Well the last couple of weeks have been have been pretty hard. There has been a lot of pain but through this time I know the Lord is with me and there is something I am meant to learn from this, I'm not to sure what it is yet.
Sometime I wish I could just crawl into this little hole where no one could find me just the Lord and there would be no memories to make you sad, just the Lord holding you tight untill you were ready to climb out and face the world again.
Lord I pray that you will help me through this, you no the desires of my heart Lord but in the end its your will that will be done.
I surrender it all to you Lord I have tried to fix it on my own and it only makes things worse, so I give it all to you Lord.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
unlovable people
Recently i have heard a fair bit of talk about people who are hard to love - family, friends, lovers, work colleagues, church people, strangers. Why the heck does God put these people in our lives. Being a christian would be easy without these people!
I am learning that He wants me to love - and make a difference. NOT to talk about how unlovely they are. To show them the grace, love and forgiveness that Jesus has shown me.
So whether it be my wife, my Dad, my boss, my twin, "mature" christians - i know I gotta stop thinking "why me" and just start loving. Who knows - it may be the difference in that person's life that turns them to Jesus.
If I am going to "be salt" I gotta start being salty.
I am learning that He wants me to love - and make a difference. NOT to talk about how unlovely they are. To show them the grace, love and forgiveness that Jesus has shown me.
So whether it be my wife, my Dad, my boss, my twin, "mature" christians - i know I gotta stop thinking "why me" and just start loving. Who knows - it may be the difference in that person's life that turns them to Jesus.
If I am going to "be salt" I gotta start being salty.
Monday, December 26, 2005
christmas
What is normal I ask? OK sorry - back on track. The bestest bits of my Christmas were
- spending time with my brother Duncan before seeing him off on his holiday on Christmas eve
- seeing Claire turn up at Charlie's on Christmas eve
- connecting with people at Church - getting to wish heaps of people a Merry Christmas
- spending time with Uncle Richard on Christmas day in hospital
- sharing Tylah's excitement as he played with his new PSP - he did not have the words to explain his excitement!
- chatting with Kaki on Christmas night
Christmas has never been a normal set pattern for me...but I think I am seeing a pattern I would like to start following. I know the day after I will not even remember my own presents - but the memories I will keep are the ones I spent with people.
christmas
I had a very weird christmas. A big part of our christmas was missing with May and Bubba in NZ. I missed them heaps. There was no May to say hurry up it's nearly christmas come to the lounge...or to say come and eat....she's the one who keeps our Christmas day 'programme' moving along.
We were missing Christmas carols even tho we burned some and so did zee...we didn't even do our traditional poppers and confeitti on time...
Even church on Christmas day felt all disjointed. Apart from Lipo and Maggie singing I didn't really enjoy it. It felt weird too - even Frank wasn't his usual polished self.
It was my LORD's birthday, and he still lives...that's what really matters.
Tylah, my nephew fell asleep because there was no Bubba to play with, and he was feeling sick.
We were missing Christmas carols even tho we burned some and so did zee...we didn't even do our traditional poppers and confeitti on time...
Even church on Christmas day felt all disjointed. Apart from Lipo and Maggie singing I didn't really enjoy it. It felt weird too - even Frank wasn't his usual polished self.
Oh well, we all made the best of it, including my brother, Charlie, who played the good host.
It was my LORD's birthday, and he still lives...that's what really matters.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
40days task
Hey fanau
task for next Tues: E - EXPERIENCE...we kind of started drinking the champagne before we settled our tasks...so if everyone is ok with below then we will do this Tues.
task for next Tues: E - EXPERIENCE...we kind of started drinking the champagne before we settled our tasks...so if everyone is ok with below then we will do this Tues.
1: reread pages 246-248, in case we have forgotten what EXPERIENCE was all about.
2: Do questions on pg 246 relating to FAMILY, EDUCATIONAL, VOCATIONAL, SPIRITUAL, MINISTRY, PAINFUL experiences.
3: Also, what are the main lessons you have learned for EACH of these areas: FAMILY, EDUCATIONAL, VOCATIONAL, SPIRITUAL, MINISTRY, PAINFUL experiences.
I think this will be heaps. Enjoy!
Sunday, December 18, 2005
SERVING
Lesson I have learnt:
SERVE THE LORD WHOLEHEARTEDLY IN HIS NUMBER ONE PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE - HIS CALLING WHICH IS PERSONAL TO YOU.
Do the things which will teach you more, equip you more and prepare you for this purpose. There is so much you can do now - TODAY MATTERS.
EVERYTHING ELSE IS A DISTRACTION and IS OPTIONAL, EVEN IF IT'S SERVING. Don't spend 100% of your time SERVING in DISTRACTIONS. That's just walking into Satan's hands.
