simplifying life

Lots of changes recently. Where to begin...I know the LORD has been speaking to me about simplifying life and I finally did it.

Three things brought this home to me last week.
ONE: Last week, I asked our group to think about what they would like to achieve next year as a group and as individuals. Mine was to focus on my primary purpose in life. To make progress in this area.

TWO: I went to hospital to see my sick uncle. I kept a brave cheerful face for him but sitting in the car after we left him, I couldn't stop crying. I saw my uncle at Gau's wedding in Oct, I was upset at how sick he was looking. His daughters reassured me he was alright. But I said to myself, I need to go see him at his shop more - I miss him. Seeing him at the hospital it felt like he was dying and I still hadn't been to see him. I didn't have the time for him until now that he's in hospital.

We prayed so much for him that night at our group meeting because I know the LORD is always willing to listen to us. In fact he already knows what we are going to ask, but it's in the asking that our own faith is released to believe him. Thankfully, he's recovering and moved to a normal ward now.

THREE: I found out I was responsible for children's ministry at our church which I serve in out of filling a gap and don't have any passion for. Don't get me wrong I love hanging out with kids, but teaching them is another matter. I don't have this gift, but there was a need and I helped fill it.

That was the final straw. It hit me that I have been serving at church for the last year in all areas but my primary purpose. I was serving at church Wed, Thurs, Frid, and Sunday. The other days I had to fit in strengthening my struggling marriage, relationships with girlfriends who don't believe, 40days which I know the LORD absolutely wanted me to do, my niece and nephews, family, a friend I have seen once this year and then I took on work. I haven't even started the IVF programme, plus Mondays I was doing a bible college course.

I have been struggling for a while for all that I am responsible for at church and I no longer felt peace about it. I was doing way too much.

So I had one moment of clarity and it hit me I don't need to do this. I thought if I pull out of serving at church I would be letting the LORD down because right now the church needs me. But when I saw that next year would be more of the same I realised I had become one of those Christians that drive me crazy. I WAS SERVING THE CHURCH BUT WAS I REALLY LOVING GOD MORE AND LOVING OTHERS? I was SERVING the formal structure, but not BUILDING real relationships.

I had become a part of the hierarchy and I am not like this. I quit jobs because I didn't feel like being part of the hierarchy would really help people in their real lives.

I was not fulfilling my primary purpose and I remembered from the 40 days book it said that Satan would do anything to stop you from saving a life, even let you do good things. That's what I was doing good things, but to save lives I need to be making progress in why God made me unique from anyone else. To serve his unique purpose fore me in his body.

There will be other people to do other work he has planned but I can't be so busy doing all these other things that I NEVER make progress in the work he has planned for me. I have tried many new things this year but the time for experimenting is over - I KNOW HIS PURPOSE FOR ME.

I use to despair at people who served the church in all the right ways, they were so busy doing so much that they had no time to focus on what is most important to the LORD - personal relationships. He desires a personal relationship with us and he desires us to have personal relationships with each other.

I have no real time for people because I'm busy being this leader who provides services but without really knowing the customers these services are for.

So I'm not serving at all in church next year. Not in any of the formal structures. I am going back to basics. I am going to serve by getting to know people in their every day lives. I want the 100 people sitting in church to be 100 people in eternity. Saving people means impacting their every day lives. I can't do that if I have no time to meet with them, to socialise with them, and get to know them personally.

I want to increase my church FAMILY not just my church. Family is important to me. I can't be a part of people if I don't have relationships with them. That's how families build that special BOND.

Things have happened to confirm this decision. I found out my worse fears about a close member of my family. It made me realise I have no idea what's happening in his life and I barely talk to him. I have no time for him.

It's funny I only said to Lipo a couple of weeks ago how I am like him and when I make a decision I do it without letting anything stop me, including how people will feel about my decision. I have just made one of those big life decisions. I should say I remembered who I was.
And I have peace.