servanthood

One of the great things about my Lord and Saviour was the choices he made. He chose to be a servant instead of a King. He chose to suffer instead of rule. With one word he could have saved himself a lot of pain and humiliation but he chose obedience and self-denial.

I believe I have failed the self-denial test of a good and faithful servant. To deny one's self means to ignore the offences of others and pour blessings on them...as my Saviour hung on that dreadful cross he said...Father, forgive them. They know not what they do...

Even though he was meant to sacrifice his life...a part of God's upside down thinking...Jesus still felt the need to intercede on our behalf. As he prayed in the garden before he was arrested...his thoughts turned to us. Not just his followers at that time, but to all those who would believe because of them. He thought of you and me.

That phrase: a good and faithful SERVANT. Not a good and faithful LEADER. Servant for me is the key. We focus on being good and faithful and we all want to hear that when we stand before our LORD. But SERVANT, who wants to be that? Who can truly say they are a SERVANT?

We all have areas we are good at serving in but that's not the same as being a SERVANT. A servant attitude.

When the LORD has asked me to forgive because he forgave me, I have been able to do that except for ONE. Some of the offences have been huge but i have overcome them all except ONE.

The point is I haven't been able to practice self-denial. Every day I love that person, but it only takes one thing to happen and it will remind me of the hurt and betrayal. I know that this person has been consistent for a year now but it's the four years before that. I hate lies.

The LORD is asking me to be like him and every day I keep saying to him I CAN'T DO IT! Yet i know how much he has forgive me for and continues to do so.

Right now I'm struggling with IS IT WORTH IT? I write that and the Holy Spirit within me screams LOVE IS ALWAYS WORTH IT.

I just hope before i meet my awesome MAKER that I have moved on and let go of this corpse hanging on to me. OK so I'm the one doing the hanging on. Self-denial, servanthood...why must they go hand in hand????!!!