God is seriously working overtime with me...the weekend has been a tug of war between the Lord and his enemy, i imagined myself looking like the Neurofen add, where people were pulling from each side while a sumo wrestler was stomping on my head, and an opera siger screaming her lungs out while i try and shut it all out with a struggle.
been a weird weekend for me, lot of uncertainities, or perhaps the enemy confusing me now that my purpose seems to be clearer each day. I feel like a huge battle is going on in me and im struggling to break free, the more serious the kingdom is in my heart the bigger the struggle to overcome the enemy. at one point over the weekend, i was overcome with fear.Fear of what i dont know, i know one thing was that i feared time running out and I have not done enough for the Lord, which results in my loved ones not knowing Christ...theres so much for me to do but just dont know where to start and if i have, not sure whether its the right place to start.Sat in church, and had the Lord remind me again of how i tend to wander off and rely on myself rather than him, that with him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.Yet, i walked out still anxious and nervous.At one point i even doubted my salvation, and started to look from the outside at the work Im doing and whether it was what im supposed to be doing.Felt pretty helpless because i cant seem to shake enough people to come to knwo Christ.Satan had a field day helping me to entertain the idea of being committed to nothing and how good it was when i lived for myself rather than the Lord.How great it was to walk in late to church and leave early and not fellowship or know anyone. How great it was to not be part of any ministries or outreaches, to care and look after my needs rather than pray and love others. Bizzare!! I got a glimpse of the battle fought for me, all the while a strong calm held me steady, all the while a gentle voice kept me coming back and reminding me of who i was over and over again.Thats just how faithful and patient God is with me and my mental wanderings. I prayed i wont be like the waves of the seas that James talks about! I feared being a fence sitter and being a luke warm christian and whether I am causing someone else to stumble etc.etc.
I know the Lord prepared me for this, in my scritpure time i found myself reading about getting busy doing the Lords work rather than on the signs of the end of days. Theres no time to waste, for that time of salvation is now, no time for slumber, preparation so when the Lord returns he finds me working and not just sitting around waiting for him. so much revelation, its no wonder Satan got scared!!
Indeed because he is the WAY we will never get lost
because he is the Truth we can never be deceived
because he is the LIFE, we can never be killed.
Thank You Lord for rescuing me even when i didnt know i needed rescuing.
your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
1 comment:
it's weird - i saw you on sat nite and you didn't seem yourself...you were kind of acting all self-conscious. I thought maybe something was up with you and your man. But you looked out of place.
Even Lipo didn't seem himself.
Have you checked the roster - you're on service lead and communion this Sunday. Satan is trying to tell you're not doing any good because he knows you are doing something and you are serving - this sunday my love God will speak through you!!!!
He's trying to steal your hope which is in the LORD, your future which is in the LORD. The old zee may have crumbled but you have moved on to a new level.
Things may seem the same sometimes...especially on the outside. But on the inside...the LORD is bigger in you cuz and I thank the LORD that you know it.
the biggest change you will ever see is in yourself. You're AWESOME!!
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