Unless you have no idea what the LORD wants you to do.
GOD is not so small that HE WILL NOT PROVIDE...Try it and if it's not for you...you have no peace about it...you don't look forward to it...THEN STOP BECAUSE IT'S FOR SOMEONE ELSE...and you could be stopping them from stepping up to fill this gap.
NO ONE IS INDESPENSIBLE, FALSE SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY is not what the LORD needs, but to be responsible for the work he has given you specifically IS THE ONLY RESPONSIBILITY WORTH FULFILLING.
FOR ME: Primary Purpose
Missions - to save the lost (there are lots of christians who feel as lost as those who don't know the LORD), to show people God loves them and cares for them right where they are now in their every day lives by having active personal relationships with them.
Particular focus - remove poverty from Africa, give children a future, by again showing them that God cares they don't have enough food, shelter, water. He cares for them right where they are in their every day lives. Jeremiah 29:11 is true for them as much as me.
Kingdom builder - to make this even more true for me and my family. I am only scratching the service right now but there is so much more the LORD needs me to do. I am blessed to be a blessing.
Now I have to walk this...
SERVE THE LORD WHOLEHEARTEDLY IN HIS NUMBER ONE PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIFE - HIS CALLING WHICH IS PERSONAL TO YOU.
Do the things which will teach you more, equip you more and prepare you for this purpose. There is so much you can do now - TODAY MATTERS.
EVERYTHING ELSE IS A DISTRACTION and IS OPTIONAL, EVEN IF IT'S SERVING. Don't spend 100% of your time SERVING in DISTRACTIONS. That's just walking into Satan's hands.
Unless you have no idea what the LORD wants you to do.
GOD is not so small that HE WILL NOT PROVIDE...Try it and if it's not for you...you have no peace about it...you don't look forward to it...THEN STOP BECAUSE IT'S FOR SOMEONE ELSE...and you could be stopping them from stepping up to fill this gap.
NO ONE IS INDESPENSIBLE, FALSE SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY is not what the LORD needs, but to be responsible for the work he has given you specifically IS THE ONLY RESPONSIBILITY WORTH FULFILLING.
FOR ME: Primary Purpose
Missions - to save the lost (there are lots of christians who feel as lost as those who don't know the LORD), to show people God loves them and cares for them right where they are now in their every day lives by having active personal relationships with them.
Particular focus - remove poverty from Africa, give children a future, by again showing them that God cares they don't have enough food, shelter, water. He cares for them right where they are in their every day lives. Jeremiah 29:11 is true for them as much as me.
Kingdom builder - to make this even more true for me and my family. I am only scratching the service right now but there is so much more the LORD needs me to do. I am blessed to be a blessing.
Now I have to walk this...
simplifying life
Lots of changes recently. Where to begin...I know the LORD has been speaking to me about simplifying life and I finally did it.
Three things brought this home to me last week.
ONE: Last week, I asked our group to think about what they would like to achieve next year as a group and as individuals. Mine was to focus on my primary purpose in life. To make progress in this area.
TWO: I went to hospital to see my sick uncle. I kept a brave cheerful face for him but sitting in the car after we left him, I couldn't stop crying. I saw my uncle at Gau's wedding in Oct, I was upset at how sick he was looking. His daughters reassured me he was alright. But I said to myself, I need to go see him at his shop more - I miss him. Seeing him at the hospital it felt like he was dying and I still hadn't been to see him. I didn't have the time for him until now that he's in hospital.
We prayed so much for him that night at our group meeting because I know the LORD is always willing to listen to us. In fact he already knows what we are going to ask, but it's in the asking that our own faith is released to believe him. Thankfully, he's recovering and moved to a normal ward now.
THREE: I found out I was responsible for children's ministry at our church which I serve in out of filling a gap and don't have any passion for. Don't get me wrong I love hanging out with kids, but teaching them is another matter. I don't have this gift, but there was a need and I helped fill it.
That was the final straw. It hit me that I have been serving at church for the last year in all areas but my primary purpose. I was serving at church Wed, Thurs, Frid, and Sunday. The other days I had to fit in strengthening my struggling marriage, relationships with girlfriends who don't believe, 40days which I know the LORD absolutely wanted me to do, my niece and nephews, family, a friend I have seen once this year and then I took on work. I haven't even started the IVF programme, plus Mondays I was doing a bible college course.
I have been struggling for a while for all that I am responsible for at church and I no longer felt peace about it. I was doing way too much.
