didn't know him/her, the LORD knew. This was his creation and he was taking my child home.

I was devastated. But i put all my hope in the LORD. Hope of more children, hope that this child would experience eternity before me, see my LORD, see my Saviour, hope in the unseen. I knew Satan was trying to steal my future.

So as I prayed on that hospital bed, I was filled with such peace and comfort. I needed it to get thru the operation. Mourning would come later.

That was my hope. And yes the LORD did have a future planned for me and a hope. Yes there was a feast waiting for me. My reward for this hope? A reward I thank him throughout my days for? Two beautiful little ones fast asleep as their crazy Mum bakes a banana cake at 3:20am on this warm Sydney night.