imperfection

The LORD is not a perfectionist. How do I know that?
We're still here - humanity that is.

Some key biblical heros stuffed up big time (murder, adultery, immorality, lies and deceit, killing christians) and yet the LORD still blessed them. If he was a perfectionist he would have looked elsewhere. He would have picked people with qualifications and proven experience in the areas he wanted them to serve in...that's what the world would do. But instead he picked the poor and the weak to humble the rich and the strong...he's the King of upside down thinking.

My problem is sometimes I expect perfection from him...

• i asked him to save my ovary and to save my ectopic baby. He saved my ovary but not my baby.
• i asked him to save my Dad from cancer and to provide a home with a whole list of requirements for all my family. He gave me the home but took my Dad.
• i asked him to save my husband. He saved my husband but it nearly destroyed my marriage.
• i asked him to provide me with a home with a pool and a backyard for my nieces and nephews to play in, near public transport, safe area for my child to grow up in. He gave me this home but the Landlord sold the house and I may only have six more mths here.
• i asked for my son to be born on my Dad's birthday. His due date was the day after but baby was a week late and it looks like the medical aid who looked after me in recovery was a God appointment for my future.

These imperfections range from big to small and some have rocked my world and others have just made life harder.


I realised then that he didn't care about making things perfect for me or for him. That's not his aim.


If God cared about perfection there would be no evil in the world with just one word from him. When Adam and Eve stuffed up, he could have removed them from the face of the earth and started again...he could have scribbled out earth altogether and drawn up another plan.

So when he 'stuffs up' my requests eg: when my Dad died at 59. He let me rant and rave and be upset with him, myself and the world. He comforted me and let me mourn. Last nite I cried yet again over the loss of my Dad. The LORD let my family experience this loss, feel this pain. Why??

He's not this world's idea of Santa Claus. He has trillions of lives to consider over many generations. So sometimes he will sacrifice my happiness in the short term for eternal purposes.

If he cared about perfect I would not exist. Instead he cares about saving us, about creating a master plan that only he fully understands, because Satan is so cunning that the LORD cannot reveal everything to us. Satan is so evil that it will take only the LORD's master strokes to right all that he has wronged.

I thought of those children who suffer at the hands of evil, of all the sickness and disease in the world that strike even the most innocent of us. These are the things the LORD is trying to put right. These are the things the LORD is trying to save us from. I say trying because we are a part of this master plan and we are all imperfect. If he destroyed evil none of us would exist.

I can't see past the pain that is in front of me but the LORD can...he sees eternity.

So yes I have lossed, yes I feel pain but I have also experienced such blessings that make my heart burst with joy. I just have to look at Caleb. And i know that these blessings only scratch at the surface of what the LORD has planned for us for the rest of eternity. Yet last night I only felt sadness and pain...it made me want to hold Caleb tightly but he was fast asleep. The LORD let me feel this, but he also gave me hope so i could cope...in the form of a 6 week old cutie.

it's all about caleb

wow, this blog really isn't about me thanks to my man :-). How to become one with your hubby...join google blogger (or whatever this is called now) and you no longer exist.

Good thing myles and i are the only contributors remaining so if this doesn't get fixed it's only us anyway. But my life is all about caleb.

my little man...

I held you in my hands today and I realised I held a life
a life shaped by me, influenced by me??
i fear that I will bend you too much to think like me and see the world like me.
This is NOT my prayer for you.

Instead i ask the LORD to:
Let my hands stay open and not grasp you tightly;
let me watch in wonder as you grow and flourish;
let me see the world from your eyes, listen to your thoughts;
let me enjoy every moment as you become the creation he made you to be.

To let him by my guide and yours.

blessed are we....

well it has taken some time to get back to the blogging thing...I think about it often when i have questions on life...or particular praise I want to shout to thee world.

The main praise is of course the birth of Caleb. THANKS LORD.

its been a long time

it's been ages since i've had any time to write...actually do anything except feed baby, change him, rock him to sleep, etc. life is all about baby and the many people who want to see him or visit us or stay with us. I have barely been on the computer and then it's only to do chores.

so here's a 2 minute update:

• baby didn't arrive on 6 dec 2006, suprise suprise!
• I was induced 5 days later, 11 Dec, spent the next day in labour - dilated to 8 cm which took over 30 hours, last 4 were intense contractions every minute to try and push me to 10cm.
• Lots of pain, lower back killing me, baby's legs were right up by my ribs - more pain!!
• Had to have a caesarian operation 13 dec early hours of the morning.
• Caleb was born 3:32am, 4.3kg or 9 pounds something, 54cm long. The surgeon said there was no way I was pushing him out!
• 1st week he lost 15% of his weight, my milk didn't come in. Now he's fine.
• Last week I contracted bells palsy = half my face was paralysed, couldn't close my eye, left side of my mouth wouldn't move, couldn't eat on that side, couldn't smile, laugh or talk. Told it would get worse and could last weeks or months.
• This week, face starting to improve slowly.

Baby has just woken up, can hear him on the monitor. Got to go!