So I had one moment of clarity and it hit me I don't need to do this. I thought if I pull out of serving at church I would be letting the LORD down because right now the church needs me. But when I saw that next year would be more of the same I realised I had become one of those Christians that drive me crazy. I WAS SERVING THE CHURCH BUT WAS I REALLY LOVING GOD MORE AND LOVING OTHERS? I was SERVING the formal structure, but not BUILDING real relationships.
I had become a part of the hierarchy and I am not like this. I quit jobs because I didn't feel like being part of the hierarchy would really help people in their real lives.
I was not fulfilling my primary purpose and I remembered from the 40 days book it said that Satan would do anything to stop you from saving a life, even let you do good things. That's what I was doing good things, but to save lives I need to be making progress in why God made me unique from anyone else. To serve his unique purpose fore me in his body.
There will be other people to do other work he has planned but I can't be so busy doing all these other things that I NEVER make progress in the work he has planned for me. I have tried many new things this year but the time for experimenting is over - I KNOW HIS PURPOSE FOR ME.
I use to despair at people who served the church in all the right ways, they were so busy doing so much that they had no time to focus on what is most important to the LORD - personal relationships. He desires a personal relationship with us and he desires us to have personal relationships with each other.
I have no real time for people because I'm busy being this leader who provides services but without really knowing the customers these services are for.
So I'm not serving at all in church next year. Not in any of the formal structures. I am going back to basics. I am going to serve by getting to know people in their every day lives. I want the 100 people sitting in church to be 100 people in eternity. Saving people means impacting their every day lives. I can't do that if I have no time to meet with them, to socialise with them, and get to know them personally.
I want to increase my church FAMILY not just my church. Family is important to me. I can't be a part of people if I don't have relationships with them. That's how families build that special BOND.
Things have happened to confirm this decision. I found out my worse fears about a close member of my family. It made me realise I have no idea what's happening in his life and I barely talk to him. I have no time for him.
It's funny I only said to Lipo a couple of weeks ago how I am like him and when I make a decision I do it without letting anything stop me, including how people will feel about my decision. I have just made one of those big life decisions. I should say I remembered who I was.
And I have peace.
Three things brought this home to me last week.
ONE: Last week, I asked our group to think about what they would like to achieve next year as a group and as individuals. Mine was to focus on my primary purpose in life. To make progress in this area.
TWO: I went to hospital to see my sick uncle. I kept a brave cheerful face for him but sitting in the car after we left him, I couldn't stop crying. I saw my uncle at Gau's wedding in Oct, I was upset at how sick he was looking. His daughters reassured me he was alright. But I said to myself, I need to go see him at his shop more - I miss him. Seeing him at the hospital it felt like he was dying and I still hadn't been to see him. I didn't have the time for him until now that he's in hospital.
We prayed so much for him that night at our group meeting because I know the LORD is always willing to listen to us. In fact he already knows what we are going to ask, but it's in the asking that our own faith is released to believe him. Thankfully, he's recovering and moved to a normal ward now.
THREE: I found out I was responsible for children's ministry at our church which I serve in out of filling a gap and don't have any passion for. Don't get me wrong I love hanging out with kids, but teaching them is another matter. I don't have this gift, but there was a need and I helped fill it.
That was the final straw. It hit me that I have been serving at church for the last year in all areas but my primary purpose. I was serving at church Wed, Thurs, Frid, and Sunday. The other days I had to fit in strengthening my struggling marriage, relationships with girlfriends who don't believe, 40days which I know the LORD absolutely wanted me to do, my niece and nephews, family, a friend I have seen once this year and then I took on work. I haven't even started the IVF programme, plus Mondays I was doing a bible college course.
I have been struggling for a while for all that I am responsible for at church and I no longer felt peace about it. I was doing way too much.
So I had one moment of clarity and it hit me I don't need to do this. I thought if I pull out of serving at church I would be letting the LORD down because right now the church needs me. But when I saw that next year would be more of the same I realised I had become one of those Christians that drive me crazy. I WAS SERVING THE CHURCH BUT WAS I REALLY LOVING GOD MORE AND LOVING OTHERS? I was SERVING the formal structure, but not BUILDING real relationships.
I had become a part of the hierarchy and I am not like this. I quit jobs because I didn't feel like being part of the hierarchy would really help people in their real lives.
I was not fulfilling my primary purpose and I remembered from the 40 days book it said that Satan would do anything to stop you from saving a life, even let you do good things. That's what I was doing good things, but to save lives I need to be making progress in why God made me unique from anyone else. To serve his unique purpose fore me in his body.
There will be other people to do other work he has planned but I can't be so busy doing all these other things that I NEVER make progress in the work he has planned for me. I have tried many new things this year but the time for experimenting is over - I KNOW HIS PURPOSE FOR ME.
