change

I'm letting people get to me emotionally. And since being preggys with two babies I have noticed the physical effect this is having on me. I can actually feel my stress levels rising...my body and face esp tense up. My head hurts from it and I can't cope.

Quite sad really. But it made me realise something. I know the LORD has harped on to me about this for years now and I have changed a lot but it's like something negative is creeping back into my life and I can't stand that! I have to snap out of it before it becomes a stronghold for Satan.

Anyways what i realised yet again is - i can't control anything except ME. The choices I make, how i chose to spend my day, focus on, enjoy...these are all mine to make the most of. Yesterday, was feeling very overwhelmed because I was expecting to have a nice day. My mum was staying at my brother's place so I had this free day to do what I needed to do.

So lots of washing planned - something I enjoy doing when it's on my own timetable. Plus wanted to sort my porch area - was given an outdoor table and chairs set for birthdays (mine and myles). Then was going to watch my cousins in their grand final for rugby league. Hang out with family there and have a laugh as we all cheer them on.

But my morning proved stressful. And the day was looking gloomy so not good washing weather and I couldn't take kids out in that weather. And someone who shall remain nameless upset me all morning. I won't get into details becos will be too obvious who it is.

I could feel myself losing control...my body was tense and I was about to have a huge hissy fit. And then i thought - why am I letting this person upset me? They are doing what they want. Why am I busting my gut trying to do things that benefit everyone when they're just looking after themselves?

That's when I remembered that important God lesson of mine. I can't change anything but ME. Do what I want to do...and enjoy the day the LORD has given me. So decided to leave kids with hubby and go out with my cousins. Since it's only the 2nd time I've been without them for a few hours...I can have some ME time.

And it was heaps of fun. Laughed and cheered till my voice was croaky. And they won!

And today I'm continuing with doing what I want...day is glorious and washing is drying, babies are asleep and I am going to have a cup of tea and flick thru my house mag on my tidied porch in the sun :) God is good.