I use to despair at people who served the church in all the right ways, they were so busy doing so much that they had no time to focus on what is most important to the LORD - personal relationships. He desires a personal relationship with us and he desires us to have personal relationships with each other.
I have no real time for people because I'm busy being this leader who provides services but without really knowing the customers these services are for.
So I'm not serving at all in church next year. Not in any of the formal structures. I am going back to basics. I am going to serve by getting to know people in their every day lives. I want the 100 people sitting in church to be 100 people in eternity. Saving people means impacting their every day lives. I can't do that if I have no time to meet with them, to socialise with them, and get to know them personally.
I want to increase my church FAMILY not just my church. Family is important to me. I can't be a part of people if I don't have relationships with them. That's how families build that special BOND.
Things have happened to confirm this decision. I found out my worse fears about a close member of my family. It made me realise I have no idea what's happening in his life and I barely talk to him. I have no time for him.
It's funny I only said to Lipo a couple of weeks ago how I am like him and when I make a decision I do it without letting anything stop me, including how people will feel about my decision. I have just made one of those big life decisions. I should say I remembered who I was.
And I have peace.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
sad
Feeling sad today. Said good-bye to one of my cousins, Emma...and Lipo, one of us...tomorrow zee goes, another one of us...makes for a very sad me.
Tonite saw someone else who was sad. She is one of the most beautiful, inside and out, God chicks I know.
Then their's my uncle who is in hospital and his situation is critical. He is someone I imagined would live a long life because he looked after himself, even though he has always had health issues. He never let it beat him.
Our group last nite really lifted my spirits. I felt like praising the Lord in the midst of our troubles. No matter what I will always worship him because he deserves all the glory.
All the riots and racial tension in Sydney at the moment is also depressing me. This is the down side for feeling empathy...sometimes it's just not good to feel so much.
I feel like praising the LORD again. It's my answer to trouble. Draw near to him because I desperately need him to draw near to me.
Times like this I find his promises flooding my mind...he knows exactly what I need.
LORD, please heal our city - bring some good out of all this sadness, work your light through all our lives so we can take back from the darkness what belongs to you. Be a lamp unto our feet and light unto our path...so I can stand without falling and walk without stumbling. Love you LORD and thanks for loving us. Oh and thanks for letting Jamu and Vince leave Samooa despite the many obstacles.
your daughter.
Tonite saw someone else who was sad. She is one of the most beautiful, inside and out, God chicks I know.
Then their's my uncle who is in hospital and his situation is critical. He is someone I imagined would live a long life because he looked after himself, even though he has always had health issues. He never let it beat him.
Our group last nite really lifted my spirits. I felt like praising the Lord in the midst of our troubles. No matter what I will always worship him because he deserves all the glory.
All the riots and racial tension in Sydney at the moment is also depressing me. This is the down side for feeling empathy...sometimes it's just not good to feel so much.
I feel like praising the LORD again. It's my answer to trouble. Draw near to him because I desperately need him to draw near to me.
Times like this I find his promises flooding my mind...he knows exactly what I need.
LORD, please heal our city - bring some good out of all this sadness, work your light through all our lives so we can take back from the darkness what belongs to you. Be a lamp unto our feet and light unto our path...so I can stand without falling and walk without stumbling. Love you LORD and thanks for loving us. Oh and thanks for letting Jamu and Vince leave Samooa despite the many obstacles.
your daughter.
i surrender again
i can imagine the Lord having a chuckle as he sees my subtle panic about flying alone. He knows I hate it, and i am scared as anything of going by myself on airplanes.Some may say "its only 3 hours to Nz" i say "thats 3 hours too long"
but its amazing how much God catches my attention in these times of flying solo.I hear everything as Im so much more alert than i am normally to what he says to me.In the air, I am all ears and for the first time NO MOUTH! it must be a ball for the Lord, coz he gets to do all the talking. The Lord reminds me again on how it feels to surrender all to him and to leave him in 110 % control.I feel so helpless on the plane, because there is absolutley nothing i can handle on the plane....apart from alcohol! My life is in his hands, my trust completely thrown at his feet as i rely and depend on him. Trust me...3 hours of that is an eternity for me, but thats how the Lord wants me to live everyday...like i am a child who cant fend for herself but rely on him for my every need.
I love how God speaks to me in the midst of my worst fear...he is truly my comforter!
"Lord keep me in your hands tomorrow when i fly out to nz...you are my protector and i hide myself in the shelter of your wings. I plead Psalm 91 all over that plane, and on Emma and Lipos plane tonight.No weapon forged against us shall prosper in the awesome and everlasting name of Jesus!!
but its amazing how much God catches my attention in these times of flying solo.I hear everything as Im so much more alert than i am normally to what he says to me.In the air, I am all ears and for the first time NO MOUTH! it must be a ball for the Lord, coz he gets to do all the talking. The Lord reminds me again on how it feels to surrender all to him and to leave him in 110 % control.I feel so helpless on the plane, because there is absolutley nothing i can handle on the plane....apart from alcohol! My life is in his hands, my trust completely thrown at his feet as i rely and depend on him. Trust me...3 hours of that is an eternity for me, but thats how the Lord wants me to live everyday...like i am a child who cant fend for herself but rely on him for my every need.
I love how God speaks to me in the midst of my worst fear...he is truly my comforter!
"Lord keep me in your hands tomorrow when i fly out to nz...you are my protector and i hide myself in the shelter of your wings. I plead Psalm 91 all over that plane, and on Emma and Lipos plane tonight.No weapon forged against us shall prosper in the awesome and everlasting name of Jesus!!
Marriage...Love..Unity!
Ive just finished writing my samoan speech for Enokas wedding (our cousin/bro who is getting married in two days in nz) and it just hit me that he is getting married for real. I guess i was subconsciously waiting for him to pull out and say its off, but saying goodbye to Lipo who is going too, just made it real to me. Its a huge committment to be entered into, and it should be with fear and trembling i guess, not with a possibility of divorce or separation. Nothing can scream Gods desire for unity so clearly than marriage!
im sad,but for selfish reasons, i want all my brothers to myself...but also glad that hes finally made a choice! A lifechanging choice i bet, but he will be better for it. Its a choice that definetly pleases God and for me thats enough to snap me out of my selfishness and be joyful.
Its a joyous occasion no doubt and i pray that Noka and his bride take it as a committment to the Lord first, then to each other. "Lord may they be founded on you, may their family be built on your love and truth,may they always find love in you, may they unite in you"
I pray also that me and Lipo,take a new flavour of faith to Nz with us. That we can stand against conformity and declare what God has done for us without fear.That the Lord will strengthen us in the shortime we are there so we can be a shoulder to lean on, a calm and refuge for those already caught up in the wedding madness.That we maybe a voice of discernment and wisdom, that we may be peace makers.I pray that I dont get stressed myself I pray that we take the Lord with us!!!
i look forward to it.....to letting my brother go to be cared for and loved by the woman God has chosen for him. To be blessed by her and vice versa, so they can go forth and multiply and give me great and wonderful nieces and nephews :p
Yes, its all about me!!!
im sad,but for selfish reasons, i want all my brothers to myself...but also glad that hes finally made a choice! A lifechanging choice i bet, but he will be better for it. Its a choice that definetly pleases God and for me thats enough to snap me out of my selfishness and be joyful.
Its a joyous occasion no doubt and i pray that Noka and his bride take it as a committment to the Lord first, then to each other. "Lord may they be founded on you, may their family be built on your love and truth,may they always find love in you, may they unite in you"
I pray also that me and Lipo,take a new flavour of faith to Nz with us. That we can stand against conformity and declare what God has done for us without fear.That the Lord will strengthen us in the shortime we are there so we can be a shoulder to lean on, a calm and refuge for those already caught up in the wedding madness.That we maybe a voice of discernment and wisdom, that we may be peace makers.I pray that I dont get stressed myself I pray that we take the Lord with us!!!
i look forward to it.....to letting my brother go to be cared for and loved by the woman God has chosen for him. To be blessed by her and vice versa, so they can go forth and multiply and give me great and wonderful nieces and nephews :p
Yes, its all about me!!!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I am full of joy...
hey team...thought I would update you on why I am so full of joy these days.
I am really really reallly really enjoying building my faith at the moment. I am reading heaps (the Bible, 'resources'), meditating, understanding, praying.
I feel it's all building me. Making me more solid. Giving me more peace and grace. All nice words I know...but in my heart I know it's real. It's changed me...and changing me.
And the more I do it, the more I enjoy it. The more I enjoy reading the Bible. Studying other books. And praying.
I am really really reallly really enjoying building my faith at the moment. I am reading heaps (the Bible, 'resources'), meditating, understanding, praying.
I feel it's all building me. Making me more solid. Giving me more peace and grace. All nice words I know...but in my heart I know it's real. It's changed me...and changing me.
And the more I do it, the more I enjoy it. The more I enjoy reading the Bible. Studying other books. And praying.
so much going on - what's the answer?
We may have relationship changes, riots in the streets, and ask 'what now?' Once again I am reminded that we were not born to be alone.
When I do my personal testimony, this will be a key message. I was alone. Sure I had people around me. I interacted. But my style (with work, family and friends) all added up to me being alone. Which I thought was OK because I am a loner!
Sure I am to blame for creating this style. But I also allowed it to happen rather than confront the issues that created it. Whatever the reasons, I now know I needed to not be alone.
Loneliness, the very opposite of community, is the most crushing of all emotions. Only in 'community' can we feel most fully alive. Most human. As Christians we need to build 'community'. It ain't easy. But God wants us to have commuity in our small groups. In our Church. And in our community.
The best way to feel part of a community is by a warm loving welcome. That's what I feel with this small group. And, selfishly, I dont want to lose it. What can I do? Being persistent and keep on being loving and welcoming.
When I do my personal testimony, this will be a key message. I was alone. Sure I had people around me. I interacted. But my style (with work, family and friends) all added up to me being alone. Which I thought was OK because I am a loner!
Sure I am to blame for creating this style. But I also allowed it to happen rather than confront the issues that created it. Whatever the reasons, I now know I needed to not be alone.
Loneliness, the very opposite of community, is the most crushing of all emotions. Only in 'community' can we feel most fully alive. Most human. As Christians we need to build 'community'. It ain't easy. But God wants us to have commuity in our small groups. In our Church. And in our community.
The best way to feel part of a community is by a warm loving welcome. That's what I feel with this small group. And, selfishly, I dont want to lose it. What can I do? Being persistent and keep on being loving and welcoming.
Monday, December 12, 2005
life's dramas...
It's almost Christmas. Exciting!!! It will be a very different Christmas this year without my cousin, May, to play Mum over all of us...and then Christmas without Bubba...gee I write that and i have to hold back the tears. How sad am I?!
For me Christmas is all about the kids in 'our extended family' which is May and her tribe, my brother and his tribe, and our household (myles, my other bro - rob, and myself). So the kids are Bubba, Tylah, Taneisha and CJ (they are all crazy and very hypo). Except without Bubba it will be very boring for the other 3. She's the eldest, the ring leader, the others are siblings who get up each other's noses every minute of the day! I'm going to seriously miss her.
But then Len, my other cousin, and his family are joining us, plus his bro, Eddie and his girlfriend. We all get along well so it should be heaps of fun but different.
I was telling the rest of our group that this will be the first christmas I am looking forward to since my Dad died (Mar 2003). Ok, tears again, sad sad sad....it use to feel like it was only yesterday I saw him, but now it feels like a long time ago...and yes I miss him desperately.
bittersweet my life will always be
without you next to me.
yes, I will miss my Dad always.
For me Christmas is all about the kids in 'our extended family' which is May and her tribe, my brother and his tribe, and our household (myles, my other bro - rob, and myself). So the kids are Bubba, Tylah, Taneisha and CJ (they are all crazy and very hypo). Except without Bubba it will be very boring for the other 3. She's the eldest, the ring leader, the others are siblings who get up each other's noses every minute of the day! I'm going to seriously miss her.
But then Len, my other cousin, and his family are joining us, plus his bro, Eddie and his girlfriend. We all get along well so it should be heaps of fun but different.
I was telling the rest of our group that this will be the first christmas I am looking forward to since my Dad died (Mar 2003). Ok, tears again, sad sad sad....it use to feel like it was only yesterday I saw him, but now it feels like a long time ago...and yes I miss him desperately.
bittersweet my life will always be
without you next to me.
yes, I will miss my Dad always.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Staying Strong
Well I can honestly say today is one of the worst days this year. Its so hard to be strong in the Lord, when things are going so wrong. The devil is trying so hard to make me turn to him and follow his ways, but I'm trying to stay strong.
Lord please show me what I'm meant to learn from this, you no the desires of my heart and I pray that you will help show me the path and help keep me strong. I know Lord you only put us through situations we can handle.
I will not turn away from my Father no matter how much the devil trys to hurt me, I will not give up.
I love you Lord and thank you for being there for me even though I'm not always there for you, you never turn your back on me. Thank you Father, for your love and for your comfort.
Lord please show me what I'm meant to learn from this, you no the desires of my heart and I pray that you will help show me the path and help keep me strong. I know Lord you only put us through situations we can handle.
I will not turn away from my Father no matter how much the devil trys to hurt me, I will not give up.
I love you Lord and thank you for being there for me even though I'm not always there for you, you never turn your back on me. Thank you Father, for your love and for your comfort.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Once again...our God reigns!!
its amazing when i reflect on what the Lord has taught us all in this time apart, from Griffith to now, we are all together yet the Lord has taught us different things about his work, his kingdom and our spiritual growth individually and together.
He workded according to the level of faith we all had, and to think we were in Griffith together (Tali, Myles, and myself) yet learnt different things about our God is just awesome!Its more amazing when we come to that revelation that our God knows what we need not what we want, and he gives it to us as we are ready for it.
And then Lipo and Clare here and what they learnt toegther and separately, it is to help us all grow together.
Sunday was Satans big day out, and though he pushed and pushed we walked away stronger and more equipped to continue the Lords kingdom and he walked away smaller in our hearts and minds. LOVE is all it takes, our Lord requires MERCY not sacrifice. LOVE covers a multitude of sins and LOVE never fails!!
Thank You Lord for your divine victory!
OUR GOD....HE REIGNS!!!
He workded according to the level of faith we all had, and to think we were in Griffith together (Tali, Myles, and myself) yet learnt different things about our God is just awesome!Its more amazing when we come to that revelation that our God knows what we need not what we want, and he gives it to us as we are ready for it.
And then Lipo and Clare here and what they learnt toegther and separately, it is to help us all grow together.
Sunday was Satans big day out, and though he pushed and pushed we walked away stronger and more equipped to continue the Lords kingdom and he walked away smaller in our hearts and minds. LOVE is all it takes, our Lord requires MERCY not sacrifice. LOVE covers a multitude of sins and LOVE never fails!!
Thank You Lord for your divine victory!
OUR GOD....HE REIGNS!!!
Monday, December 05, 2005
GOOD WORK
Wel, what can I say!!! I dont really have much to say but say GOOD WORK everyone.. from what happened to the trip to Griffith and back and to Myles's work on our blog photos. "Well Done Everyone". Everything that happened and everything that we have done so far is all Gods plan.. Its been a while since the last time we (our group) got together but through that time, I've realised something.. I cannot do this on my own. My walk with the Lord and trying to grow in my faith is impossible without you guys, even though the Bible says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me" and with Him everything is possible.. The Lord taught me something that to be independent and trying to do things by myself is not the way to go.. Yesterday the 4/12/2005 was one of the worst day that could recall. It felt like I was lost again, there were so many things going through my head that even going to church felt like there wasnt any meaning at all..
BUT then when I look at you guys, it puts a smile on my face cos yous are the Lords face here on earth for me, and thats why Im saying GOOD WORK.. Cant wait to meet up again... And Myles, good stuff with the photos man..
BUT then when I look at you guys, it puts a smile on my face cos yous are the Lords face here on earth for me, and thats why Im saying GOOD WORK.. Cant wait to meet up again... And Myles, good stuff with the photos man..
Saturday, December 03, 2005
His word is the seed
Well I was on the trip too...so I should give my version of the events! It was a small hare. I hit it going 120kph. It cracked the radiator tank, and we could not get it repaired till Tuesday. So we had an enforced 2 day holiday.
But the lessons learnt were the amazing things. Here's mine:
But the lessons learnt were the amazing things. Here's mine:
- Firstly, it seemed like God's peace was over me. There was no worry. No stress. Instead of saying "why me?" it was "Lord, what can I learn from this?", and "Lord, how can I use this to serve your purpose?"
- It gave me a chance to develop my relationship skills -with Emma, Zee, Eliza (Emma's friend), the mechanics, people at the Church...I just felt in relationship developing mood.
- I got the sermon about "you reap what you sow"...but for me the key point was "the seed is his Word". It's all there...written down for us. All we have to do is read it!
I am happy at the moment to just grow in my faith. Read, explore, question, understand. Sort it out...reason it through. Read the Bible my friends. A sentence, a paragraph, a chapter. 1 minute, 10 minutes, an hour. It's God's seed into us. I am lucky cause when I read it I enjoy it. It's not always been the case, but as I read it more...the more I love to read it.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
The three R's
Rabbits, Radiators, and Rest - what did you think? :p
well, youve heard the story, the short version of it, if i told it i would have told it with 3 times more information!
My boss was very upset that i didnt tell her i was going to Griffith, i've vowed this will be the last time i lie to her, i felt terrible about it all weekend.The lord was prompting me to tell the truth but did i listen..NO!! so lesson learnt, even a white lie is a lie!
but in retrospect, the trip was worth every second spent.
I also truly believe we went there in Gods good and perfect timming, were we to go earlier, we wouldnt have heard George and wouldnt have been encouarged spiritually the way we were. It was awesome to see a little church with so much potential to reach people for Christ.The whole time I was praying for them to grow, to spread over Griffith like wild fire so people will know the Lord. We arent the smallest church after all, we arent the only ones trying to grow, experiencing new things and all working for the one goal.....Christ! Our borthers and sisters around the world are also experiencing this growth, no wonder the Lord wants us believers to always prays for each other and love and show hospitality to each other.
That song pops into mind "tell the world that Jesus Lives, tell the world that...tell the world that..tell the world that he died for us..tell the world that"
awesome, awesome awesome!!!
For me, our adventure was God pulling me aside and almost reprimanding me about "spiritual rest" Ive been focusing on physical rest since it was one of the things i needed to keep going, that i neglected spiritual rest. Our God is so good like this,its like he says "now youve mastered that, now focus on this my child..your out of balance in this area" He is so faithful like that!
Though i have plenty of physical rest, it is not rest if I dont have spiritual rest, because thats when I spend time with God, talking to him, him talking to me, me listening him glorified, i draw near he draws near...its like what George said " you cant go asking God to draw near to you if you draw near to other things instead of him"
I will reap what i sow...i wont reap spiritual blessings if I spend time focusing and sowing into the things of this world.I cant ask for the Lord to bless me financially if I dont sow my finances into his kingdom....boy i got hammered!!
the biggest revelation for me was the Lord instructing me on how to start the work my heart desires the most. reaching people, bringing them to Christ, showing them that Christ lives.I have been asking him this more frequently than ever before in the past months.. "Lord how do I start, where do i start, am I on track? " and because he is so faithful, he answered when I least expected.
and i now have my first steps outlined for me.The greatest thing about the Lord is that, even though we do about it all wrong, he sees only our hearts and will direct our paths accordingly, thats what he did with me on the weekend. I was encouraged to be a faithful prayer person, to be a faithful doer of his word, which means I have to know his word.
The other things I also learnt was that I must refrain from being dutiful but busy getting to know the Lord more.
SPIRITUAL REST is the key!!
Im encouraged and looking forward to spending more time with the Lord and less trying to control or manage the world around me!
Thanks Lord....it took a rabbit to get my attention :)
well, youve heard the story, the short version of it, if i told it i would have told it with 3 times more information!
My boss was very upset that i didnt tell her i was going to Griffith, i've vowed this will be the last time i lie to her, i felt terrible about it all weekend.The lord was prompting me to tell the truth but did i listen..NO!! so lesson learnt, even a white lie is a lie!
but in retrospect, the trip was worth every second spent.
I also truly believe we went there in Gods good and perfect timming, were we to go earlier, we wouldnt have heard George and wouldnt have been encouarged spiritually the way we were. It was awesome to see a little church with so much potential to reach people for Christ.The whole time I was praying for them to grow, to spread over Griffith like wild fire so people will know the Lord. We arent the smallest church after all, we arent the only ones trying to grow, experiencing new things and all working for the one goal.....Christ! Our borthers and sisters around the world are also experiencing this growth, no wonder the Lord wants us believers to always prays for each other and love and show hospitality to each other.
That song pops into mind "tell the world that Jesus Lives, tell the world that...tell the world that..tell the world that he died for us..tell the world that"
awesome, awesome awesome!!!
For me, our adventure was God pulling me aside and almost reprimanding me about "spiritual rest" Ive been focusing on physical rest since it was one of the things i needed to keep going, that i neglected spiritual rest. Our God is so good like this,its like he says "now youve mastered that, now focus on this my child..your out of balance in this area" He is so faithful like that!
Though i have plenty of physical rest, it is not rest if I dont have spiritual rest, because thats when I spend time with God, talking to him, him talking to me, me listening him glorified, i draw near he draws near...its like what George said " you cant go asking God to draw near to you if you draw near to other things instead of him"
I will reap what i sow...i wont reap spiritual blessings if I spend time focusing and sowing into the things of this world.I cant ask for the Lord to bless me financially if I dont sow my finances into his kingdom....boy i got hammered!!
the biggest revelation for me was the Lord instructing me on how to start the work my heart desires the most. reaching people, bringing them to Christ, showing them that Christ lives.I have been asking him this more frequently than ever before in the past months.. "Lord how do I start, where do i start, am I on track? " and because he is so faithful, he answered when I least expected.
and i now have my first steps outlined for me.The greatest thing about the Lord is that, even though we do about it all wrong, he sees only our hearts and will direct our paths accordingly, thats what he did with me on the weekend. I was encouraged to be a faithful prayer person, to be a faithful doer of his word, which means I have to know his word.
The other things I also learnt was that I must refrain from being dutiful but busy getting to know the Lord more.
SPIRITUAL REST is the key!!
Im encouraged and looking forward to spending more time with the Lord and less trying to control or manage the world around me!
Thanks Lord....it took a rabbit to get my attention :)
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